Chick Flicks & Beer

Moonstruck (1987)

2011-11-02T21:14:00.005-04:00

Directed by Norman Jewison
Starring Cher, Nicolas Cage, and Olympia Dukakis

Can you believe it? Can you really, really believe it? How can you believe it? I know it seems insane! Completely, completely insane! But, I have never...shhhh....never....
shhhh....never....actually seen...shhh....Moonstruck. There I said it! I feel so much better!

What can I say about Moonstruck? Well, first off, it stars Cher! So, in my mind it makes me feel all weird. I'm sorry but Cher makes me feel weird. I don't know why, but she just does. And, don't judge me on this because Cher must make other people feel weird. I mean she made her daughter feel so weird that she change her name to Chaz and had a sex change operation. I think share might be an alien.

Second, it stars Nicolas Cage. I really like Nicolas Cage. But, in recent days he's made me feel weird too. Maybe it's because you can tell he has had some intense facelift. Or maybe, it's because he....I don't know....he's in about 20 movies a year recently. And, he doesn't give a crap what the movie is. Plus, he might be an alien.

So, Moonstruck is about one alien who is about get engaged to a meatball but then she meets this other alien and they make love, and Chazz pops out! Wait, that isn't what happens? I think I feel asleep. Why don't you just tell me what happens. Maybe this movie should be called "Moonshine" because I drank a beer while I watched it. This is, after all, "Chick Flicks and Beer". Did you forget? It's Ok. I did. But, now I'm back!

I consumed beverage that is call Full Sail Amber Ale. This beer is out of Oregon and claims to be completely independently owned and operated. It's delicious. Now, if I find out that this beer is owned or created by Anheuser Busch I am going to be pissed. Go independent or go home. Drink locally brewed beer.

Anywho, back to the movie. Moonstruck is a great movie. Was it Academy Award nomination great? I'm not sure, I'll have to watch it again. My friend, Roose, thinks its one of the great comfort films! I'm not sure about that! My girlfriend, Cuddle Bee (ooops, I mean Tiffany), loves it! I liked it too. You've probably seen it so you probably already know if you like it. Here's a peek.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 7 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Watch if you liked...Cher, Nicolas Cage, or Aliens, or John Patrick Shanley

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

Shhhh! Gone Shopping!

2011-09-27T14:39:00.002-04:00

Shhhh! I've gone shopping...don't tell anyone. I'll be back soon...Love, Joshua

CHICK FLICKS AGAIN!

2011-06-24T09:34:00.003-04:00

Hello All,

It's been over to years since I started this crazy endeavor to watch chick flicks and drink beers. Looking back, here are some more of the more popular reviews. If you've read them before, read them again. If you haven't... enjoy.

Far and Away (1992)

The Notebook (2004)

A Walk To Remember (2002)

He's Just Not That Into You - Part 1 (2009)

He's Just Not That Into You - PART 2

He's Just Not That Into You - PART 3

The Women (1939) VS The Women (2008)

Thanks everyone for reading! Love, Joshua

Morning Glory (2010)

2011-06-22T22:52:00.015-04:00

Starring Rachel McAdams, Harrison Ford, Diane Keaton, Patrick Wilson, and Jeff Goldblum

Directed by Roger Michell

What’s the story, Morning Glory? Wasn’t that an old Oasis album? You know…Oasis, the band who said they were going to be bigger than The Beatles, the band who said they were bigger than Jesus. I guess it’s OK to be bigger than Jesus. But, you better not say you’re bigger than The Beatles saying you’re bigger than The Beatles is sacrilegious. Irronically, I’m not entirely sure if Oasis, did, in fact, “Live Forever”.

If you are wondering if this is something along the lines of VH1: Behind the Music, then you are wrong. I just wanted to reference Oasis. Is there anything wrong with that? Maybe, there is, but seriously, you need to chill out. Chillax…take a chill pill. Go drink a Slurpee, or an ICEE, or a nice, tall whisky & water. Go and Relax! Go to Tropical Smoothie...You’re are way too uptight, and it’s stressing me out.

Anywho, this is about the future film classic, Morning Glory. A movie, excuse me, a film, that you will watch over, and over, and over, and over again; Studying it’s nuances, technique, character development, etc. It will be a classic for years to come, and I suspect, may even finally beat out Citizen Kane as the (disputed) best film of all time. It’s glorious. It’s Morning Glory. It will “Live Forever”.

Morning Glory is really about Becky Fuller (Rachel McAdams), a recently unemployed News Producer, who gets a shot at the big leagues when she is hired as the Executive Producer on a fledgling network morning show, Daybreak, where she is introduced to Adam (Patrick Wilson) with whom she begins to form a romance. (Deep Breath) Sorry, that was long sentence. She hires the aging hardnosed reporter, Mike Pomeroy (Harrison Ford) and things get interesting. And, let’s not forget Diane Keaton. She’s in it, too. If you are wondering if Becky is a workaholic who can’t get into a relationship then are correct. She loves what she does. She is going to “live forever”.

The acting in this chifli(pronounced she flea) isn’t that bad. Rachel McAdams, Harrison Ford, and Diane Keaton are all believable in their roles, and the overall movie is slightly better than your average chifli. You’ve seen movies like this before, but you’ll still be entertained. Also, they focus on the story more than just obsessing over her “will she get a man, etc”. Will she get a man? Do they ever get a man in any of these chick flicks? Oh, wait...they always get a man. Whatta mighty good man...say it again now.

I paired this flick with Pete’s Wicked Strawberry Blonde because, maybe I’m mistaken, but Rachel McAdams played a Strawberry Blonde in The Notebook. Also, strawberry blondes and morning news go together like brunettes and nightly news. Although, Rachel McAdams isn’t a strawberry blonde in this flick, but a busy-body brunette with bangs (ask Harrison Ford, I mean…Mike Pomeroy). Let me say this about Pete’s Wicked Strawberry Blonde…it’s delicious, and I’m going to give it a 5. And,I know what everyone out there is thinking. You’re thinking that I give almost everything a 5 and I’m not hard enough on the movies, either. What would you have me do, give everything a 1. Well, I’m not going to do that. So, chill out, because you’re stressing me out again.

All in all, Morning Glory is not a bad chifli (once again pronounced she flea, slang for chick flick)and I do recommend it. Rent it this weekend with your cat. Enjoy!

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 7 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Watch if you liked...Rachel McAdams, Broadcast News, or The Notebook.

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

JUICY BON BON -PROM (2011)

2011-06-20T19:54:00.002-04:00

Is this what being a teenager has become? Or, is this what it was like being a teenager? Seriously, why do teenagers even care about Prom...Does anyone out there ever even think about great their prom was?

This piece of crap will probably make 100 million dollars. It's directed by some dude named Joe Nussbaum. He did the very cool short, "George Lucas in Love" (1999) so he's got that going for him.

BON BON TUESDAY - Bride Flight (2008)

2011-06-07T21:29:00.002-04:00

Looks like this is finally going to hit the states. Can't wait...its "Bride Flight"!!!!

Wait, I thought it was a horror film. Oh, nevermind. "Bride Flight" is directed by Ben Soombogaart. New Zealand? Holla!

Dirty Dancing (1987)

2011-06-06T12:04:00.017-04:00

Directed by Emile Ardolino
Starring Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey

Nobody puts Baby in a corner!

What the hell does that even mean?

I know, I know. Nobody could believe it. I had never seen Dirty Dancing. I had no idea about Baby's summers at the lake. I had no idea about Patrick Swayze's smooth moves. I had no idea that "nobody puts Baby in a corner". Frankly, I feel like I've been living in the dark all these years.

Why should I have seen Dirty Dancing! I grew up with three brothers. Not one of us had any desire to watch Dirty Dancing. Or, maybe they watched it when I wasn't around. Road House, well that was another story. I've probably seen Road House 100 times. Road House is Awesome! But, I'm not here to talk about Road House. I'm here to discuss Dirty Dancing.

Dirty Dancing is a good movie. I might even slip it into my Sunday afternoon 80's Rainy Day Afternoon repetiore. It was very entertaining. The Dancing, The Dirtiness, The Dirty Dancing, that scene on the tree. Omg, that was hot. The montage scene was incredible! I really did have "the time of my life" watching this movie. The 80's Rock!

What is up with that college douchebag getting that girl pregnant? Oh, no he didn't... That is just plain wrong. And, we all know that teenagers didn't have sex back then. So, there was inconsistency there. And, am I wrong, or does the good Doctor owe Johnny Castle an apology. Don't mess with Johnny Castle! You hear me people!

Side note: Why did Jennifer Grey get a nose job? What the hell?

Ummmm, no comment.

BOTTOM LINE: Dirty Dancing is Dirty, Intense, Sexual, Intense, Sensual, Intense, and Dirty, and Intense. Nobody puts Baby in a corner!

For Dirty Dancing, I chose Abita Turbo Dog. I've had Turbo Dog before and it's very good...Try one.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: Not Applicable

Watch if you liked...Dirtiness and Dancing?

Chick Flick: 3 1/2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

SUNDAY AFTERNOON BON BON - THE VOW (2012)

2011-06-05T19:52:00.003-04:00

Here is a tasty Bon Bon for you on a relaxing Sunday afternoon. It's called "The Vow" and it stars Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum. Here's a taste;

Not sure if this will be any good or not. Doesn't look like it's coming out until February 2012, so you'll have to wait. It is directed by Michael Suscy whose only feature was the made for tv remake of the awesome documentary Grey Gardens (2009).

Rachel Getting Married (2008)

2011-06-04T11:26:00.006-04:00

Directed by Jonathan Demme
Starring Anne Hathaway, Rosemarie DeWitt, Bill Irwin, and Debra Winger

This has a lot of elements involved in your typical chick flick;

1) It's called, "Rachel Getting Married".
2) It stars Anne Hathaway.
3) It has chicks named Rachel in it, etc.

But, this isn't necessarily your typical chick flick. Anne Hathaway isn't Rachel and she isn't getting married. She is Rachel's little sister. And, she just got out of rehab.

Now, the drama involved is something that any reality television watching female would love. There are a whole lot of "look at me" scenes taking places in this movie between Rachel and Kimmy (Anne Hathaway). But, there is a little more weight to this then your average chick flick in that it was directed by Jonathan "Silence of the Lambs" Demme. Hmmm, now I've got you thinking ,don't I.

Something about Anne Hathaway makes me think that in real life she is just a little bit shy of bat-shit crazy. I can see it in her eyes. Most actresses are a little nuts, and Anne dials in Kimmy's craziness to perfection. By the end of the film she is no longer Anne Hathaway but a fully believable Kimmy. This was rewarded with an Academy Award nomination (she was beat by Kate Winslet in "The Reader"). She is almost as crazy as Helen Hunt in the following "After School Special";

The film is well directed, and well acted, although, some of the scenes did seem a little improvised. Scenes like, "Everyone get in this room and act". At times, it worked and felt real. Other times, you could almost see the actors staying in character.

For the first time in the history of CHICK FLICK and BEER I paired the film with wine. Selecting slowly and carefully I chose a Cabernet Sauvignon from Chile called Como Sur. It was smooth and fruity. Very easy to drink and very delicious. I slurped it slowly in to my mouth and let the varieties of fruit, strawberries and plum, slowly absorb into my mouth, slowly exciting my taste buds into slow pure ecstasy. It was a very slow process.

"Rachel Getting Married", is a great film for anyone who wants to see a marriage film that is different from your normal cookie-cutter chick flick. While these characters situations are more intense and dramatic than most, the tension between the characters more closely mirrors the reality of wedding/ family drama than say some thing like Anne Hathaway's 2009 disaster Bride Wars .

All I can say is, "Rachel, you are such a bitch. Everything is always about you!"

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 7 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Watched if you liked...Anne Hathaway, Reality Television, Decent Movies

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- maybe a 4 1/2?
Wine: 4 slow delicious mouthfuls (out of 5)

BON BON FOR THE WEEKEND: I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT (2011)

2011-06-03T13:02:00.004-04:00

Sarah Jessica Parker is at it again. No, this isn't SATC but it might be something for all you SJP fans to enjoy. I'm not really a fan of her as a leading lady (I don't mind her as a supporting character). In this she plays a Mom juggling many different responsibilities. Check it out.

"I Don't Know How She Does It" (2011) is directed by Douglas McGrath (Emma). It co-stars Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear.

What do you think?

How Do You Know (2010)

2011-06-01T21:18:00.006-04:00

Directed by James L. Brooks
Starring Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson, and Jack Nicholson

I guess the big question with this romcom chick flick is, "How Do You Know?" How do you know you should rent it? How do you know should watch it? How do you know you should stream it? How do you know you should even read this review? Well, I watched this movie and I DO KNOW.

Now, I could be mysterious. I could linger on what I actually know and what I don't know. I could save the best part for last. Like any great mystery I could wait until the final moments of this review and pull one last reveal, What I actually know. Or, I could tell you now....

But, wait! I won't do that. Because isn't the formula of every great chick flick this...guy and girl meet...they can't get together...they get together, kiss, and live happily ever after....roll credits. That IS the formula. I've seen enough to know. I've even studied it a little bit. So, why would I tell you what I actually know (i.e. kiss, and live happily ever after) and let the credits roll? But, wait again...

THE WHOLE REASON WE WATCH CHICK FLICKS IS BECAUSE WE KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO GET TOGETHER...WE ALREADY KNOW THE ENDING!

...which would mean...that I should just go ahead and tell you what I know. But, let me digress for a moment...

"How Do You Know" is about about a Team USA softball player named Lisa (Reese Witherspoon) whose life spins out-of-control when she is unexpectedly cut from the team. She gets together with Matty (Owen Wilson), a not-to intelligent, womanizing, professional baseball player.

Wait a minute...

"How Do You Know" is about corporate everyman George (Paul Rudd) whose life is in crisis as he is in the middle of a federal investigation. He works the hotheaded Charles (Jack Nicholson), who also happens to be his father.

And, somewhere in the middle Lisa and George meet because they all live in DC.

NOW, let me digress...

I was living in DC when they shot this movie. My co-worker, Paul, and his wife, Abby, actually sat next to Owen Wilson while he was dining at the Four Seasons. Name-dropping is fun.

Let me digress some more....

I was bored with my job and so I actually applied to work on, "How Do You Know". Only thing is I didn't know how to get in touch with anyone. So, like this review the mystery began and after hours of investigation I found a contact to send my resume. It was a lonely email address. I sent this off and dreamily imagined running to get coffee for the great James L. Brooks (Terms of Endearment, Broadcast News, As Good As It Gets), and 24 hours later I received this automated reply;

Thank you for contacting us at How Do You Know Inc. As you can imagine, we receive a great deal of emails and cannot personally respond to every one. Please be assured that we have received your resume and it will be delivered to the proper department.

Thanks,
Production

Was it automated? How Do I Know? (I must say though after years of dragging myself around the gutter of the film industry, any reply, good or bad, is golden.)

So, finally, you ask....WAS THE MOVIE ANY GOOD?

First, let me talk about the beer. A cool, and refreshing Corona Light. No, it was not anything special. It's Corona Light (see picture). And, of course it had nothing to do with the movie. Other than the fact that I DID KNOW what it tasted like.

Hmm....hmmmmmmm....(sorry had to clear my throat).....

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS MOVIE? Well, I'll tell you...

DON'T! IT SUCKED! It should have been called, "Who gives a @#$%!". Really, it was that boring and that bad. Which is really a shame. I love James L. Brooks. I love Owen Wilson. I love when they have worked together in the past (see Bottle Rocket). I like Reese Witherspoon. Paul Rudd is great. And, Jack Nicholson is, well, Jack Nicholson.

So, what happened? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? (roll credits)

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Both of you can skip this all together.

Watch if you liked...two stories that are stuck together and don't really make sense.

Chick Flick: 1 carton of ice cream (out of 5)
Beer: 1 manly high fives (out of 5)- It's Corona Light (see picture).

BON BON WEDNESDAY!!! -Love, Wedding, Marriage (2011)

2011-06-01T10:59:00.003-04:00

"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...". Hey, I just figured out what the sequel will be called....Love, Wedding, Marraige 2: Baby Carriage (Spring 2012). Seriously, this looks soooo amazzzing!!!!!

This movie stars Mandy Moore and some douchebag named Kellan Lutz. It's directed by Dermot Mulroney (yes, the actor from My Best Friends' Weddiing).

What do you think?

SUNDAY AFTERNOON BON BON

2011-05-29T17:39:00.003-04:00

Here is the best chick flick trailer I have ever seen....

Finally, a chick flick that I want to see... Green with Envy stars Amy Adams and Jason Segal and I really think it looks amazing!

SATURDAY MORNING ICE CREAM IN BED - MONTE CARLO (2011)

2011-05-22T12:21:00.004-04:00

Just because I forgot to post this last night. You get to eat your ice cream in bed this morning...Monte Carlo...chicks in Paris...enough said.

This stars some teenage chicks that we don't care about and is directed by who cares...Enjoy!

COUGAR CLUB - AT FIRST SIGHT (1999)

2011-05-19T10:56:00.009-04:00

Welcome to the first Cougar Club. Basically, this is old chick flicks that you may (or may not) have seen in the past. The Chick Flicks that still got it. For those of you out there that are not familiar with the term "cougar", dictionary.com defines the word as this;

noun, plural -gars, ( especially collectively ) -gar.
a large, tawny cat, Felis concolor, of North and South America: now greatly reduced in number and endangered in some areas.

While cougars are endangered in some areas they have been seen in Southern California, New York, and Florida plus many other urban areas. They may not be as endangered as suggested by the definition (See, SATC 2, for an example).

The first selection for the Cougar Club is the Val Kilmer vehicle, "At First Sight" (1999) co-starring Mira Sorvino, and directed by Irwin Winkler. It is the story of Amy Benic (Mira Sorvino), a New York architect who meets a very good masseuse, Virgil, while vacationing at a resort. They fall in love and Amy convinces Virgil to undergo radical eye surgery which may help him be able to regain his vision.

Losely based on a true story, this movie does have moments that make it quite good, although it does have it's weak points. Kilmer is somehow believable as a blindman, even though it feels at times he is channelling his inner Jim Morrison. Mira Sorvino is in one of her better roles since winning the Academy Award for "Mighty Aphrodite" (1995). Irwin Winkler is more of a producer than director but, the direction isn't bad.

Watching this movie again, I did find it enjoyable. It was more well-crafted then most chick flicks. I mean with a tagline like, "Only Love Can Bring You To Your Senses", how could it not be enjoyable. This is the type of "chick flick" that feels a little more real than, "The Switch". So I say give it a try.

Has it aged gracefully like a fine wine? I don't know. The coat that Kilmer is wearing throughout the movie (see poster) looks like something I would have scowered through thrift stores and garage sales for in 1999, but today. Who knows. I do think the movie still holds up well. Kilmer and Sorvino didnt hold up as well. Kilmer has aged and put on some weight and Sorvino has all but disappeared. Don't think it would play as well today if it was made with Fatty Kilmer. Just my thoughts.

"Science gave him his sight, She gave him vision"

BON BON TUESDAY - ONE DAY (2011)

2011-05-17T19:36:00.004-04:00

I would tell you what this movie is about but I zoned out about halfway through. Anne "Batshitcrazy" Hathaway, and unknown british guy star in this love story about love, and that "One Day".....

"One Day" is directed by Lone Scherfig who previously directed the great, "An Education" (2009). Anne Hathaway in a british accent anyone?

The Switch (2010)

2011-05-16T21:24:00.004-04:00

Directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck
Starring Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston, with Jeff Goldblum and Juliette Lewis

Yo People! What's up People! What's up...People? people? People are you there? The truth is I really don't care if you are there or not. I don't care if you're reading, and I don't care you're watching. I don't care if you're drinking, and I don't care if you're forcing your boyfriend to watch horrible stereotypical movies that Hollywood tells you that you like even though they are sappy, and really insulting to women as a whole. People! People! I don't even care if you noticed I posted the Spanish poster for "The Switch".

Ok, I'm lying! I do care! I love you all so much! I know you like me! You really, really love me! Right now! You LIKE me!

So, maybe you should go watch, "The Switch". Maybe, just maybe. And, maybe you will laugh and maybe you will cry. But then again. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll fall asleep and your Morretti will spill down your chest and down on to the floor. Then a little Yorkie will run over and lick it up and you'll think "Am I ruining this cute lil' dog's future?" I can't live with this sort of responsibility!

The concept of "The Switch" is simple. Originally, called "The Baster", and based on a short story of the same title, it's about Kassie (Jennifer Aniston) and her best friend, Wally (Jason Bateman). She is getting older and wants a baby even though she is unmarried. She turns to a baster, but Wally, her bff, fills it up with his own sperm and viola, its cinematic magic!

This movie was actually pretty funny in parts. Granted, our girl Aniston has played practically the same part in a dozen or so reviews on here, but it still is entertaining and I found myself laughing in more than a few parts. Is it predictable? Yes. But, no one said watching these movie would lead to originality. If I wanted experimental German art-house cinema I'm pretty sure I won't find it in a rom-com;

I read in a Men's Health Magazine (you know, the one's that always say "Lose Your Gut"...on every cover!) that a beer that is stout is better for you than say, Miller Lite. So, I chose a delectable Moretti la Rossa. It was very good! Question: How many beers have I not liked on here?

But, a bigger question remains...Should you watch the switch? Answer: Jeff Goldblum!!!!

Well, if that didn't do it for you then go ahead and check out the trailer;

No, I didn't for get about the amazing Patrick Wilson...and does every chick flick have you use the line, "She's put you in the friend zone!"

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 7 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Watch if you liked...ummm, Aniston, or Bateman, or Goldblum, or Basters.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

FRIDAY NIGHT ICE CREAM IN BED- SOUL SURFER

2011-05-13T22:22:00.004-04:00

Here is a tasty treat on this wonderful Friday night. You can't eat this in bed like a carton of ice cream because it's still in theaters. It could appeal to the teenybopper in you...it's the incredible true story of Bethany Hamilton (well, incredibly true by Hollywood standards) the teenage surfer who got her arm bit off. Doesn't sound very chick flickish but it has Carrie Underwood in her first acting gig. Yay! Did I just yell Yay? I think I did...

Surfs Up!

Eat Pray Love (2010)

2011-05-10T21:06:00.003-04:00

Directed by Ryan Murphy
Starring Julia Roberts, James Franco, Javier Bardem, and Billy Crudup

This movie should have been called Eat Poop Smell. It was awful. This movie represented everything I think is wrong with society, and Americans in general. Granted I only made it about 45 minutes into the movie, but the truth is, I could care less.

Eat Pray Love, is about Liz Gilbert, played by a little-too-old Julia Roberts, who is tired of her marriage. Why, might you ask? Well, because she has always been in a relationship. She doesn't know who she is as a single entity. So, what does she do? She breaks up with her husband, who begs and pleads her to take him back. She just blankly says "No". I find her to be shallow and boring. So, she's single for about two weeks and then she starts dating a young, carefree actor. They get kinda serious and then she leaves him. She sucks. She goes to Italy, India, and somewhere else. I started half watching at this point.

Don't get me wrong. I really like the concept of this movie. It's just the main character sucked. It was NOT that she was a woman, a man that behaved like this would suck just as bad. Maybe I'm just being negative. Maybe I ate a little too much Thai food and was in somewhat of a food coma. Maybe, I needed to go to the bathroom. Too me she just came across as a whiny American who is all, me, me, me...my feelings hurts, let's over analyze some more.

Anywho, the beer I had was delishhhhhhhhhhhh shhhouch. It had a little seadog on it. That is why I selected it. That lil' seadog was on a journey just like Julia Roberts. A delicious journey into my mouth, stirring every wonderful blueberry tastebud in my mouth. I highly recommend Wild Blueberry Wheat Ale. Drink one, you will NOT regret it.

You may regret watching this movie. I know, I know...I'm sure the book is excellent. Well, this movie sucks. The title should be Watch Sucks Sleep, or Poop Poop Poop. Too much pooping going on in this review.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Don't make him watch this...

Watch if you liked...thinking about yourself all the time and Julia Roberts.

Chick Flick: 1 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

Sex and the City 2 (2010)

2010-11-20T14:52:00.008-05:00

Directed by Michael Patrick King

Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis

Sex and Cities are back! It’s “Sex and the City 2”. SATC 2. Yeah, baby!

If you think I’m excited about this…you’re wrong. I only made it 20 minutes into the first one before I had to shut it off (see SATC: The Movie – the first twenty minutes). In an effort to make something fresh that has lived through a long, drawn out series and two movies I decided:

To write my review in “real time” as I watch it. So here it goes…

In New York…blah blah blah…it’s New York. What are those shoes? They’re Loub’s (Thanks Tiffany). Apparently there’s going to be a “gay” wedding. Apparently, I should stop calling it a “gay” wedding. Ok, now it’s ok to call it a “gay” wedding. (Thanks, Carrie). Swan, “gay” things, Liza Minelli…if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. Surrogate service? Wtf! Ah, it sets up Carrie to need to have a baby.

This wedding scene is way, way too long. Ahh, dog humping…now that is funny.

Apparently, the nanny should wear a bra. It should be a law. The “Jude Law”. Ah, this sets up Erin’s worry about her husband wanting to sleep with the nanny.

Why can’t Mr. Big kick back and throw his feet up?

Now, Marinda quits her job and “makes” it to her son’s science fair. He wins and she “makes” it. She never “makes” it.

Samantha is rubbing some sort of cream on her hoo haw to “freshen up”. Now, she is invited by some dude with abs to a red carpet event. Now, she has to go. She’s pulling up her panties to get to the lunch date.

At this point, I questioning or not whether this movie is actually evil. Why? Because, these women live in NYC. And, women (including young girls) are watching this and thinking that they have to be “fabulous”, or “whatever” even though they live in the Midwest, or New England, or…

Why can’t Mr. Big install a big screen TV for their anniversary because it represented a nice time they have together? She got him a vintage Rolex and he got her a TV because he wanted to spend time with her. I’m going with Mr. Big on this one.

JAY Z is rapping again…I like this part…This leads to Miley Cyrus at the premiere. Oh crap, her and Samantha are wearing the same dress. Oh snap, girls unite!

Carrie and Mr. Big are fighting about the TV again.> Cuisine Art paid some money for an extreme close-up of their new state-of-the-art coffee maker.> Carrie’s at her old apartment so she can knock out some magazine articles.

Girls Lunch! This sets up the girls to go to Abu Dhabi. I mean Samantha went to all those birthday parties for Erin. Ring, Ring…who is that…Mr. Big…in a limo…a limo…omg…they missed each other. And, the TV stayed “off” the entire night. The End.

Wait, this movie is still going….Mr. Big and Carrie are talking again about their marriage…gag me. Seriously, gag me so I pass out and can’t watch the rest of this. More marriage talk…the closet, the bathroom, the breakfast table. “Carrie, we are adults without children. We have the luxury to design our life.” Good one.

Sidenote: Skip ahead to the scene where they fly to Abu Dhabi and take a look at Carrie’s hat. If you women, think that hat is fashionable then I am allowed to wear whatever I want until the end of time because that hat is the most hideous thing I have ever seen in my life. It looks like some creature landed on her head and died, birthed something, and then that something died…and then sat on her head.

At this point, I don’t know if I can write anymore. I mean…I’m going brain dead. I don’t have much more to say about this…culturally, culturally, or…culturally. I see why women love this series. It’s glitz, it’s glamour, it’s Abu Dhabi! I’ll let them have it. I just want to watch the rest of this without have to think about what I’m actually seeing.

I selected a beer that I thought was appropriate. It is Michelob Ultra- Pomegranate Raspberry. It tastes like juice and I don’t think it has any alcohol in it. It’s light and crispy. But, I don’t really consider it a beer. Nuff said.

* Throughout the entire movie I thought that Charlotte's name was actually Erin. Shows you how much I know about Sex and Cities.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Find a girlfriend to watch this one with and everyone will thank you for it :)

Watch if you liked...anything else regarding Sex and the City.

Chick Flick: unrateable
DVD: unrateable
Beer: 1 manly high fives (out of 5)

500 Days of Summer (2009)

2010-11-11T13:24:00.005-05:00

Directed by Marc Webb
Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel

Oh, Zooey Deschanel...Are you every 16 year old teenage hipster's fantasy? Do they have a picture of you skillfully tacked next to their Vampire Weekend poster? Oh, Joseph Gordon-Leviit...Do you cross-dress in your spare time? Did you and that little hobbit, Frodo or Elijah, run off together for the weekend to spend your days rolling around in the surf? Is my imagination getting the best of me?

Just in time for Fall, or Winter (depending on where you live) its "500 Days of Summer"...It's not a love story, in fact, it's actually the opposite. I'm not spoiling anything for those who haven't seen it. The narrator will tell you this within the first 10 minutes. So, SPOILER ALERT- NOT- they break up in the end. Actually, they break up in the beginning, but the film is not really in chronological order so even though the break up is the end of their relationship, it's at the beginning of the film. You feel me?

This film has to be every hipster kids wet dream (see Zooey Deschanel), the soundtrack (The Smiths, see Zooey Deschanel, etc), the cinematography, the actors (see Zooey Deschanel), the costume design, etc. See Zooey Deschanel.

With that being said...It is not a bad movie. It has a little bit for everyone, non-hipsters included. It told from a guy's perspective (for the guys), and is about a relationship (for the girls). Plus, it stars Zooey Deschanel (for the hipsters). It employs a lot of excessive film school techniques (for people who went to film school), and it has a girlfriend-less best buddy (for the girlfriend-less best buddy).

My favorite scene would have to be the "expectations" versus "reality" segment. I won't spoil it for you but I found it to be somewhat realistic in a filmy sort of way.

The beer I consumed during this piece was Blue Moon's Harvest Moon. There are pictures of pumpkins on the label, but I taste none (in a British accent). It's pretty good though, so try it out before fall ends...you hear me, fools!

This film has a good lesson...that is...if you're dating Zooey Deschanel then she is going to break up with and leave you stranded after 500 days.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 7 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Male lead- I forced this one on the girlfriend :)

Watch if you liked...hipster stuff, Zooey Deschanel, or Summer

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- Hugh Jackman as Ok.
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)- for the Neil Young reference.

Valentine's Day (2010)

2010-10-26T00:32:00.007-04:00

Directed by Garry Marshall

Starring Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Topher Grace, Jessica Gardner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah with Taylor Swift, the Werewolf Dude from Twilight, Hector Elizondo, and Shirley MacLaine

Just in time for Halloween comes my review for Valentine's Day! is the type of well-written, soul-searching, deep and meaningful drama that you might expect. This thing comes off at the frenetic pace of a David Mamet play..."Put that coffee down!" (side note: That line wasn't actually in that play)...if you don't believe me then "wiki" it. Scratch that...Google it!

Now, some of you readers might remember my strict rules about watching chick flicks. One of those very strict and very broken rules by me was that I had, of course, to drink a beer. Hence, the word "beer" in the title. I break that rule all the time. I actually am ashamed to admit that I watched this movie beer free. But, this time I actually broke the rule that I never, ever, ever, by any means break (except the exception of my Mom, and The Notebook) and I do mean by any means. Well....I finally broke my own rule. I watched it with a female...I'll leave it to you to figure out who...

On to the movie...Not sure what I should mention first...how about all of the bazillion actors involved...can somebody say paycheck?...Holla at your boy...I mean there were so many actors in this for 7 minutes a pop it was incredible. It's like a Who's Who of Who's Who...I figure it was easy material, a nice paycheck, and shot in LA.

It was directed of Garry Marshall, of many movies, most notably of Pretty Woman (hence Julia Roberts). And, the direction, well...it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist well, I mean....or maybe, just maybe its really really really good and I just don't see it. The best direction goes unnoticed after all.

This movie wasn't really that bad. Really it wasn't. Maybe it was and I'm just losing it. I don't know.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 4 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- Hugh Jackmanw as Ok.
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 0 manly high fives (out of 5)- Didn't drink one

Leap Year (2010)

2010-10-20T11:04:00.007-04:00

Directed by Anand Tucker
Starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode with Adam Scott

So, this is the first posting since the summer...and I have been ignoring emails, dropping phones calls, unplugging internet cables, and burning chick flick DVDS. All the complaints about me not updating this site was just too much. So, I'm back...and just in time for...duh duh duh...LEAP YEAR.

What a fabulously cliche movie. It really had all the right elements for a classic chick flick. Type-A city girl meets Type- B Country Boy. She's American, he's Irish (or at least he has a horribly fake Irish Accent). And, in the end...they fall in love?

I'm not sure if they fall in love. I zoned out for reasons I won't go into here. I actually watched this a few weeks ago and forgot the beer I had with the movie. Did I even have a beer with the movie? What is beer? What are movies? What is life? Why do we even exist? Oh, the humanity...

I actually like Amy Adams. I was a huge fan of Enchanted...should I even admit that? I don't know who Matthew Goode is...is he Irish? I'm really too lazy to do my research on this. I think the beer I had was Japanese, or maybe a micro brew. I have had the Sams Adams Octoberfest recently. That is very good. Very, very good. But, I'm sure most of you loyal readers out there have pick up a 6-pack at your local grocery chain.

I use loyal very loosely...and in case you didn't notice...I was being sarcastic earlier in this thread. I didn't get one complaint about being lazy and not updating the site. Maybe nobody really cares about chick flicks. Maybe my writing sucks. No one ever comments or even complains so how am I supposed to know. Should I even continue this pointless study on female driven movies? What do you think?

Here's the trailer below...

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Don't force yourself either.

Watch if you liked...really cliche chick flicks

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- Hugh Jackmanw as Ok.
DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 0 manly high fives (out of 5)- because I forgot what it was...

SOUND OFF: SATC 2: WHAT DID YOU THINK?

2010-05-27T20:01:00.002-04:00

So, the new movie is out...Was it as horrible as it looks? What did you think...Sound off on the biggest chick flick of the year.

Kate and Leopold (2001)

2010-05-25T15:44:00.004-04:00

Directed by James Mangold
Starring Hugh Jackmen, Meg Ryan, Liev Schreiber, and Breckin Meyer

How a movie with this concept could ever be conceived, pitched, made, and then released is beyond me. She's a successful modern career woman, he's a Duke from the 1800's...it was a love that transcends time. Actually I looked up the tagline for the movie when it was released and it reads, "If they lived in the same century they would be perfect for each other." Ok, pause.

That doesn't make any sense because in the movie they are apparently perfect for each other and they do end up living in the same century. You see, Kate, dated this scientist for about 4 years (4 of her best years) and after they broke up he discovered a rip in the fabric of time and was able to transport himself to New York in the late 1800's. On his return he discovers that he accidentally brought Leopold back to modern day NYC...a Duke lost in the city...I liked it better when it was an Austrailian from the outback. The Duke meets Kate and...well...Take a look;

As you can see in the trailer at one point, Leopold has to walk a dog and is given a ticket because he refuses to pick up the poop. The dog pooping was actually one of the more entertaining parts of the movie. Seriously, I saw a dog pooping the other day on the side of the road when I was driving. I honked the horn and the dog's owner looked slightly confused. Now that was entertainment. It made me laugh.

Maybe I could pitch that...Two dogs from different centuries. One is a poodle from Beverly Hills. The other is a Doberman from 1888 Germany. One day after smelling the mythical turd from the Black Forest, the noble Doberman is transported to California where he must learn when to bark, how to pee, and where to shop. One day again, he sniffs the poodle's day old feces and that song plays "You're everything I need...bah bah bah bah...Every--thing! I need!" I'm telling you it would be a smash hit.

Oh, Coors Original...apparently, you are the banquet beer. How I loathe thee. Let me count the ways...

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Don't force yourself either.

Watch if you liked...post plastic surgery Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- Hugh Jackmanw as Ok.
DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 2 manly high fives (out of 5)

Women In Trouble (2009)

2010-05-05T18:56:00.007-04:00

Directed by Sebastian Gutierrez
Starring Carla Gugino, Adrienne Palicki, Connie Britton, Simon Baker, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Marley Shelton, and Josh Brolin

Ok, Ok...I know it's been forever since I wrote a review...was anyone really reading anyway? If so, I'm sorry everybody I recently moved to Florida and I've been so relaxed that even though I have watched numerous chick flicks I wasn't in the mood to write anything about them (also did anyone else notice that I've been doing this for a year...I just did).

So, my first chick flick back is a movie called "Women in Trouble" (2009). And, the movie is about...you guessed it...women that are in trouble. Now, they aren't in trouble like normal women are in trouble (for the most part anyways) because this is an ensemble piece about porn stars, therapists, estranged mothers, etc. Now if you are a woman...and then if you are a one of other choices then you might relate. I really couldn't relate. But, then again, I'm not a female porn star therapist estranged from my child. But, then again...who is?

I consumed a bottle of Sam Adams spring seasonal called Noble Pils. Its a pilsner that is very noble and very tasty. If you like pilsners then run to the store and pick one up before the spring is over. It's light and airy with a wonderful aroma and just a hint of almondberry. Just kidding...but its really good. You can drink it out of the bottle if you want but I suggest pouring it into an icey pint glass.

Now, if you have a boyfriend and you want to watch a movie together then you both might want to watch this one. Heres the trailer;

Honestly, I thought this would be a lot better than it was...I mean Carla Gugino as a porn star named Electra Luxx (they are making a spin-off called Electra Luxx). The story is a little weak and it could have been a lot better but it wasn't really that bad.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 8 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Go ahead and force him...I think he'll like it.

Watch if you liked...I don't know.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)-
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- awesome trailer
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

BON BON TUESDAY- TWILIGHT ECLIPSE

2010-04-27T19:03:00.003-04:00

Here we go...there is already a trailer for the new Twilight movie. Am I the only one that thinks Edward is a pedophile? I mean it doesnt matter if you look 17...you're still 200 years old and into 15 year old chicks. That's creepy and gross. Now, it looks like the Homosexual American Werewolf is declaring his love...I like his muscles.

Is this growing old to anyone else?

JUICY BON BON- SATC 2

2010-04-19T20:16:00.002-04:00

Ok, Ladies, so here is the first full length trailer for "Sex and The City 2" or SATC 2 or SEX 2 or whatever you want to call it. I'm not really interested but it isn't really about what I want is it? If you haven't seen it before here it is;

I sure when this hits theaters this summer all there will be a lot of husbands and boyfriends forced to see this.

Whip It (2009)

2010-04-08T12:14:00.015-04:00

Directed by Drew Barrymore
Starring Ellen Page, Marcia Gay Harden, Kristen Wiig, Juliette Lewis, Jimmy Fallon, Daniel Stern, Andrew Wilson, and Drew Barrymore

Recommended by: Ashley M.

Roller Derby, anyone? I don't know what to say about this movie other than I really enjoyed it. Could I tell where the story was headed? Yes. Was it kinda the typical "fish out of water" story? Yes. Was it kinda the typical "coming-of-age" story? Yes. Was it kinda the typical "gotta get out of this smalltown" story"? Yes, again. Did all of that take away from me enjoying it? No. Did I know anything about rollerball? No. Did I enjoy watching tattooed chicks beat up on each other in tight shirts and short shorts? Yes. Did I enjoy the Modelo Especial? Yes. Did Ellen Page bother me as much as she did in "Juno" (2007)? No....

Let me digress (on a couple of things)...First, I hate "Juno" (2007). I think it is an overrated stupid film that got a lot of hype for being an "independent" film (which it wasn't) just because it was written by ex-stripper turned writer...or maybe she was just stripping to support her writing...whatever...I actually like strippers...its not the stripper thing that bothers me...it was the story of "Juno"(2007). Why? Because Juno gets pregnant, gives away the baby, and learns nothing. I also love Micheal Cera and think he is hilarious...he is stupid in this..."Juno" (2007) is a stupid, stupid movie that tries too hard to be quirky. I could go on but I wont...think about it an you'll agree.

On to my second digression, I may have drank and rated Modelo Especial before, I can't remember. It's a great beer to drink in the heat and also great with, or without, a lime. It's a little richer than Corona and if you feel like being snoody and not drinking a Corona then grab a Modelo Espeicial and tell people you prefer it over Corona. I also don't think I'm good at reviewing beers because I like most of them. I actually love beer and I want to give them all 5 stars. Except for a beer called a Odd Notion. It's horrible and looks like this;

It is a Magic Hat winter seasonal and it literally taste like cat piss, etc. etc. If you have ever seen the original Willy Wonka movie and remember the scene in which the gum chewing girl chews a piece of gum that is like a 5 course meal then think of the Odd Notion winter seasonal. It is a multiple taste transformation...beer...bitter...dirt...sh!t...cat piss...that is actually what it tastes like. Let me give a shout out to my boy, Rob, for letting me taste it. And, Chris, I knew you weren't manly enough to finish it. I give the Odd Notion "0 stars" or maybe I should give it "5 stars" because any beer that actually manages to taste that bad is genius. I won't comment on the stuff in the background.

Enough with the digressions...moving on...to the actual movie. It was good. I was throughly entertained and it could have been longer and I wouldn't have cared...I would have kept watching. It is a fine directorial debut for Drew Barrymore and it was a solid story with an even emotional arch. Not like the normal chick flick. Guys and girls could both like this one even though, it is a total "Girls Rule" and "Girl Power" movie. For fans of "Bottle Rocket" (1996) lookout for a decent role for Future Man, the least popular of the Wilson brothers. Also, for people that are normally as annoyed by Jimmy Fallon as I am...he isn't that annoying in this...

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 8 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Go ahead and force him...I think he'll like it.

Watch if you liked...Juno (2007) and girls beating up on each other with tattoos and short shorts...

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)-
DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- no special features
Modelo Especial: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

BON BON on THURSDAY

2010-04-08T12:02:00.003-04:00

The Last Song

Nicholas Sparks is at it again and this time it stars Miley Cyrus....

This is currently out in theaters. It looks a little sappy to me and because its Nicholas Sparks we all know that somebody has to die.

The Bounty Hunter (2010)

2010-03-25T10:49:00.005-04:00

Directed by Andy Tennant
Starring Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler

I saw this in the theater and I was alone. So, I sort of followed my own rules. The only problem is the theater didn't sell beer so I had to go with a Coke Zero...or Coke Z...or Z...as I call it. I love Coke Zero (yes, I am going to give it 5 stars). I think there was a total of 6 people in the theater including myself.

So, this is actually the first chick flick I have gone to see in the theater. And, I realized while watching it that actually paying and going to see this movie in theater puts it into a whole new category for judgement. You have to understand that the last movies I have seen in the theater were all great, great experiences (The Ghost Writer, Shutter Island, Sherlock Holmes)...Immediately, I was bored with this one. Cliche writing and characters...stupid locations...unrealistic situations...cheesy lines...all stuff in all the chick flicks I've seen before...and probably rated it lightly and gave it at least 3 stars. The only difference is that seeing it on the big screen just makes the missteps of the movie all the more noticable and hard to ignore.

The concept is simple. Gerard is a bounty hunter. Jennifer is a reporter. She skips court to follow a lead for a story and blah blah blah, Gerard has to bring her in. What's the catch. They are ex-husband and ex-wife. Whoo hoo...let's party.

This movie was bad...I'm actually bored writing this and having nothing else to say. Although, the Coke Z was delicious...but I already knew that.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 4 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Bounty hunting is pretty manly right?

Watched if you liked...Jennifer Aniston doing her thing...although she has done it better before.

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)-
DVD: 0 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- saw it in the theater
Coke Zero: 5 manly high fives (out of 5) - best diet drink around

BON BON on WEDNESDAY

2010-03-24T15:44:00.001-04:00

This is a chick's chick flick...need I say more?

The Time Traveler's Wife (2009)

2010-03-15T10:48:00.005-04:00

Directed by Robert Schwentke
Starring Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana with Ron Livingston and Arliss Howard

Wow. I really, really didn't want to pop this one into the DVD player. I mean the trailer even looked boring to me. This looked so boring and I really couldn't imagine Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams as a realistic couple. What does time travel and wives really have to do with each other? That sounds ridiculous. I mean, "The Time Traveler's Wife"...doesn't that sound like a horrible science fiction story? I thought it did.

Well, after about 5 minutes in I was hooked. I love stories about time travel. I love "Back To The Future"...all 3 of them. I love the original "The Time Machine"...what else involves time travel...I drawing a blank. Anyways, I've always found it interesting. I even think about it about once a week. The logistics involved....maybe that's why I liked the movie...because of the time time travel...or maybe its because I've been watching too many chick flicks and I'm turning into a sappy, pukey turd. It's one or the other.

While not the very beginning of the story their romance begins in a library in Chicago. Clare, played by Rachel McAdams, meets Henry and immediately informs him she has known him her whole life. He has no idea who she is and how she would know about his time travelling abilities. She says that the lasted time he visited her in her parents' meadow she was 18. He agrees to meet her for dinner and she explains to him that he has been visiting her for years, although, he is much older and she has never seen him so young....the love affair begins.

I'll go back to the time travel. Although, Henry can travel through time, he can't really determine when he will do it, where he will end up, or change anything to alter history. He just shows up naked and runs around until he transports back. It's more of a disease than an actually ability. I feel like they covered a lot of plot holes. Then again, I could be wrong...there could be infinite plot holes but I'd need to see it again to timeline some of the stuff.

This has tearjerker moments and I had to fight it back a few times. So enjoy. Your boyfriend, or hubby, will probably hate it unless he likes time travel like I do.

I had a rather delicious beer by Harpoon called White: UFO. It was very good...also very Euro.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 4 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Watched if you liked...The Notebook, Rachel McAdams, or time travel

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- maybe a 5?
DVD: 0 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- no extras
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

BON BON TUESDAY -The Back-Up Plan (2010)

2010-03-09T11:02:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I was really lazy last week and I didn't write a review between the last Bon Bon Tuesday and now. I didn't really have a "back-up plan". (Cymbal Crash). Thanks, I'll be here all week. Anyways, here is something new you may, or may not, have heard of before. J-Lo is back...and this time she is artifically inseminated. Watch out!

This could be funny. Right? I don't know. What do you think? I'm not really a big fan of J-Lo so I don't really care either way. Anywho, this movie is directed by Alan Poul, who has produced and directed a few shows (most notably, Six feet Under, and Big Love for HBO). Of course, it stars Jennifer Lopez and somewhat unknown Austrailian actor Alex O'Loughlin. It hits theaters on April 23rd.

BON BON TUESDAY- SEX and the CITY 2

2010-03-02T08:59:00.005-05:00

So, all of you "Sex and The City" fans. Here you go...here is the first teaser trailer for the new movie entitled, "Sex and the City 2". Enough said.

This one is directed by Micheal Patrick King and has all the girls...it releases on May, 28 2010 and honestly I could barely make it through the minute and a half. What do you think?

Waitress (2007)

2010-03-01T08:58:00.016-05:00

Directed by Adrienne Shelly
Starring Keri Russell, Nathan Fillion, and Jeremy Sisto with Cheryl Hines, Adrienne Shelly and Andy Griffith

So, here is yet another movie, that I would have never subjected myself...and yet...I do again and again. A movie about a waitress who is into making pies..boooriing. She is unhappy in her marriage...booorinng. She wants to start a new life for herself...boooring. She's pregnant...booring again. This thing had chick flick fluff garbage all over it. And, yet, I still sat down to watch it (this time with an Yuengling Original Black and Tan). And, in the end, I actually enjoyed it.

"Waitress" stars Keri Russell (think "Felicity") as Jenna, a Waitress (surprise!) whose desperate plan to leave her controlling husband Earl, played by Jeremy Sisto, is foiled when she discovers she is pregnant with his baby. Not the type of woman who would give up a baby, she decides to keep it which leads her to meet the new Doctor in town, played by Nathan Fillion (think "Two Guys, A Girl, and A Pizza Place"). She is not happy about this pregnancy or her life but still gets tons of support from her co-workers, and Andy Griffith. The only think she really loves in life is making pies, and she is really an artist when it comes to making pies.

That's it. That's the set-up. What do you think will happen? Well, you'll have to watch it. I'm not going to tell you here. I will say this. I do find after watch all these chick flicks with their cookie-cutter characters and plots, etc. that whenever one is made with a writer/director it does make that chick flick a lot more interesting. There are some pretty surreal moments in "Waitress", strange things that wouldn't normally be seen in your average chick flick. I think its for the better. And, I craved pie throughout the entire movie.

"Waitress" is actually very entertaining once you allow yourself time to get into it. This is because the characters are so (should I use the chicky word) "endearing". Although, it took me a little while to get used to non-southern actors using southern accents. And, if you have problems with non-southern actors using southern accents then you know what I'm talking about. These aren't that bad so you get used to them pretty quickly.

The Yuengling's Original Black and Tan. I really recommend this if your a fan of Black and Tan. It's probably the next best thing to getting one in a bar.

This movie is overshadowed by the death of the actor/writer/director Adrienne Shelly who was murdered during post-production on this film. It's actually a very sad and tragic story. If you want to know more check her out on imdb or wiki it.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 7 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Watched if you liked...any chick flick whatsoever.

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 3 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)-a nice homage to director Adrienne Shelly
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)- but then again, I love Black and Tans

Bon Bon Tuesday- Killers (2010)

2010-02-23T10:31:00.002-05:00

Here's a trailer for the upcoming movie, "Killers" (2010). It looks like a mix of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" (2005) starring Brangelina, and every other chick flick ever made. But, there are chick assassins...so...

"Killers" (2010) stars Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Catherine O'Hara, and Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck almost makes it worth it. Although, I don't really get the title, "Killers", and I suspect this movie may get a name change by the time in hits theaters on June, 4 2010. It is directed by Robert Luketic (Legally Blonde, The Ugly Truth).

So what do you think?

Love Happens (2009)

2010-02-19T20:58:00.007-05:00

Directed by Brandon Camp
Starring Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston with Dan Fogler, John Carroll Lynch, Martin Sheen and Judy Greer

I really wanted this movie to be really bad so I could play with the wording of the title a little bit. You know...instead of "Love Happens" I say "Sh!t Happens". Wouldn't that be a lot of fun. I think it would. I also think it's clever and original to use the term "Sh!t Happens" because well, sometimes it does happen. That's what I think and I'm sticking to it. Problem is, the movie wasn't sooo bad that I can slam it and say that the title should have been "Sh!t Happens". But, I will ask...Where in this movie does love happen? Specifically, between the two leads.

Aaron Eckhart plays Burke Ryan, a motivational speaker whose most recent best-selling book helps people deal with the loss of a loved one. Burke himself is a widower and he bases much in his book in dealing with his death of his wife. He travels to her hometown (Seattle)for a seminar and meets a flower shop owner named Eloise, played by Jennifer Aniston. They're intro is rocky but they soon hit it off and are spending time together. The catch is that Burke is hiding a lot of frustration and guilt (you know...feelings) concerning his wife's passing.

FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN IT READ THIS: If you haven't seen the film then watch it and continue down to the next paragraph.

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SEEN IT READ THIS: Am I wrong here or would Burke's action throw him right into the "friend zone"? After their second interaction in which he goes of on her and gives her the finger, he turns all mushy and complicated, and doesn't make any moves other than staring at her ackwardly. Is that considered a move nowadays? He does seem like he needs her help but he also is very guarded. Granted Eloise seems like the type of girl who is into guy's that need fixing. But, why would she like him so quickly? He has like 50 oppurtunities to kiss her and then doesn't...I know, I know...they shouldn't really kiss until the end...classic chick flick rule...introduce the characters, split them apart, kiss at the end, roll credits. It just seemed to me that they seemed like better friends. What do you think?

FOR ANYONE: This movie wasn't that bad. It was really more of a movie about Burke than it was Eloise, or them together. In fact, it was sort of a serious subject matter with a rom com thrown into the middle. This made the tone of the film a little shifty. But, the serious scenes were played well. Maybe my problem was the chemistry between Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Anniston. This is the same type of part Anniston has been playing all-the-time recently and it seemed like she really phoned it in.

I had a really good beer for this screening. It was a beer from the great state of Michigan called Bell's Two Hearted Ale. It was a very hoppy, very full flavored beer and it was delicious. I definitely recommend it.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 6 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)- main character is really a male.

Watched if you liked...any chick flick with Jennifer Aniston.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 3 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)-for a wierd special feature that showcases how almost every scene was CGI.
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

Bon Bon Tuesday- The Bounty Hunter (2010)

2010-02-16T13:20:00.006-05:00

So, I decided to start a weekly update that I'm calling "Bon Bon Tuesday". It's just a little taste (piece of candy if you will) of an up-and-coming" chick flick. This week I have "The Bounty Hunter" (2010). It doesn't look that bad. Check it out;

The Bounty Hunter (2010)

"The Bounty Hunter" (2010) stars Jennifer Aniston, as Nicole, and Gerard Butler, as her ex-husband bounty hunter that is hired to bring her in after she skips bail. It is directed by Andy Tennant (Sweet Home Alabama, Hitch) and written by Sarah Thorpe. It hits theaters on March 19, 2010. Head over to http://www.thepursuitbegins.com/ for more information.

So what do you think? Are you interested?

CHICK FLICKS and BEER for VALENTINE'S DAY

2010-02-11T12:41:00.013-05:00

Are you single on Valentine's Day? Or, maybe, you're dragging (or being dragged) to see the new movies "Valentine's Day" (2010) or "Dear John" (2010). Which one looks better? Hmmm, I don't know. Take a look for yourself;

Valentine's Day (2010)

Now, Valentine's Day looks "cute" (am I allowed to use that word?) and it has a lot, and I mean a lot of actors and actresses. Julia Robert's is in it...so it has to be good, right? I'm 50/50...with all those actors running on and off and sharing screen time it might be hard to really get into any of the characters. It might be little vignettes where everyone ends up in the same restaurant at the end. This movie looks like it is going to show everyone's faults and teach us we should accept those faults and be happy. Everyone will probably leave smiling. Unless its bad movie. In that case, everyone will just leave.

Dear John (2010)

This is Nicholas Sparks so I guarantee someone is going to die? It could be John or it could be the chick. If someone doesn't die in this I would really be surprised. If your a guy I also guarantee that this is a "tear-jerker" so it might bring you closer to your significant other if you know what I mean (wink wink). Then again it might just depress everyone involved.

If your single you might just want to try a new and interesting beer. Perhaps even drown your sorrows in one. Here are some suggestions;

Abita Purple Haze

I know, I know...I've talked about Purple Haze before on this site but I just can't help it. What would be better Valentine that the light and airy aroma of a Purple Haze. There are 2 reasons that this beer is appropriate. First, in case you don't live on the Earth and you haven't heard, the Saints won the Superbowl. Abita is out of Louisiana. So, all you true fans (and new bandwagon/ fairweather fans) can represent. Second, it has Purple in the title. And, purple is the cousin to pink...which is the a Valentine Day's color favorite. It's also truly delicious beer.

Mama's Little Yella Pils

This one is for all you Mama's Boys out there. I tried this the other night for the first time and it's delicious. A very, very good pilsner. It was light like any pilsner but there was something nice and pleasant in the undertone. It is a very, very, very good pilsner. Did I say that already? I know yellow isn't a very Valentiny color. But, you should try it anyways. Alone or with a date. And, if you do have a date she (or he) might be impressed of the interesting location in which it is served because you will have to go off the beaten path to find this one. I don't think serve this one at the Olive Garden.

My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)

2010-02-08T11:52:00.036-05:00

Directed by P.J. Hogan
Starring Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney,

Cameron Diaz, and Rupert Everett

Sometimes we find ourselves

asking...ourselves ...very serious questions....to...ourselves. "What does it all mean" type questions. We fret over the big stuff and hardly take the time to enjoy the little things. We wonder and "love" and "family" and the "future" and replay the "past" and how we can make things better (all the main themes in so many of the chick flicks I've forced myself to watch). We forget to live in the moment. In our rush of trying to get things done and make things happen we dismiss the hokey cliche phrases like, "take time to smell the roses" and "enjoy the small things". But, I've found it is in these small things like taking the time to actually smell the roses that makes everything bearable, actually makes life worth living. It is the small moments on this earth and the people around us that actually give us "meaning" in our lives. It could be something as simple as the helping hand of a complete stranger, a passing smile, or a loving hug that lets us know that we are all in this together.

What does this all have to do with "My Best Friend's Wedding"? Other than the fact, that is hokey garbage like this that comprises a majority of the chick flicks that grace the silver screen. I chose to watch this for different reasons. One, I've never seen it which makes it a necessity for this site. But, it is also appropriate because I just witnessed the marriage one of my best friends in the world. I have a precious few of these friendships and although it probably has never been verbalized they are the type of friendships (sometimes referred to as "Bro"mances...or "brothers from another mother") and one of the many elements that help to give my life meaning. If one of my friends is reading this and wondering if he, or her, is one of these friendships...let me be the first to tell you...you are.

In MBFW, Julia Roberts plays Julianne Porter, a 28 year old New York food critic, who has had a long string of "two week" relationships that she can't seem to break. Her best friend is a sports writer who lives in Chicago named Micheal O'Neal, played by Dermot Mulroney. During their sophomore yeah in college Julianne and Micheal had a one month romantic relationship that evolved into a close 9-year friendship. The type of friendship in which they know everything about each other. At some point during their friendship they promised each other that if they weren't married when they were 28 then both of them would tie the knot. This was a promise that Julianne always considered a joke. That is until she discovers that Micheal is about to marry a young 20-year old blonde named Kimberly Wallace, played by a young Cameron Diaz. And, he is going to marry her in 4 days. Realizing that she really does "love" Micheal she flies off to Chicago to sabotage the wedding and "win" Micheal where she is intercepted by Kimberly and crowned the "Maid of Honor". As with all "chick flicks" chaos and, in the case of this film, singing at the dinner table ensues.

Now, this has nothing in common with the marriage of my best friend. We're both men...manly men (pound chest). I flew to Florida more than happy he was getting married. I love his fiance (now his new wife) and think she really is the best for him. But, this movie got me thinking about the "moments" I was referring to earlier . In the movie, Julianne, has just realized she has sabotaged the wedding by sending an email to Micheal's boss, in the name of his fiance's father, asking him to fire Micheal so he can come work for his Father-in-law. Julianne sits regretfully in the hallway of her hotel frantically smoking a cigarette as Micheal confronts his fiance, Kimberly, on the phone in her hotel room. A bellman, played by Paul Giamatti walks and informs Julianne that it is a "non-smoking" floor to which she emotionally replies, "Why don't you just have me arrested". Now, Richard, the bellman, could have her arrested. He could scream and shout and call down to security and cause a big scene. But, he doesn't do that. Instead, he kneels down and listens to her for a moment and then takes the cigarette from her and takes a long drag and gives her back the cigarette. He then quotes his Grandmother stating, "this too shall pass", and continues on his way. While this could be easily construed as a cheesy cinematic moment. In fact, it is. I felt it reflected the type of small moments that allow us to stop for a moment and realize we are all on this crazy world together.

If I, Joshua, like Julianne, had any problem (which I didn't) with my best friend's marriage, I would most certainly been played the fool by one such "moment". As we rode to one of the many pre-wedding events I sat in the backseat behind my friend and his future wife. Somehow, while stopped at a red light, the subject of Super Mario Bro's 2 came up in conversation. My friend began to hum the score to the video game in sing-song. His fiance answers back humming some other musical part of the game. And so, this continued on back and forth. Now, normally, this wouldn't be any big deal, nothing more than too people humming. But, as I watched on, I watched them both laughing, smiling, and enjoying one another, as if they really were the only two people in the world, I knew that I was witnessing a small glimpse of "true love". Between all the stress and insanity of wedding plans, and dinners, and floral arrangements, and tux rentals, and everything else...they found 30 seconds to stop and laugh with one another...just the two of them... sitting at stoplight....singing the tune of Super Mario Bro's 2. Who could ever argue with that?

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 5 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Watched if you liked...any chick flick about weddings.

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)- because, well, it's Miller Lite.

BRIDGE CLUB: The Country Girl (1954)

2010-02-03T10:29:00.010-05:00

Directed by George Seaton

Starring Grace Kelly, Bing Crosby, and William Holden

Welcome to BRIDGE CLUB, where I pick what I consider “classic” chick flicks. The same rules still apply (Never seen it, watch it alone, beer). The only difference is these are movies that teenage girls might call “old” with disdain.

I picked "The Country Girl" for two reasons. One, it had Grace Kelly, and dos, I thought it would be a classic example of ella "chick flick". I will take a moment to talk about Grace Kelly. If you don’t know who Grace Kelly is then stop reading right now and go rent “Rear Window” (1954) then come back and read the rest of this. She was…amazing. And, yes, girls…instead of growing up and pretending to be a princess (walking around with “princess” across the ass of her juicy couture sweat pants)…she actually became one. She married the Prince of Monaco. Unfortunately, for us moviegoers, she never really acted again. This gives us only a few films to enjoy with Grace Kelly. TCG is one of them, and she won an Academy Award for it. I had never seen it and thought it might be a good classic chick flick.

I was wrong. This isn’t really a chick flick. I will say it does have subject matter that women will find compelling but it doesn’t really fit the genre of “chick flick”. It is really a film about men (arguable) and the women who support them. While this is a really, really good movie I don’t think it is a great movie. Although, Grace Kelly is great in it. It also stars the always manly and forceful William Holden, and Bing Crosby in a dramatic role. I like William Holden a lot (see “Sunset Boulevard” (1950)), but he was the weakest performance (of the three main actors) in this film.

William Holden, plays Bernie Dodd, a successful Broadway director who recently fired the male lead in his most recent production that is about go on the road. Going against the protests of his producer, Bernie brings in Frank Elgin, played by Bing Crosby, an aging “down on his luck” ex-alc0holic Broadway actor whom he always admired growing up. Bernie is introduced to Frank’s stern wife Georgie, played by Grace Kelly, and quickly learns of their shadowed past. They both want the best for Frank who personally worries whether or not he can handle the role.

That’s the set-up….If you don’t want spoilers quit reading….

(SPOILER)

About three quarters of the way through the film I actually said to myself, “What the f*ck?” It was so obvious that the studios were run by men, just in what the actors were saying and how women (Grace in this movie) were reacting to them. Maybe women were different at the time...they were different at the time...but, wtf! You know what I’m not going to spoil the film. Watch it and see for yourself.

SIDE NOTE: So, I think watching all these chick flicks has really changed the way I watch movies. Especially, some of these “classic” films…I’m starting to approach them and watch them more from a women’s perspective. How are the women treated, how are they written, how are they reacting. In this way, this film almost disturbed me…but had a saving grace (no pun intended) at the end.

Maybe this blog is making me soft. I don’t know. I don’t really care. As far as the rating goes for "The Country Girl" I have rated it differently then I would say “Never Been Kissed” (1999). I’m giving both a 4 out of 5. However, “The Country Girl” is by far a superior film. The difference is that TCG is film while NBK is simply a movie.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 6 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked....Classic films.

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5) - rated harder than other chick flicks

DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5) - good quality image..nothing on DVD

Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

Made of Honor (2008)

2010-01-31T19:53:00.013-05:00

Directed by Paul Weiland
Starring Patrick Dempsey, Michelle Monaghan with Sydney Pollack, Kevin McKidd, Kathleen Quinlan, and Busy Phillips

So, here we have Patrick "McDreamy" Dempsey. They call him "McDreamy" because he is apparently pretty "dreamy" and when you put the "mc" in front of things it makes it more than whatever it is. I guess "dreamy" didn't do it enough justice so the powers that be made him "McDreamy" and then America fell in love. Or, it might have something to do with Grey's Anatomy, a show I haven't seen.

In this film, "McDreamy" plays Tom, a womanizing playboy who invented the coffee sleeve or some tiny invention that has made him rich. Michelle Monaghan plays Hannah, his best friend in the whole world. They have been best friends for 10 years since he "accidentally" invaded Hannah's bed in search of her roommate. Hannah goes of to Scotland for work, and Tom discovers that he has true feelings for her. Tom plans to tell her but, as soon as she arrives back to New York, he is immediately introduced her new fiance Colin, a Scottish Duke. Hannah asks Tom to be her maid of honor, he plans to win her back and, as in most chick flicks, hi-jinks ensue.

I've always been a fan of Patrick Dempsey (even before he became "McDreamy") in movies like Can't Buy Me Love and Loverboy. He brings a lot to the character of Tom and plays him well. Michelle Monaghan is also good as Hannah. These two actors have good chemistry and it is believable that they could be longtime best friends. While this wasn't a bad film, I feel like this could have been a much better film if it just took itself just a little more seriously. There were strange comic moments that were interjected within the storyline and seemed out of place. As if the producers were like, this isn't funny enough, let's put some glow-in-the-dark "sex" beads around the Grandma's neck. The fact that Grandma was slighty interested in the beads in the first place was funny. They didn't need to have an ackward out of place shot with her wearing them a week later at the wedding. It was these moments that really detracted from the movie.

The premise of him being the Maid of Honor was a little wacky and it seems that us men get it easy when it comes to weddings. After all, we only have to plan bachelor parties and ask the groom multiple times if he is "sure" that he "wants to go through with this". All you girls have to plan showers and provide "support" etc. Why do they call them showers anyways? I've never really understood that. Is it really that hard to be a bridesmaid? It always seems like it is really dramatic and I hear about bridesmaids getting fired and there being falling outs with the bride and stuff like that? Does that really happen? Why are weddings so crazy?

This film play a trick...in that even though it is obviously a chick flick..it has a male lead and is really about the male character. So...boom.

For Made of Honor I drank an IBC Diet Root Beer. This root beer is delicious and should be consumed icey cold directly from the bottle. If you like root beer and you want to try a diet root beer I suggest this one. It doesn't get much better than this.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 6 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked....Grey's Anatomy or wedding movies.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

Never Been Kissed (1999)

2010-01-30T21:21:00.011-05:00

Directed by Raja Gosnell

Starring Drew Barrymore, David Arquette, Micheal Vartan, and John C. Reilly

As the film reaches its logical climax and Drew Barrymore's character, Josie, unveils herself to the entire school that she is, in fact, a 25 year old reporter and that there is more to life then high school and prom and popularity I couldn't help but think...What a load of crap! We all know that there is nothing more to life other than high school, and prom, and popularity. That is life...the rest is just people wishing they were at a high school prom being popular. It sure beats the heck out getting up everyday and going to work and...blah, blah, blah. You know that old guy you work with...you know the guy...he's been there forever, he's about to retire, he has about 46 grand kids...Well, he would give all that up just to go back to high school and go to prom with "Cindy" the cheerleader one more time and bang her brains out in the back of his Dad's Chrysler. Am I wrong here?

I also call...Load of crap...on the first question Josie asks the high school kids when she first goes undercover, "What are your hopes and dreams?"....Hopes and Dreams...really Josie...hopes AND dreams (to some nerd girl I might add)...It couldn't just be hopes...or dreams...its had to be... hopes AND dreams. Josie, let me ask you a question...Why are you even encouraging this nerd girl...she shouldn't have any hopes and dreams...you should just tell her the truth...she is going to grow up and continue to be a nerd girl...that's it. Instead you ask her to tell you her dream. She says go to Northwestern. Yeah...right...Northwestern...sounds good...well, guess what... you can't go to Northwestern because some other girl was nerdier than you, got better grades, and took your scholarship. You're parents can't afford to pay the tuition. So what happens to nerd girl? Well, she goes to community college with her hair-brained dream floating in the back of her head to go to Northwestern...trying to get the grades up and possibly attract a scholarship she starts taking Ritalin to stay up a little later and study a little longer. After a while the Ritalin isn't enough so she starts snorting coke. She isn't exactly rich and can't afford the nose candy on her own so she has to do certain favors, undesirable favors to certain gentleman...and, well, you get the point...she is tossed out of the bottom of the porn industry, broke and pregnant...and she never turned out to be Meryl Streep... because being Meryl Streep was her dream too...her secret dream. Thanks...Josie...Thanks a lot for teaching me to dream! (For everyone out that there that doesn't read into sarcasm...I am being serious.)

Never Been Kissed feels like it didn't come out that long ago but watching it now I see that it is really, really nineties. Look out for a young Jessica Alba and James Franco. This movie was really cheesy in parts but Drew Barrymore gave her character some depth and made the movie enjoyable. Also, watching this made me realize I hadn't seen David Arquette in anything in awhile. Seriously, this movie is very, very nineties. It's so Rufus.

I drank a Kona Brewing Company Limited Release Porter called Pipeline with 100% Hawaiian Kona Coffee. This was an extremely dark beer with a slight coffee flavor and was overall pretty good. I am not a huge fan of dark beer but they blended it nice with the coffee. If you don't like coffee I say skip this beer (or man up and give it a try) but if you do like coffee and beer then I suggest you give it a try.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked....Drew Barrymore and high school comedies.

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- for nostalgic purposes.
DVD: 0 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- nothing on it besides the movie.
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5) - for originality

CAT FIGHT: The Women (2008) -Versus- The Women (1939)

2010-01-27T09:52:00.046-05:00

The Women (1939)

Directed by George
Cukor

Starring
Norma Shearer as Mrs. Stephen Haines (Mary)
Joan Crawford as Crytal Allen

Rosalind Rusell as Mrs. Howard Fowler (Sylvia)

Phyllis Povah as Mrs. Phelphs Potter (Edith)

Joan Fontaine as Mrs. John Day (Peggy)

The Women (2008)

Directed by Diane English

Starring

Meg Ryan as Mary Haines

Eva Mendes as Crystal Allen

Annette Benning as Sylvia Haines

Debra Messing as Edie Cohen

Jada Pinkett Smith as Alex Fisher

Welcome to the first ever CATFIGHT where I take two chick flicks and lock them in a cage match and let them claw it out to the death. Instead of taking two incredibly popular unrelated chick flicks (i.e. The Notebook, Sex and the City: The Movie- which I did, in fact, survey about a hundred women and it ended in a dead heat 50/50 between The Notebook and SATC) I choose to take 2008's The Women and pair it against the original 1939 film of the same name.

For those that don't know anything about The Women it was originally a hugely popular stage play, written by Clare Boothe, that opened on Broadway on September 7, 1937 and continued on for a total of 666 performances. Hollywood noticed the popularity and MGM optioned the rights assigning female screenwriters Anita Loos (who once worked with D.W. Griffith, early screen legend Mary Pickford, and later wrote the book, "Gentleman Prefer Blondes") and Jane Murfin to bring the play the silver screen. Interestingly enough, literary legend F. Scott Fitzgerald also had uncredited contributions to the screenplay. George Cukor (The Philadelphia Story (1940), My Fair Lady (1964) ) was hired on as director, after being fired off Gone with the Wind (1939) shortly before filming began. The film version was released on September 1, 1939 and like the play became a huge success. It was remade into a musical (which added men to the all female cast) called The Opposite Sex in 1956. It was remade for television and, at one point, was almost remade again as a motion picture in the 1970's to star Jane Fonda. Finally, after 15 years in development (according to director Diane English), it was updated and remade into a film in 2008.

So, now that everyone is caught up, the CATFIGHT can begin. Both movies have entirely all female casts...entirely female. One thing that is interesting, and showcases a real differance of the two time periods are the official character titles. Scroll back up and take a look at the main character, Mary, for an example. In the 1939 version, the character is credited as Mrs. Stephen Haines while in the 2008 version she is credited as simply, Mary Haines. While it's obvious why the character is Mary Haines in the updated version the reasons for the character billings in the earlier version might not be so apparent. The official titles of the characters helped to really elevate the main characters from that of the adultress, Crystal Allen. Just look how her name stands out from the other characters in the movie. It almost makes her title somewhat pathetic and lonely. It is noted that playwright, Clare Boothe, symphasized most with the character of Crystal Allen. And, during the time, when women were really controlled by men, at home and in the workplace, Crystal Allen's position, as one of unmarried adultress, would most definitely be the most undesirable. In the present day film, this isn't the case, as the adultress is almost in a more powerful and free position then that of the married woman, most especially Mary Haines, the woman whose husband with whom she is having an affair.

Perhaps, I am getting a little too deep. Both films are intentionally lighthearted comedies intended to showcase how women interact and converse with one another. The plotpoint of Mary Haines discovery that her husband is having an affair with some woman named Crystal Allen is simply used to springboard the womens' interactions with one another. As far as, the interactions go within both films, they are both very similar. It seems that women haven't changed all that much in out they communicate and interact with one another. The only problem is, what works in the 1939 version, comes off as extremely shallow and uinteresting in the 2008 version. In fact, everything in the 2008 version comes off as shallow and almost offensive.

The final verdict, is that the original 1939 film destroys the 2008 movie. It isn't that I prefer classic over modern films. In fact, I would think with this subject matter that the modern version would make the original outdated but the truth is the 2008 movie actually outdates itself in casting and subject matter. The new version feels as if it should have been made in the 90's. And, the truth is, it probably should have. It comes across as a wannabe Sex and the City. The original actually plays as that, original. The subject of adultery actually helps to make it timeless, especially considering that Hollywood tried to mask so many unsavory topics during its "golden age". It nice to know that people weren't as squeaky clean back then as we sometimes imagine.

The 2008 version is actually horrible and I barely it through the entire movie. The acting is bad, the direction is bad, and the dialogue is bad. Instead, of applauding women it seems to embarrass them. All the women are superficial and two dimensional and it's hard to really care for any of them. The fact that Mary Haines is keeping quiet regarding the knowledge of her husband's affair makes sense in 1939 (she did, after all, introduce herself as Mrs. Stephen Haines) but why would she ever do such a thing in 2008. The character of Mary Haines is an independent modern woman, and honestly, today the idea of divorce isn't as frowned upon. So, what we end up with is Meg Ryan running around like a crazy person avoiding her husband when the character she is portraying would easily confront her husband. It really is sad to see Meg Ryan in this movie. Can this Meg Ryan who has so obviously gone under the knife be the same Meg Ryan that was in When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless In Seattle? It really isn't...but the sad truth is...it is.

THE WINNER: The Women (1939)- take extra notice of Rosalind Russell's iconic performance.

The Women (1939)

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 3 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked.... The Philadelphia Story (1940) or Love Affair (1939)

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 3 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- for a very insightful documentary on the film
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)- Flying Dog Pale Ale

The Women (2008)

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 0 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked.... Do yourself a favor and watch the original.

Chick Flick: 0 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- insightful documentary
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)- Miller Lite- I love Miller Lite...Ok.

The Ugly Truth (2009)

2010-01-22T11:10:00.006-05:00

Directed by Robert Luketic
Starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler

“The Ugly Truth” is that I actually watched this movie about a month ago. At the time I was too lazy to sit down and write a review of it. While I watched it I drank an Abita Purple Haze and The Real Truth is that I love Abita Purple Haze. Whenever I drink an Abita Purple Haze and breath in its flowery aroma I can’t help but think about Super Mario Brothers 2 and Princess Toadstool. I have no idea why but I makes me happy. “The Ugly Truth” is that after a few sips I realized that there was some dark flakes floating around within my frosty mug. I questioned whether this is normal for Abita Purple Haze and whether or not this was affecting the overall flavor of the beer. After all, doesn’t Goldschlager have little bits of flakes in it? And, that’s never killed anyone (at least, not the gold). So, knowing that my friend Tyler would disapprove (he is never one to waste any beer) I poured it out and grabbed a Dos Equis Amber Lager, poured into another frosty mug, and Voila!...no flakes. I don’t blame Abita, it was probably past the freshness date.

Katherine Heigl plays a local new producer and Gerard Butler plays an outspoken if not flat-out rude cable access television show host of a show called (guess what) “The Ugly Truth”. The beginning is slightly ridiculous. She calls in to argue with him one night and the next day (guess what again) he just happens to be hired by her news station manager. And, (guess what for the third time) she is assigned to be his producer. It’s Manly Man versus Modern Women and it looks like we have the perfect setup for a chick flick. If I remember anything about “The Ugly Truth” it was that I wasn’t all that impressed with Katherine Heigl or Gerard Butler. She seems a bit loony and he has that almost annoying “British guy making a scruffy American accent” that all the actors from the UK (or Australia) try to put on (see Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe, and Orlando Bloom). But...He sounds so manly with that scruffy voice.

“The Ugly Truth” is that the movie has a weak beginning and ending. But, the middle isn’t really that bad and some pretty funny parts. This movie won’t be bad for a date night and might lead to a little discussion about the opposite sex (male or female) and also, cats. Because don't all single lonely, women have a lot of cats? At least, that's what Gerard thinks.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 6 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked.... Grey’s Anatomy or P.S. I Love You

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)

DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)

Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)- for the XX Amber Lager

All About Steve (2009)

2010-01-20T09:22:00.004-05:00

Directed by Phil Traill
Starring Sandra Bullock, Thomas Hayden Church, and Bradley Cooper

I’ve got to give it to Sandra Bullock in 2009. She popped up in 3 movies, in 3 completely different characters, and she really did an excellent acting job in all of them. It doesn't really matter if you liked the movie or not, she is good in all of them. So, if you want to continue along these lines, then we can step outside, I'm fine with it. Let's go.

In All About Steve, she plays Mary Magdalene Horowitz, a not-so-simple-know-it-all Jewish Catholic woman who creates crossword puzzles for a living and really can’t seem to shut up. When we meet her she is about to meet Steve, a blind date, that her parents have set her up with. They meet and for some odd reason, mostly looks alone if not horniness, she decides Steve is the one. She jumps him in his Bronco he can pull out of the driveway, and he is game, that is until she begins to talk and talk and talk which, in turn freaks him out and he quickly makes up an excuse and leaves. Somewhere in his quick departure he says he “has to work” and “wishes that she could come with him”. She goes home and writes a crossword puzzle that is “All about Steve”, the taste of his lips, the color of his hair, etc. It is published and she gets fired. She sees her termination as a sign that she should go and me be with Steve and quickly runs off across the country to meet him.

Sandra does an excellent job as Mary, in fact, I really do forget that it is Sandra Bullock about 15 minutes in to the movie. Do not get me wrong, she is not going to win an Academy Award for this. In fact, no one associated with this is going to win an Oscar. It’s has a lot of faults, like most chick flicks. But, it is, in my opinion, refreshingly different. I really couldn’t tell where the movie was going even though I thought I could and can in just about every other chick flick that I have watched. There were some pretty funny moments, and it is a good turn for Thomas Hayden Church who is really always pretty great.

The soundtrack was a little odd to me. It seemed to be right out of 2000. The song that is played at the climax of the movie is by the song Train. You know the one. The one that goes, “did you wish upon....a shooting…star…something…something… something….”. I think I even heard some Sugar Ray, and maybe some that song “Be my butterfly…sugar…baby.” Maybe not. Listen to the songs…you’ll know what I was talking about.

As far as the beer goes…I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I forgot to drink a beer for this one. I even had it all picked out. It was a coffee flavored, or coffee-inspired beer, and I really meant to drink it. I just forgot. Maybe that tells you something about the movie. Maybe not. Oh well, I’ll drink it next.

Final Analysis...Sandra Bullock's acting rises above the rest of the movie...I believed she was the crazy ass character...maybe you will too maybe you want...my guess is...you'll either like this movie or think it sucked.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 5 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked....The Proposal or Sandra Bullock.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 0 manly high fives (out of 5)

It's Complicated (2009)

2010-01-05T15:00:00.003-05:00

Directed by Nancy Meyer
Starring Meryl Streep, Steve Martin, and Alec Baldwin

GUEST BLOGGER: THE ROOSE

Having struck a seedy back alley deal with the missus, I found myself sitting down in the theater to watch "It's Complicated." This is the newest film modern menopause cinema has to offer and who better to bring it to us than Nancy Meyer, the poster girl of the movement. With her last outing "Something's Got to Give", I was surprised by the humor and relieved by its wit. By the end of the movie I was sold into wanting for these characters. Not the case with this one. The setting is similar, beautiful home and countryside, swap east coast for west coast, everyone walks around eating pastries and drinking white wine. Money doesn't seem to be a problem. In fact, there aren't really any problems with these people.......and that's when things get COMPLICATED.

Meryl Streep is the cougar with the heart of gold and Alec Baldwin is the douche bag, absent, full of sh!t father who somehow isn't responsible for any selfish thing he does. Steve Martin is the nice guy doormat. Well, you can see where I'm going with this, it's time for a fifty-something love triangle! They've been divorced for 10 years. He's remarried to the mistress, she's lonely but oh so brave and independent. They screw, she feels guilty, he doesn't. All sorts of hijinks ensue, and all the while she's kinda sorta dating Steve Martin. Most of the screen time is dedicated to Alec Baldwin bullshitting his way into Meryl Streep's granny panties and it only gets thicker and more absurd. Ladies, imagine your man laying in bed with you on a Sunday morning trying to get some nookie. You know, just laying it on thicker and thicker till you just give it up to shut him up. Well, there's 2 hours worth of it here, just in case you ever wanted to know how divorcee's get down.

This may sound like the ranting of an angry boyfriend forced to watch a chick flick, and well... it is...but it's also the voice of someone trying to reach out. I want to like these films, comrades, I do but the chick flick is a subtle art. When done properly it will persuade and move the male to see more Romcoms, even oddly looking forward to the next one. Characters are everything and this one didn't have any that I even cared about. I have a feeling this film is more realistic than I want to admit. About divorce, about growing older, about re-discovering social rites in a world that has changed. Maybe I judge it too harshly. It wasn't a bad movie by any stretch. There was even a funny marijuana sequence involving Steve Martin being, well, Steve Martin which unlike Alec Baldwin's schtick will never get old.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- men will like this more than they think but will grow tired of Alec Baldwin.
DVD: It's still in theaters...
Beer: Unfortunately...no beer.

The Top 7 Chick Flicks of the 2000's -or- How Us Guys Learned to Stop Stressing and Just Watch The Chick Flick And Possibly Learn Something

2009-12-09T11:42:00.013-05:00

If I've learned anything from watching all of these chick flicks it's that (Surprise!) some of them really aren't that bad. And, that some of them are really, really bad. Guys have been subjected to all kinds of horrible chick flick torture, and I know that secretly many of them ended up enjoying the movies that they were forcefully subjected to. So, in honor of 2010, I've compiled the Top 7 Chick Flicks of the 2000's and included a couple things us guys (and girls) may have learned from watching them.

7. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)- This was a sleeper hit that no guy in his right mind would have ever wanted to see but when we did it actually wasn’t that bad. Like, Bridget Jones's Diary (see no. 5), hopefully, you women realized that guys perceive you differently than you might see yourselves. But, this movie was necessarily about the couple’s relationship with each other as much as it was about their relationship with her family. And, what a big, fat, greek family it was. This movie had a big heart which I think is necessary to any successful chick flick. See my review here.

6. Devil Wears Prada (2006)- The reason this movie is so good is because by the end of it we forget that its Meryl Streep acting. She’s that good. Maybe, us guys learned that you gotta let a girl go out there and do her own thing. Maybe you girls learned that you can’t please everyone all of the time. Hopefully, all of us learned to stand up for ourselves a little bit. Personally, I think the devil really does wear Prada.

5. Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)- If there is anything us guys learned from Bridget Jone’s Diary it was how cute and fun a girl with a “little extra meat on her bones” could be. Hopefully, if it taught you girls anything it’s that guys aren’t as picky and finicky about your body as you think we are (not most of us anyway). This movie was all about personality and it had a lot of it. It spawned a not-so-great sequel and we’ve been wishing Renee would go ahead and eat something ever since.

4. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003)- If anything can be said about Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson its that they can be really hit-or-miss (for bad Kate Hudson see “Bride Wars”; for bad Mr. Matt see, “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”). But, whatever the case, the planets must have aligned and brought them together for HTLAG10D because they are both at their absolute best. Maybe both sexes learned that games aren’t funny. Or, maybe we didn’t learn anything. Doesn’t really matter, this movie is pure entertainment.

3. Legally Blonde (2001)-This movie was a cute comedy with a heart of gold (cheesy, I know…I thought of that myself) and made Reece Witherspoon a superstar. It schooled us guys to not judge a book by its cover and really taught everyone that blondes really do have more fun. Two horrible sequels have followed (the most recent called “Legally Blondes”) but we’ll just all try to remember Elle Woods as she was in this original chick flick. You go girl.

2. Love Actually (2003)- While this was an extremely well written movie with an amazing ensemble cast I think it was the underlying message, “Love actually is all around,” that made it such a great film. There were many lessons to be learned from this film (for both sexes). Maybe it was to appreciate the love your already have in your life. Or, for us guys, maybe it was just to verify that if we go to a different country we become exotic, immediately meet 3 amazingly hot roommates, and get to have the best sex of our lives. Whatever it was, I think the scenes of couples embracing at the airport, that bookend the film, really show what this film was all about.

1. The Notebook (2004)- This chick flick is great for so many reasons (see my review). One, the trailer looked horrible and made me throw up in my mouth. It looked like overly sentimental trash. And, maybe it was overly sentimental. But, in all the right ways. What did we guys learn from this? Maybe it’s to never give up on our dreams. Or, possibly, we don’t have to fight the fiance to get back the girl. He’ll be gracious about it and give her up without a fight. I’m really not going to go into why this movie is so great. If you don’t know why it’s great then you haven’t watched it…I mean really watched it. See my review here.

Runners Up (and why they didn't make it);

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)- because I hate movies with bad southern stereotypes

Mamma Mia (2008)- because not everyone loved it as much as I did...and that's understandable. See my review here.

Sex and The City: The Movie (2008) because I didn't learn anything from it...because I couldn't make it past the first 20 minutes. See my review here.

The Sweetest Thing (2002)- because while it is the first female "gross out" comedy. Well, I just didn't like it enough. See my review here.

Notting Hill (1999)- because it's actually from the 90's.

The Holiday (2006)- because...well, actually...I'm not sure because I really like this movie so maybe I should have included it. My bad.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009)

2009-12-04T15:03:00.005-05:00

Directed by Mark Waters
Starring Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Gardner, Micheal Douglas, Anne Archer, Breckin Meyer, and Emma Stone

I’m not scared to admit that I actually like Matthew McConaughey movies. I always have. There is something slightly ridiculous about him that literally has me almost bursting into laughter even when he is trying to be serious, but he’s not really a comedian, and he’s not really a serious actor. Sure, he’s taken a few serious turns but I always found humor in them. For example, I actually LOL’d (that stands for “laugh out loud”) in the theater when I saw U-571. Specifically, in the scene (which is supposed to be serious) where he looks at one of the seamen with wild, crazy eyes and says, “Do…your… job…sailor!”. Now, I know it was supposed to be a serious turning point in the movie, one in which the characters understood the seriousness of being in the United States Navy, but it was hilarious.

What is the point of all this ranting and raving about Mr. McConaughey? Well, my point is, I wanted to like “Ghost of Girlfriends Past”. I knew what to expect, and it wasn’t much. I expected to see Mr. Matthew running around saying silly lines and trying to look sexy, etc. And, he does. With that being said, the movie was horrible. This is for two reasons....

First (SPOILER), I knew what was going to happen because it follows the outline of Dicken’s A Christmas Carol. But, Josh, you say, It’s a chick flick, almost every chick flick is predictable, they always get together in the end. Yes, that’s true. I know its predictable I know it’s always going to have a happy ending; I know the couple that can’t get together throughout the entire movie will finely proclaim their undying love for one another and walk off into the sunset. But, what I want, in a good chick flick, are surprises along the way, I don’t want to know how it [the couple getting together is going to happen. And, in GOGP, I knew he was going to visited by 3 ghosts and have a change of heart. But, then again, I already knew this because the title was called “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” which brings me to the second problem of the film...

None, of the secondary characters or jokes were not very entertaining or even believable. Although, Brekin Meyer isn’t bad as the little brother, and either is, Michael Douglas as the womanizing, advice giving uncle. I will also give a shout out to my girl Emma Stone of Superbad, and Zombieland, who is almost unrecognizable as the Mr. McConaughey’s first teenage girlfriend Alison Vandermeersh.

I’m not sure why Jennifer Gardner is even in this. Her role sucks. Maybe everyone just wanted to get paid. Can’t say I really blame them but why can’t Hollywood make a chick flick that is actually decent. All it takes is giving these moving a little more thought before cranking them out.

The beer that I sipped appropriately throughout the film was a German beer which I believe was self-touted as the official beer of Oktoberfest…Straight outta Oktoberfest like N.W.A is straight outta Compton…more like straight outta Key West. The beer was straight though. Kinda pale, yet refined. It was called Spaten.

Don’t watch this movie. Skip it. Seacrest out.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked....don't watch it.

Chick Flick: 0 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 0 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 3 manly high fives (out of 5)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

2009-11-25T10:06:00.007-05:00

Directed by Joel Zwick
Starring Nia Vardalos and John Corbett

So, I finally mustered up enough courage to watch “My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding” which for typing purposes, and the ease of my fingers, shale hence forth be referred to as MBFGW. I’ll also state now that I didn’t drink a beer with this one. Instead, I choose to enjoy a nice, piping hot plate of steamed chick and broccoli with the “sauce mixed in”… “sauce mixed in?”… “sauce mixed in”… “sauce mixed? In?”… “sauce mixed in!”… “sauce..mixed in!” And, I suggest if you are in the greater DC area you should stop by the China King Restaurant (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6) and try some of the steamed chicken and broccoli with the “sauce mixed in”…”sauce on side?”…”sauce mixed in”…”sauce mixed in?”...”sauce mixed in!”....”sauce mixed in!”

Now, back to the movie, or MBFGW. I had a heard a few things about movie over the past few years, mostly in passing. One, was that Tom Hanks produced it because his wife wanted him to produce it. Second, it made a gazillion dollars (I did some research on this after watching the movie and as of 2003 it had made approx. 250 million dollars, and on a 5 million dollar budget that is pretty impressive). I never got around to watching it because I was never forced to and why would I ever desire to watch some film about some big, fat, greek’s wedding, other than doing it for a blog about chick flicks. Sorry, BFGW.

The movie starts with Toula, a Greek-American woman, who at 30 has no prospects of being married. She is constantly reminded of this by her intrusive family who want her to find a “nice, Greek boy” and settle down. She looks rough and I was wondering if this would ever happen. I then remembered the title, MBFGW, and breathed a long sigh of relief. It’s called MBFGW so she has got to meet somebody right? And, she does. Very quickly in the film she goes and takes night classes at the college, cleans herself up, looks a million times better, and quickly meets John Corbett.

The courtship was the most rushed and unbelievable part of the movie. But, I suppose they wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as possible so we could get back to the quirkiness of the family. And, they were quirky. What’s quirkier that believing Windex cures all ailments? Huh? You tell me! What is quirkier than that?

There were some pretty funny moments in MBFGW. One scene that comes to mind, is when Toula’s Aunt learns that John Corbett is a vegetarian, something she doesn’t understand, and she says in shock, “What? He don’t eat meat?” ponders for a moment and then continues, “Well, do not worry, I make lamb!” And, everyone quickly goes back to dancing. I'm still laughing as I type this even though I feel like I have heard that meat joke before somewhere else.

Overall, the movie was pretty good and doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously. I would say it’s a fun movie. I liked it. I go eat some meat now.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 6 1/2 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch if you liked movies about weddings and other similar chick stuff

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)

DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- has some audio commentary I didn't listent to

Chinese Food: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)- with the "sauce mixed in"

The Proposal (2009)

2009-10-22T17:52:00.003-04:00

Directed by Anne Fletcher
Starring Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Betty White, Mary Steenburgen, and Craig T. Nelson

I don't know what it is with some of these actresses (I'll call them aging starlets) but they really need to stop messing with their faces. Who was it again? Let's see...first it was Meg Ryan...now its Sandra Bullock. Meg Ryan actually looks like the joker. And, Sandra Bullock, well she did something to her nose and I kept seeing elements of W.C. Fields as I watched this movie. Stop messing with your face! It doesn't make you look younger. It just makes you look like a porn star with a botched up face.

Sandra Bullock plays a pyscho, controlling boss who blackmails her "executive" assistant into marrying her so she can keep her visa and stay in the country. "But I'm only from Canada," she pleads. He agrees but only if he is promoted to editor and she publishes the book he has been pushing for months. She concedes and they're off to Alaska for his Gammy's birthday. She discovers he is an "Alaskan Kennedy" and hijinks ensue.

This movie is what "New In Town" with Renee Zellweger wanted to be. I'm not saying its great but it is a million times better then "New In Town" (see my review). Ryan Reynolds is great as always (see my review of him) and Sandra Bullock is a good actress (even though she looks like she got a nose job and botoxed the shit out of her face). Overall, I think Ryan Reynolds wasn't completly utilized.... but it really, isn't about him is it, Sandra?

I LOL'd a few times during this movie....I really liked the dog moments...and the moments with magical blanket that helps make babies. If you are a fan of The Office (American Version) look out for Oscar Nunez as the Renaisance man, Ramone. Although, his character pops up a little too often its good to see Oscar outside the office.

I don't really understand the whole Alaskan bit...setting wise...and...him being from a rich family....I know they were trying to show Sandra he didn't need the job...but... I don't think it was necessary for the story. Overall, for what it was, I did like the movie. It was rather enjoyable and Betty White was excellent as always. As "chick flicks" go, there are way, way, way worse. It isn't a must see but, whenever you do watch it I think you'll be entertained.

And, another note to all the aging starlets...LEAVE YOUR FACE ALONE!

Also, I broke a rule and didnt drink any beer with this...I enjoyed a nice, tall glass of water.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 6 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)- Probably because guys like Ryan Reynolds...I'm just sayin'.

Watch if you liked Miss Congeniality(2000) or Definitely, Maybe (2008)

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- has some audio commentary
Water: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)- very hydrating and refreshing

Grease (1978)

2009-09-29T16:04:00.010-04:00

Directed by Randal Kleiser

Starring John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Stockard Channing, and Jeff Conaway

Ok, so my lazy ass finally got around to watching Grease. I'm not going to lie to you. I had my netflix copy for about 2 months and really never felt like watching the stupid thing. And, why should I? Because I've been subjected to countless cackle of college sorority girls singing it in bars and making every one else's ears bleed? But, I can't really blame them. I'm the one that was lured in by the sound of sorority girls anyways. You know the song...You're the one that I want, Ohh Ohh Ohh...If there is a jukebox and sorority girls I think it plays about ever other song. As I write this the song is stuck in my head.

Wow, I didn't really realize how old John Travolta has got in last few years. I couldn't help but be amazed that somehow his career evolved from singing "Greased Lightning" to a very, wierd and almost homoerotic dance routine...to...that fat dreadlocked alien in "Battlefield Earth". Was this before his scientology days? Maybe Travolta his an alien. Oh well...doesn't matter...because I like the way he smokes cigarettes when he plays his crazy parts (i.e. Broken Arrow, Face-Off). Wasn't he dreamy girls?

What can I say about Olivia Newton-John. She was freaking hot. Especially, when she came out at the end dressed like a greaser. Ohh Ohh Ohh! I like what I seeing, Sandy. That's all I will say about her.

As for the rest of the film. It wasn't that bad. I probably won't watch it again. Personally, I would rather watch "Mamma Mia" again. Yeah, I said it. Accompanying me during the chick flick was a ice, cold Guinness. Why? Because it looked like a big, pint of grease. Yeah, that's right. I'm creative like that.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 2 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch it if you liked John Travolta and you thought he was dreamy.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

!!!War Movies for Chicks!!!

2009-09-17T16:43:00.011-04:00

With the success of Inglorius Basterds (2009), the new Tarantino flick, blowing up the box-office (literally) I figured most of you females out there were being dragged to the theatre to watch this one with your significant other. If you haven’t then you should be…it’s a great movie…and maybe it’s more of a chick flick then you think (but I won’t spoil it). I’ve compiled five great “chick friendly” World War II movies. So, go ahead and take it out on the hubby or boyfriend. Who knows they may even like it.

From Here to Eternity (1953)
Directed by Fred Zinnemann
Starring Burt Lancaster, Montgomery Clift, Donna Reed, Deborah Kerr, and Montgomery Clift

And, you thought it started with Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett in Pearl Harbor. Well, guess again. This is a great, great, movie and it even garnered Frankie Sinatra an Academy Award. You probably seen part of it before...you know the black and white scene with the couple rolling around on the beach at the watersedge...well, its from this movie. I've seen it numerous times...and I even read the book I liked the movie so much. This is a must see...for you and your boyfriend.

The English Patient (1996)
Directed by Anthony Minghella
Starring Ralph Fiennes, Juliette Binoche, Willem Dafoe, Kristin Scott Thomas and Colin Firth

This movie won like 300 Academy Awards (and if that doesn't mean anything to you, and sometimes it doesn't) then just take my word for it and watch it. It is what you chicks call a timeless, love story and there is lots of war so there is plenty for everyone. Very well acted and directed. If you saw it in the 90's then watch it again. If you have never seen it then watch it because I say so...and make your boytoy watch it, too.

The Diary of Anne Frank (1959)
Directed by George Stevens
Starring Shelley Winters, Millie Perkins, Ed Wynn, Lou Jacobi, and Diane Baker

Like me you were probably forced to read this book in school. And, even at the time you knew that this was an important book. You might have even got to watch the movie in class and give your English teacher a break. Watch it again, and this time, pay attention to the scene in which the Frank family is about to be discovered by the Nazis. It doesn't get more emotional or suspenseful then that. Is this necesarilly a chick flick? Probably not...but it was written by a chick and it is very, very good.

Notorious (1946)
Directed by Alfred Hitchcock
Starring Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, and Claude Rains

I am a huge, huge, huge Alfred Hitchcock fan. I think his films are the reason I even like movies to begin with. Few directors have been able to blend art and commerce so nicely. The Birds is one of my all-time favorite films...why might you ask?...well, one reason is that it really isnt about birds...there are birds attacking people...but...I'm getting off topic. This film is one of Hitchcock's best and at it's heart is many chick flick elements...the relationship between Grant and Bergman to say the least...plus, there are Nazis...look out for the macguffin...you tell me what it is.

Racing with the Moon (1984)
Directed by Richard Benjamin
Starring Sean Penn, Nic Cage, and Elizabeth McGovern

This movies stars Sean Penn and Nic Cage and I bet you haven't even heard of it. I came across it a couple of years ago and wondered how the hell I had never heard of it. I went out and found it on DVD and fell in love with. It took me mulitple viewings much thought before I finally admitted to myself that, at it's core, this film is very much a chick flick. It takes place in 1943 and Sean and Nic are like many other American boys ready to go off and fight in the war...Sean meets Elizabeth...and well...watch the movie. It's great. I highly recommend it if you liked "The Notebook".

He's Just Not That Into You (2009) PART 3

2009-09-04T09:00:00.007-04:00

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck,Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Scarlett Johansson, Kevin Connolly, and Jennifer Connolly

Ok, so here is PART 3. Things got a little out of control here. Be extra forewarned...there is great discussion on the female anatomy. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm serious don't say it...because I did. Once again, included in the discussion are;

Me (Single)
Chris (Married with a newborn baby)
Brian P (Married with kid)
Giff aka SMG (Sober Guy that's Married with kids)
The Roose (Engaged)
Holly (Single)
Alyssa (Married)
Sarah (Married with twins)
Tyler (Single)

Warning: Contains some adult language and possible spoiler alerts...so readers beware.

JOSHUA: What do you think about the guy "mythology" mostly spewed by Justin Long in the film (i.e. He won't call you if he's not interested, etc)? Is it true that gay guys look at each other for over 3 seconds if they're interested? I think it is.

THE ROOSE: The "mythology" has some merit, the problem is that Justin Long is the person giving the speech. I don't buy him as the slick lothario, never did. Also, not calling back is not “guy” exclusive.

CHRIS: I agree with Roose. I had a hard time buying into Justin Long feeding us the hidden secrets of the "Bro Code" like he's a cool hip Gandalf explaining the secrets of the ring to Frodo. I think I laughed aloud in the scene where his hostess was trying to set up a date and he was acting all nonchalant that they hooked up. Are you kidding me? A guy like Justin Long in real life (meaning he's not an actor) would be grateful for a hostess hookup. In fact, he was the worst cast character in this movie...well maybe Drew Barrymore was. When will people get over this calling thing, why the hell is it such a big deal? Obviously, the guy will call if he likes you, if he doesn't call he doesn't like you. How damn simple can it be, there are no excuses, it is so black and white, there are no hidden secrets. Do girls really try and make up crazy excuses why he DIDN'T call. When I was in single and lucky enough to actually get a number there was no way in hell I wasn't calling. That's my other gripe...guys in this movie getting numbers and then not calling. Why would you ask a girl you don't like for a number? Do guys really do this? I know I didn't...it seems like a waste of time for me. If I didn't like a girl I was talking to I usually just made fun of her without her realizing it (because she was a moron) and me and my friends laughed at her until she got mad and then hooked up with Willie or Ben Ray. I guess some guys collect numbers just so they can brag...yeah I got 13 numbers last night...douche. So maybe since I wasn't a "playa" and an expert in "spitting game" my numbers were always quality numbers and I always called. Now the girl calling back....that's another situation all together because as someone mentioned the calling thing goes both ways.

SARAH: I also think the “guy mythology” has some merit but shouldn't be taken overboard. I was literally hiding my face with embarrassment for Gigi's character; some girls NEED to hear it because they are completely accepting of the excuses they have generated in their heads. But some guys like the Kevin Connoly “vaginitis” character need some girl mythology too...God help him. He was her door mat and had no clue. Tooooool.

Gay guy look - I really don't know but I think it has some merit just from what I have heard/seen. Josh, you left out having a gay representative on the round table discussion.

JOSHUA: Maybe I did leave out a gay perspective… (Dr. Evil pinky in the mouth)… but, then again, maybe I didn’t.

TYLER: Two things…One, a door mat doesn't know it’s a door mat until someone wipes shit on it (sorry).And B, did anyone pay attention to this movie?There is an often mention history between Connor (Kevin Connolly) and Anna (Scarlett) that goes back far more than one night, so the once boned thing is out. He says that he slept with her more than a few times and if caring about someone who's company you enjoy, feel comfortable around, and truly want to be with makes you a vagina, then I guess I am what I eat...SUCK IT MONKEES!!

JOSHUA: Did Tyler secretly write this movie? Also, Is Scarlett (in general) over-rated? I'm going to call her the female Seth Rogen. She is too many places at once. Although, she is rather attractive.

ALYSSA: Yes, ScarJo is overrated. I don't think she's gorgeous and i think she is incapable of playing different parts. She has zero depth! I felt like she is the same character in every movie she's in. But, she did score herself Ryan Reynolds...I guess that counts for something.

JOSHUA: ScarJo? Did you make that up?

ALYSSA: No...I'm not that good.

THE ROOSE: Yes, she's been overrated for a while, now at least she's taking roles where she can act like who she really is...A big-breasted moron. Sorry, but she doesn't do it for me anymore, has no class either. Give me Zooey Deschanel any day.

GIFF: i love me some Scar Jo! Bring it!

SARAH: Wait, back to Tyler. How do you not see his character as a vagina or door mat? A chick is talking to you on the phone, says she will call back; doesn't and you call her back the same night? She comes over one night gets a foot rub and leaves with no hooking up or any excuse of being sick or tired - the relationship is working in reverse at that point. If a girl hooked up with a guy a few times and continued to pursue the relationship she is labeled as 'obsessive' or 'desperate'; if a guy does it he should suffer the label of vagina. I thought of door mat because ScarJo used him for foot rubs and self assurance that she would always have him as a rebound but thats just me.

TYLER: I think we are guilty of looking over what we call the "4th wall" and that is seeing what the characters aren't. If we as the audience were unaware of what Anna was doing behind Connor's back, perhaps we would side with him more, almost worried that she was ok. It’s very difficult to turn off the like switch even in the worst of situations (we all know people who cheated or got cheated on that stayed together). But when you like someone, are unsure or unaware of their feelings (especially when given mixed signals) it almost makes you like them more (goes back to inherent narcissism we all have). Let me pose this scenario: Say we see Anna ending the call with Connor in the store and then her checking out at the register and talking to Ben, that’s it. Cut to Connor and his roomate talking about the call and Connor decides to say screw her you’re right. Next we see her calling him the next day, night, etc and he just doesn’t answer. Does that make him not a vagina? Cause guess what, since we didn’t see anything more with Anna, turns out that Ben raped her and took her thousandth customer prize and left her for dead...which now makes Connor a dick. Perspective is everything and just because we could see what we couldn't doesn't make him a vagina.

CHRIS: I think I am officially tired of hearing the word "vagina." It used to be taboo, but after birthing classes, talking to doctors, and this discussion it has lost its effect.

TYLER: Wizard’s sleeve.

CHRIS: Is that slang for "vagina?" I'm not in college anymore, so someone might need to explain this to me.

JOSHUA: I think it was in the title for a Harry Potter book, “Harry Potter and the Wizard’s Sleeve”.

TYLER: “Borat” uses this vernacular.

GIFF: I was always a fan of "the box".

THE ROOSE: "The box" is good. I like "cooz" and "gash”. I heard it watching “Vision Quest” with Matthew Modine.

CHRIS: I've been married for too long. I'm not allowed to use those words.

SARAH: My husband’s terms got blacklisted as well - hatchet wound, furburger, twat...

JOSHUA: Furburger is my Dad's favorite term...although, I like the term va-jay-jay...

ALYSSA: My husband calls it a split face whisker biscuit. Classy :)

SARAH: Husbands rock.

GIFF: Hahah....all of those are great....come on Chris...be a man....stand up for your vocabulary. P.S. Don't tell my wife about this post!

BRIAN: Hairpie?

CHRIS: Haha, we are so off topic.

JOSHUA: Well, what did youthink of the movie? Did you not think the movie was funny? I laughed my ass off. What isn't funny about an obsessive "needy" girl, a douchebag husband, a controlling OCD wife, Justin Long as a playboy, a maniacal Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston getting dumped, Ben Affleck with overly white teeth on a boat, etc?

CHRIS: As far as this movie being funny...not really for me. I agree the confessionals were idiotic, the African American chicks had potential but still unfunny. The characters were so poorly developed that I had no feeling but contempt for most of them. I give this movie 2 out of 5, because I have seen worse, but my wife was actually able to sit through the whole thing...so we spent some quality time together. I also got a little pregnant loving from my wife afterwards because she felt I was a much better husband than Bradley Cooper's character, although I fear she was probably envisioning me as Bradley Cooper. Oh well...

-----------------

Final Analysis: Overall, I don't think everyone that participated liked the movie that much or thought i was that funny. I'm going to rate it below on what I personally thought of the movie.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 5 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)*

*It was a sweaty, ice cold Bud.

He's Just Not That Into You (2009) PART 2

2009-08-28T15:28:00.005-04:00

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck,Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Scarlett Johansson, Kevin Connolly, and Jennifer Connolly

Welcome to Part 2 (of what now has become a 3 Part discussion). This discussion mostly includes insight from Tyler (you may remember him as the guest reviewer on "Definitely, Maybe" ) but I've still included a list of everyone included in the roundtable discussion;

Me (Single)
Chris (Married with a newborn baby)
Brian P (Married with kid)
Giff aka SMG (Sober Guy that's Married with kids)
The Roose (Engaged)
Holly (Single)
Alyssa (Married)
Sarah (Married with twins)
Tyler (Single)

Warning: Contains some adult language and possible spoiler alerts...so readers beware.

JOSHUA: Tyler, I know you have a lot to say so why don’t you just go ahead and say it.

TYLER: So far it looks like everybody is on point, but not getting deep enough (that's what she said). I think this movie is hard to get too philosophical about...but I will.

JOSHUA: Go ahead…

TYLER: Let’s start at the beginning, and I don’t mean the first part of the movie (I’m not going to call it a film anymore because it wasn’t). We know this was based on a self help book co-authored by a man and a woman to help "empower" women to understand men better. But look who wrote it, the guy author is friends with Patton Oswald, I mean you have to suck at life to like him or think he's funny (sorry if you do, and I've never met the man but I think he's like a black liquorice jelly bean, takes a certain type) and the women author wrote for “Sex and the City” which in my opinion is responsible for an entire generation of women who think they're "empowered" but are actually fitting in to the oblivious delusional female stereotypes even more so (that’s a whole other discussion). The screenwriters (also a man and woman duo) work with Drew Barrymore's production company and are the geniuses behind "Never Been Kissed." Not that it was a bad movie, but it’s not going to blow your mind or keep you up at night talking about hidden meanings (it’s like eating playdoh, not going to kill brain cells, but not the best idea ever). Unfortunately Ken Kwapis (director) is paired with this mess and without him the film would have been worse if that’s even possible. Not only has he directed many episodes of The Office, Freaks and Geeks, Malcolm in the Middle, Larry Sanders, but also did "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” and “License to Wed”. If anything I see a lot of him in the movie when he's really trying but can only do so much.

I think we all agree this movie was pretty bad, I mean the tribal ladies in Africa talking about hut numbers and using the word awesome, are you expletive kidding me (sadly, this was one of the only parts in the movie where the kung fu voice over thing wasn't pissing me off, but then I got mad at my Mom for teaching me to read). Oh, and before I move on to things I hate less, how about the lame testimonials throughout the movie, I mean two overweight African American ladies talking about getting dumped and getting some ribs and ice cream, talk about perpetuating stereotypes. and the earing dude, I wish the kung fu master that I wanted to kick my cable box, Tiger's bullpen, and my face could hit him in his bald head with a ninja star...I digress.

JOSHUA: I thought the two fat ladies were funny. Especially when she made the joke about eating ice cream. Sorry, but I did. Not to get back on Gigi, but she was more annoying to me then those two fat ladies could ever be…unless they started to act like Gigi.

TYLER: Like I said before, Gigi was annoying but it wasn’t entirely her fault. I'm going to get Freudian on that ass and suggest that it’s a social construct based more on the enormity of our society paired with the technology and information that makes it seem smaller than it is. I'll clarify as best I can, but the gist of it is that when the idea of marriage was constructed (and love for that matter) it was a survival instinct, nothing more. We are here to pro-create and not much more (from a strictly animalistic perspective) but the Catholic church wanted to curb our reproduction and thus instituted the sanctity of marriage (also keeping the pews full, and I love Catholics, I’ve dated like 5, this is strictly history and not opinion based) but your community was closer, the congregation was your family, and your family actually lived with you. These are important ideas because marriage has become that idea for many of us, which is a good thing, but also leads people to be in a rush to find that togetherness with someone because in our modern society we move away (some of us, wish I did) and those ties aren’t as tight and close as they once were. It’s simply a need to be a part of something, with someone you care about. So as annoying as Gigi was, it is simply that need for acceptance that is missing in our increasing non-secular society, I mean think about it, she lived alone in a big city, had a couple friends, but nothing much more.

JOSHUA: Regardless of the history lesson Gigi honestly scares the shit out of me. I just wanted to reach into the movie, grab her, shake her and tell her it will be Ok. Then again, Jennifer Connolly’s character scared the hell out of me, as well. I’m easily scared.

TYLER: Jennifer Connolly’s character actually went through a very powerful development through the film. You see she had already been submerged in co-dependence from a very young age (they dated through college) and wasn’t being as controlling as you may think but was actually going through an internal battle for her independence, which was her subconscious way of gaining it from Bradley Cooper. There is some real good imagery here (thanks Kwapis) where she returns home and hangs up a picture of a lone chair on the beach, then cuts to her looking at the picture of them together in college right in front of their wedding picture. This is her independence moment as she finally realizing what she's been fighting for, and the cigarettes simply provided an excuse to cut ties. I mean she was not going to break up with him for cheating because he was honest about it (she defends him and uses "marriage" as the excuse to keep fighting for it) but the smokes signify the snake in the garden of Eden, providing the temptation that he was told not to give into, and upon realizing this "dies" for his sins by leaving him, but leaving him with the reminder that it was his fault. Now that I'm getting biblical on this biatch (nothing like biblical and biatch in the same sentence) we can look at the Delilah; Anna. For those unfamiliar, Delilah was paid a bunch of silver by the Philistines to screw over Samson. Although not approached by the Philistines, we can surmise that Anna's initial motivation was money (singing career) and was weak and poor (Hebrew translation of Delilah). Her weakness is obviously her poor moral standing, not respecting the whole married guy thing, and although the cigarettes were Janine's (Jenn Connolly) trigger for independence, Anna was responsible for the downfall of Bradley Cooper (her Samson). Jennifer Anniston's character represents the Virgin Mary, the sense of purity and love without bounds, with the exception of a simple request of marriage, and is blessed with the unexpected, when she finally sees the error in her ways: the unforeseen proposal. I don’t know who Drew Barrymore is supposed to be, but that’s probably cause its after midnight and I'm making biblical references to a movie that actually seemed longer than the Bible...

ALYSSA: Oh Bradley Cooper, how I love thee. I shouldn't have seen The Hangover before I watched this movie because in my honest opinion Bradley can do NO wrong. If I'm remembering correctly…Bradley cheated. He is just as much at fault as Scarlett is. Although, I tend to blame her a little more. He said he was married and she insisted they be friends. C'mon! She knew the more she flirted with him she could totally get him to stray. I have said to my husband before...I trust you but I don't trust women. We are totally manipulative and will find a way to get what we want.

BRIAN: So how do you girls feel about these rules and secret messages you think us guys do? I promise we are not that complicated, we suck a signal reading. Is it some innate thing that makes you analytical creatures? Or are you taught this growing up by other girls while your testing the relationship waters?

TYLER: I'm not done yet, that was just the intro…

ALYSSA: Why does Kevin Connolly always play the big Vagina in every roll he does? In “Entourage” as Eric, Vagina...in this movie...HUGE Vagina! He's the type of guy that deserves to be single. I think it would have been more fit for him to end up with Gigi at the end of the movie because they would have a great little pathetic life together. Would any guy seriously look at buying a house just to have some girl you randomly bang move in with you?? I'm going to guess not. I would like to think that guys his age don't sit around waiting for some girl like he did the entire movie. Oh wait, he ended up with Drew Barrymore at the end. I forgot she was even in the movie. I love a good fag-hag...I sometimes refer to myself as one! Isn't Drew taller than Kevin?? No bueno.

TYLER: Alyssa, while I think this true, I have also experienced it. You see this is the classic case of waiting for something better when you already have something good (think price is right showdown) and both sexes are guilty of this. I would argue that Connor is in fact the victim here. There is a beautiful girl in his life that he obviously has history with, who never let him go and just kept him on the back burner until she needed him for her own selfish reasons. You see us guys are very poor signal readers, and when you bang us and make us massage your feet and do gay stuff, we see that as liking us. It is hard for us to believe that a woman is capable of being a player in that regard (blame our mothers). I think its a perfect example of the human quality wanting what we can't have. Connor's date with Gigi was an example of realizing that you do in fact like the other girl and are willing to pursue it. Been there too. The movie, characters, and storyline are simply human; flawed.

JOSHUA: Kevin Connolly's character drove me nuts. He was as bad as Gigi in a lot of ways. I will say, at least, he was honest. I agree with Tyler in that most guys have been through a scenario in which we got banged and then did, quote unquote, gay stuff (probably in our early twenties). It happened at least once and we learned our lesson. At least I did. Hell, I recently heard a story through the grapevine in which a group of young 20's roommates call on of their boyfriends (not officially) "little bitch" behind his back and get him to do stuff. He will learn. We all do. I agree with Alyssa, don't offer to buy bobble-head singers that you've only slept with once a house. I've never been there but I've been there....like I said, once and never again.

TYLER: After thinking about it, Alyssa, I think you Anna'd me in high school A.B. (Insert wink face here) you got me twisted... Minus the sex part! (Felt the need for clarification in a public forum).

ALYSSA: Ohhhhh Tyler. We didn't bang! ;) Sorry if you think I Anna'd you. I “heart” you.

TYLER: Haha, that's why I sent the clarification message, but think it serves as an example that no matter how lame/general/misanthropic any of these qualities and behaviors are, at one point and time we have all probably exhibited them or had them exhibited to us.

JOSHUA: Wow.

To be continued in PART 3....

He's Just Not That Into You (2009) PART 1

2009-08-18T18:21:00.013-04:00

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck,
Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Scarlett Johansson, Kevin Connolly, and Jennifer Connolly

Ok, so it's been awhile since I've updated this. I've been slacking I know. But, it's isn't entirely my fault. Ok, maybe it is.

I tried to conduct what I thought would be a lively discussion with different people on this movie; a "round table" discussion of sorts. It quickly grew legs and got lengthy if not interesting. So lengthy, in fact, that I had to break it up into 2 parts. Who knew some stupid chick flick could spark such passionate opinions. Included in the discussion are;

Me (Single)
Chris (Married with a newborn baby)
Brian P (Married with kid)
Giff aka SMG (Sober Guy that's Married with kids)
The Roose (Engaged)
Holly (Single)
Alyssa (Married)
Sarah (Married with twins)
Tyler (Single)

Warning: Contains some adult language and possible spoiler alerts...so readers beware.

JOSHUA: This movie revolves around a mix of different singles and couples and at its heart is really a story about relationships. There is the desperate single girl, the sexpot, the married couple (the eye wandering husband and the slightly controlling wife), the forever unmarried couple (the wants to get married girlfriend and the “I don’t believe in marriage” boyfriend, the playboy smart-ass bachelor, the other not-as-desperate-single girl, the sexpot chasing slightly desperate bachelor, and some gay couples. It has a really good ensemble cast.

With so much going on in the film there are a lot of different topics that we can discuss. Chris, I’ll start with you because you claimed the movie was “totally guy bashing”. How and why did you find it “guy bashing”?

CHRIS: Okay, when my wife picked this movie out I figured I was in for it and I was right. The summary on the back claimed it was a "super, sexy, savvy right now romcom." First off, I hate when people try to make little nicknames for stuff like "Brangelina”. Secondly, I thought the movie was neither sexy nor savvy. This is mainly because with such an all-star cast all the women especially Drew Barrymore looked horrible in this. What happened to Jennifer Connolly's eyebrows? Is she from Russia or something?

I am sick and tired of guys being portrayed in movies, TV, and commercials as sex driven, compassion-less assholes. Every guy in this movie was a jerk (at least at the beginning). Now I know there really are guys out there that act like some of the characters in this movie but in my opinion they are few and far between. I think for the most part guys want what girls want and which is to love and be loved. Movies like this scare me because it makes me think that this is the way that women think ALL guys are. The men are definitely the enemy in this movie, even the most likable guy in the movie, Bradley Cooper, becomes the worst guy in the movie and it was only because Scarlett Johansson came on to him so hard. Where is the nice guy in these movies? Where is the guy who always gets the "I just want to be friends" speech? Women complain and whine that they want a good guy but they always gravitate towards the jerks. The women in this movie never had a chance because the writers and directors didn't give them any quality men (exception of Ben Affleck, near the end) to choose from. This is not reality because there are plenty of good men out there, I think our married women can attest to that.

BRIAN P: I’m going to agree with Chris on all points. Especially the eyebrows, wtf were her stylist thinking? My wife literally questioned me for 2 days after this movie and figured that deep down I was waiting to cheat on her at any moment. She also wanted to know my "guy secrets". ** Newsflash... guys are really not that complicated. The little bit of complicated genius we do have gets used on cool sh*t like inventing the Xbox 360 and farting in crowed situations and not getting blamed.

JOSHUA: Even though this movie did have moments of badly stereotypical "guy bashing" (see all the married guys) I didn't really think the movie went completely out to attack the male species. If anything, I think it bashed women as much as it did the men in that there were just as many badly stereotypical female traits. Both of the people in the Jennifer Connolly/ Bradly Cooper marriage were bad. The movie made her look like a controlling bitch as much as it made him look like a complete douche. That being said, I think Bradley Cooper was the worst character in the whole film and I think there are plenty of men like him in real life.

HOLLY: I agree with Chris and Brian. The men in this film were poorly represented but in the movies defense with such a large cast, character development was at best mediocre. The male characters though all had redeeming qualities (Except, Bradley Cooper, I have no tolerance for cheaters…even though Scarlett was quite the pursuant concubine.) Justin Long was very honest, even though it was to his determent; he still was very upfront with [Gennifer] even if it was not what she wanted to hear. Ben Affleck compromised his own views on marriage to keep the one he loved. And back to Chris’s remark about men who get the “I just want to friends” speech, this honor in the movie actually went to Kevin Connolly, when Scarlett let him have a taste but denied him seconds.

Granted these men are not an accurate depiction of men today and most certainly not an accurate depiction of men I have dated but as a single twenty-something I have encountered men who do behave as such. These characters are but a small percentage of the male population that does exist.

SARAH:At least the male characters get to experience a metamorphosis - the women are mostly the same!!!

JOSHUA: I don't think it portrays a negative stereotype of guys at all. While Ben Affleck's character is only in the film for about 3 minutes I think his character is one of the few that resonates most. He is completely honest with Jennifer Aniston about never wanting to get married and he sticks buy those beliefs. The film set-ups Bradley Cooper/ Ben Affleck in the beginning so that the audience thinks Ben Affleck is just a horrible person who won't marry Aniston and Bradley Cooper is the faithful husband who is tempted by Scarlett. It then flips it and in the end Ben Affleck ends up being the good guy and Bradley the asshole and rightly so I think. When Affleck proposes to Aniston it is because he realizes that he actually wants what she wants because he loves her...and that is to get married. It isn’t normal but the thru-line to the whole film is, "be the exception, not the rule", and I think it is trying to showcase that by showing the development of a unique relationship against the demise of the classic marriage. In the end, I think Affleck is a nice guy so nice guys are portrayed. I mean how much nicer can a guy be who says (after Bradley Cooper says "Don't married guys just think about all women they are going to miss out on?"), "I don't want to be with any other women. I just want to be with Beth [Aniston]. To me, it doesn't get anymore "nice guy" then that.

ALYSSA: I think that the Aniston/Affleck story line was pretty predictable. It did nothing for me.

THE ROOSE: I know...

JOSHUA: You know what?

HOLLY: Honestly, I did not have such a great distaste for the male cast but more so for the female cast. No wonder these men made such poor decisions their counterparts were, weak, morally corrupt, obsessively analytical, and just desperate. Not one of these women in my opinion represented a strong independent female. So back to Chris’s comment about the men not giving the women a chance, visa versa.

JOSHUA: Again, like I said before, I think they is plenty of "girl bashing" in the movie. I mean, women aren't the only ones who over-analyze and over-react. I think there are plenty of male Gigi's and Scarlette's out there. And, what about Gigi? Could they have made her any worse?

GIFF: Right on. I thought there were an abundance of accuracies in this movie. All she [Gigi] wants is to get married. She falls in love with every guy she dates. All she sees is kids, a house, dog and white picket fence. I know more women like this than none. She is so annoying in doing so....urghh.....desperation...what a turn off. Which is why Scarlett's character is so appealing....

TYLER: I can tell that Gigi was really annoying, but not uncommon in my opinion (right on Gifford), but I don't think its her fault. Eye opening first scene with a kid telling a girl she's poop and pushing her down was actually hilarious, and I wont argue that many of us (men) are mean to girls at that age (only cause we don't know what a blow-j is yet, once that's discovered the ass-kissing, free drinks and dinners begin).

ALYSSA: For SURE everyone has met or knows a Gigi. There are quite a few girls out there that are identical to this character. This girl was raised on the thinking that by a certain age you should be with someone in love and well on your way to marriage. It’s such a pathetic character but definitely realistic! I was dying a slow death for this girl when she spent the better part of the party playing hostess b/c she thought this guy liked her. I seriously did feel sorry for her!

SARAH: I really do think there was an equal amount of bashing for both sides and every character experienced an ah-hah moment that had you changing your opinion. Men: (1) the good guy that tells the hot chick he is married/ends up cheater -- "bad guy"; (2) the playboy tell it like it is bartender/ends up sweet guy with the lovesick girl -- "bad boy turned good"; (3) the anarchist artist/ends up compromising beliefs to make himself and his lady happy -- "selfish jerkface turned knight"; and finally (4) the douchebag no call back/lovesick guy chasing the girl he will never get -- "the nice guy that finishes last". Women: (1) Controlling wife that pressured her husband into marrying her (2) The sappy girl who falls in love at the drop of a hat and resembles fatal attraction; (3) The f@g hag (sorry if anyone who takes offense to this - I love gay people) who seems to play the perpetual role of the 'best friend' who hides behind her feelings; (4) The hot little whore who keeps coming back to the married man; and (5) The woman that starts to imitate the behaviors of character # 1 by telling her boyfriend it's marriage or nothing but gets lucky after all.

CHRIS: I guess I was being a selfish male when I only thought to watch the movie through a man's eyes. Reflecting on the women in this film, some of them were pretty horrible as well. I think some women would be offended by the controlling wife, the annoying girl who falls in love with every guy she meets and was extremely overly analytical. At least I hope women aren't like that. I agree with Joshua that the movie did try to lead you think the opposite of the Ben Affleck and Bradley Cooper characters but also agree with Holly's point that this movie had absolutely no character development. She makes a good point saying that there were so many characters the plot was spread pretty thin. I think that's why I really couldn't "get into" this movie because it was hard to identify with any character. I guess the directors were trying to hit on stereotypes but it just didn't work for me.

ALYSSA: I hate Scarlett and this movie made me hate her even more! Overall I was pretty disappointed in this movie. It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be AND I was really happy when it finally ended.

BRIAN P: Can we discuss the pool scene? That was hot...

JOSHUA: I’m not gonna lie. It was pretty hot. Although, I think Scarlett is highly overrated as an actress.

ALYSSA: I know you guys loved the pool scene but I thought the office scene was pretty hot. I ended up over analyzing the scene though. It was pretty obvious to me that the relationship between the two characters were totally different for each character. Scarlett really liked this guy and I think that in her mind she thought what most home wreckers think...I'll get this guy to leave his wife for me! I'm the younger, more attractive and more fun girl so why wouldn't he want to be with me?!?! Bradley just wanted to get laid by someone new. He needed to prove to himself that he still had "IT" It was totally apparent that was all he wanted when during the office sex scene they were making out and he turned her around to get her from behind. He didn't want to look her in the face. Looking her in the face made more of a connection for him, one that he didn't want to have. And when he shoved her in the closet and porked his wife while she had to listen...it proved my point even more!

CHRIS: I guess I was being a selfish male when I only thought to watch the movie through a man's eyes. Reflecting on the women in this film, some of them were pretty horrible as well. I think some women would be offended by the controlling wife, the annoying girl who falls in love with every guy she meets and was extremely overly analytical. At least I hope women aren't like that. I agree with Joshua that the movie did try to lead you think the opposite of the Ben Affleck and Bradley Cooper characters but also agree with Holly's point that this movie had absolutely no character development. She makes a good point saying that there were so many characters the plot was spread pretty thin. I think that's why I really couldn't "get into" this movie because it was hard to identify with any character. I guess the directors were trying to hit on stereotypes but it just didn't work for me.

Something New (2006)

2009-07-24T14:26:00.004-04:00

Directed by Sanaa Hamri
Starring Sanaa Lathan, Simon Baker, and Blair Underwood

I don’t really drink that much dark beer. But, beer is beer and I don’t discriminate when it comes to light or dark beer. So when a friend suggested I try Guinness I thought, “What the hell. Why not? You only live once.” I always considered trying one only it never really felt like the right time. Sure I’ve had a small taste of Guinness before but I never ordered one for myself. So I bought one, popped it, and listened to that little ball dance around the inside of the can as I poured it into a frosty pint glass. At first it was really stout and attacked my taste buds almost as if it knew we were different, that I didn’t normally drink dark beer. But, I was patient and as time progressed (sip after sip) we feel into a nice harmonious rhythm. It wasn’t all easy. There were times when I felt insecure…like I shouldn’t be drinking this and Guinness would let me know. But there were other times of pure bliss, passionate, even love. In the end, it didn’t really matter that it was a dark beer. I just saw it for what it was… a delicious beer.

The movie wasn’t all that bad, either. It was about a beautiful high profile lawyer named Kenya who can’t seem to find the right man. She doesn’t make it easy. She’s a workaholic, somewhat judgemental, and has a list. And, that list is long. She isn’t looking for that much. He just has to be attractive and have a job plus about 300 other things. This list is the reason she is single and dateless on Valentine’s Day. She has good girlfriends, though, who love her and back her up. One of them sets her up on a blind date with Brian. She agrees and then she meets Brian. He seems nice only there is one problem. He is white and she is black. Brian doesn’t care. She does and quickly ends the date. It isn’t until she discovers he is a highly sought after landscape architect and hires him to work on her backyard that the “love” begins to happen.

This is a pretty good story and it will keep you wondering what is going to happen. I liked it a lot better than I thought I would. I’ll recommend it without making so many of the obvious jokes that I could easily make. Come on people…Can’t we all just get along?

It likes the late Micheal Jackson (RIP) said;

Now I believe in miracles
And a miracle
Has happened tonight

I said if
Youre thinkin of
Being my baby
It dont matter if youre black or white

Download the song, watch the movie, drink a Guinness.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 5 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)- He’ll probably like it. I did.

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 4 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)*
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

*For the unnecessary and somewhat strange introduction by Blair Underwood.

The Notebook (2004)

2009-07-16T16:01:00.011-04:00

Directed by Nick Cassavetes
Starring Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, James Gardner and Gena Rowlands

Ok, so I have been getting a lot of requests for me to write a review on “The Notebook”. The only problem is I’ve already seen “The Notebook” multiple times. For me to write a real review on “The Notebook” it would break every rule I’ve ever made in reviewing these movies aka “chick flicks”. Does “The Notebook” deserve enough for me to break my own rules? Let me go over them again;

1. I must have never seen the chick flick before.
2. I must watch the chick flick alone. (That means no girlfriends, friendgirls, girlfriends of friends, friendgirls of girlfriends, girlfriends of girlfriends, friendgirls of friends, Moms, Aunts, sisters, cousins, or any of their girlfriends, lesbians, Grandmas, or hot girl neighbors who seem to mysterious live near you but you can figure out where they live or if they have a boyfriend or even better, a girlfriend.)
3. I must drink a beer while watching the chick flick.

Those are my rules. And, they are finite. But, rules are made to be broken. Especially, my rules. I am, after all, the Ultimate Bad Boy Rebel (in Polo shorts).

The first time I caught “The Notebook” I was visiting my parents and my Mom had just made me a plate of nachos. They consisted of crispy tortilla chips, sour cream, ground beef, salsa, lettuce, tomatos, and three types of Mexican cheeses. Why does it have to be Mexican you ask? Because Mexican taste better. Especially, on nachos that my Mom makes.

I’ll admit I wasn’t really watching the movie. I was concentrating more on getting the nachos in my mouth as opposed to all over my bare chest. It was summer and it was hot outside. I had just helped out by cutting the lawn. No, that’s a lie. I helped out by yelling to my Mom that she should take a break from cutting the lawn and make me some nachos because it was so hot outside. Now, as I said, I was eating the nachos and watching “The Notebook”. It’s not TV, It’s HBO.

The movie was somewhere about halfway through. James Gardner was running around telling some story about Ryan Gosling (who had really, really, white teeth) to some old lady who had no idea who he was or who she was or anything else for that matter. All she knew was, “I like this story.” What a stupid old lady. Oh really, old lady, you “like” this story. Why don’t you just shut up and eat some more yellow pudding because you’re stupid and you’re old. This is America!

Then the part happened. You know which part I’m talking about. The part where she stands up and says, “Noah, it’s us. The story is us”. And, he says, “Yes….”. And, that stupid old lady makes want to cry when all you wanted to do was eat some nachos and have your Mom go back to cutting the grass (even though your Dad who wasn't home told you to do it for her) so you could have control of the TV while you enjoy your nachos. OK. But, no. That would be too easy. Instead you have to fight back tears.

The next day it came back on and I watched it from the beginning and loved it. It’s a great, timeless love story. And, for all you guys out there that are hatin’ and refuse to watch it. Guess what? It’s really a story about a guy because Noah is the main character. Even though you try to act tough you’ll relate to him. And, if you don’t then I hate to be the one to tell you….You’re a chodemonkey…so go pop your collar and get the hell out of here.

Final Analysis: “The Notebook” is a great movie. And, I decided if I ever get married then I want what they have in “The Notebook”. We die together. If I can’t have that then I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life, grow old, and tell stories to myself that don’t make any sense to me, then remember the stories, and then go die alone in a bed hugging myself. Cheesy I know but I like cheese (read what I wrote about nachos).

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 10 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)- If he doesn’t like it then break up with him.

Chick Flick: 5 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)*
HBO: 5 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Nachos: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

*It's a 5. I'm not here to argue technicalities such as cliche plot devices, cliche storylines, cliche characters, cliche white houses, and cliche white Ryan Gosling teeth. Because you're cliche. I just know how it made me feel. And, I never felt so alive.

Why Every Guy Likes Ryan Reynolds In a Strictly Hetero Man Crush Sort of Way

2009-07-10T16:32:00.005-04:00

I recently attended a “manshower” for a friend, with a beautiful baby girl on the way, and discovered something very interesting. During dinner while discussing chick flicks and beer and babies and beer the subject of Ryan Reynolds came up. And guess, what? Not one guy out of about 15 had one bad thing to say about him. So, here are the top 10 reasons every guy likes Ryan Reynolds in a strictly hetero “man crush” sort of way;

10. He is into girls and pizza places.

9. He drives a Triumph motorcycle and motorcycles are cool.

8. Because he looks likes he's just “having a good time”.

7. He is Van Wilder.

8. Because we all saw how jacked he was in that Amityville Horror and Blade 3 and thought, “damn.” (in a strictly jealous totally hetero non boner inducing sort of way).

7. He used to be engaged to that Allegra Morrisette chick and she used date Uncle Joey from Full House so you do the math. Hint: The answer is John Stamos.

6. Read reason #3.

5. If my buddy Tyler met him in a bar he would actually take him to the base (and by "base" I mean have sex with him).

4. “I told you he’s just cool. I can’t explain it. Stop asking me to. I like chicks, OK.”

3. He married Scar Jo (that’s short for Scar Jo).

2. We couldn’t get that cut if we ate lettuce, meat, and steroids for ten years.

1. ___________________________________________*

*Fill in your own reason for having a man crush on Ryan Reynolds.

Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

2009-07-02T15:26:00.008-04:00

Starring Isla Fisher, Hugh Dancy, Joan Cusack, John Goodman
Directed by P.J. Hogan

NAME: Rebecca Bloomwood
OCCUPATION: Journalist
CREDIT CARDS: 12

You know that feeling that you girls get when you see a hot guy. You know how your heart beats faster, you get weak in the knees, and time stands still. Well, that’s how Rebecca feels about shopping. She loves to shop. It makes things better and when she shops for a brief moment the world is a better place….and then its not…so she shops again. The only problem is she’s not wealthy and she has to charge everything to her multiple almost entirely maxed out collection of credit cards. Girl, you got a problem. $16,000 worth. Looks we have ourselves a shopaholic.

Seriously, stop judging her. She knows she has a problem. She knows she’s in debt. It’s not her fault. She wants to stop. She can’t. Mannequins are freaking talking to her in the store. They are telling her to buy these things. She is afraid. Sh!t, I know I would be. I would do what they say, too. Either that or run screaming from the store. And, its not like what they want her to do is that bad. All she has to do is buy some Prada shoes, or a Guccini handback or something and they stop talking to her. Sounds like a deal to me.

One day, after realizing how much she really is in debt, she meanders into a store and is told by one of these Mannequins to buy a green scarf. This mannequin tells her that the scarf isn’t a need, it’s a necessity. She must have it to stay warm in the wintertime. It’s OK to buy right, as long as it’s a basic need. And, she needs it to look fabulous for her job interview at her dream magazine, She grabs the scarf and heads to the counter only to discover that $50 cash, and $20 dollars on one card, and $30 on another, and more on another declined card, isn’t actually enough. Can you hold it please? No, we don’t hold sale items. So, what does Rebecca do? She panics and runs out of the towards a hotdog vendor who refuses to cash a check for all his hotdogs over $23 dollars. Enter Hugh Dancy. Where have I seen him before? Oh yeah, “The Jane Austen Book Club”. That’s right. He’s dreamy. Anyways, in the movie he’s just a guy who wants a hot dog. So much in fact, that to get her out of his way, he gives her $20 bucks and waves goodbye with a catchy one liner. Now, that’s pimp (pronounced P, I, M, Pimp).

The stage is set…for romance, comedy, drama, hijinks, fashion, and everything else. Will Rebecca get her dream job? Will she get the man of her dreams? Will she ever break her shopping addiction? Well, you’ll just have to watch to find out. But, I will say there is plenty of mishaps, shopping, and poppy techno music to go around (with robot voice lyrics like “now you’re a girl... a girl, girl, girl... you go shop girl...you girl girl girl...now you go shop some more... and then you go girl").

You’ll remember Isla Fisher as he semi-crazy girlfriend turned wife to Vince Vaughn in “Wedding Crashers” (2005). She is pretty good in this too. There are also some decent actors in some of the secondary roles. Joan Cusack and John Goodman seem to be having a lot of fun playing the frugal parents of our shopaholic. Kristin Scott Thomas, etc. etc.

I didn’t actually drink a beer with this one because I watched it while I was sick sitting at home. I did have some Progresso Traditional 99% Fat Free Chicken Noodle soup. It had their “most tender chicken ever” and was full of vitamins and minerals. And, at only 100 calories a serving you can literally go nuts on it. I ate it cold, right out of the can, and it was still dee-lish.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 2 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch it if you liked "Sex and the City: The Movie" (2008) or you like shopping.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)

DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)

Soup: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

The Jane Austen Book Club (2007)

2009-06-23T16:07:00.007-04:00

Directed by Robin Swicord
Starring Maria Bello, Emily Blunt, Kathy Baker, Amy Brenneman, Maggie Grace, Jimmy Smits, and Hugh Dancy

This movie was not recommended to me. I chose it because the title alone sounded horrible and very “chick” to me. It seemed like the farthest thing from anything I would want to watch. What could be interesting about a bunch of women sitting around talking about Jane Austen? It was directed by a chick, written by a chick, starred a bunch of chicks. In other words, it made for women by women.

To accompany the flick I went with the obvious choice, Budweiser, the King of beers. There was no alternative. What is more American than Jane Austen and Budweiser? After all, she is one of America’s best known “chick” authors and “Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman”. Then I found out she was British and wasn’t even a doctor. So what? Budweiser isn’t American anymore. They were one of the last great American companies then they sold out to the Swedes or some other country. So we have an ex-pat beer and a British chick author, Jane Austen and Budweiser. The two still go hand and hand.

The movie is about a group of women (and one dude) who escape the difficulties of everyday life by creating a book club and reading Jane Austen. The rules are simple. There are six books and six members. Each one gets a specific book and hosts a meeting with food and discussion themed after their specific book. The drama in their lives reflects the drama in Jane Austen’s stories and vice versa and versa visa. Oui Oui.

Each women in the group is different from the next. There is the newly divorced Mother, her young lesbian daughter, the spinster, the socialite with multiple ex-husbands (what do they call those again?), the overly tense, uptight young high school French teacher, and the guy is a semi-dorky science fiction fan. There is plenty of drama to go around. The divorcee sees her husband running around with his new piece of ace, the French teacher is fantasizing over her beefy student, the lesbian loves too easily, the spinster is trying to set the divorcee up with the sci-fi geek but likes him herself. The only chill one is the older woman that has been married multiple times. But, don’t let that fool you. This had plenty of gossip to fill my drama king lifestyle.

Now, the question is, “Did I like the movie?” The answer is, “Yes, I did”. As the movie progressed I went from completely uninterested to finding it pretty enjoyable. I cared about the characters and what happened to them and I liked the story. It was a neat premise and while technically it did have its fault (dialogue, stereotypes, cheesy music, clichés, etc) I won’t really go Into to all that here. Focusing on the story I enjoyed it. Plus there was a little bit of lipstick lesbian action. For you girls out there, If you haven’t seen it then watch it.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 3 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Watch it if you liked "The Wedding Date" (2005) or "Love Actually" (2003)

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 3 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)*

*minus 1 for selling out

The Sweetest Thing (2002)

2009-06-17T15:42:00.006-04:00

Starring Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair, and Thomas Jane
Directed by Roger Kumble

Recommended by: Ashley

Ok, so I was always paranoid that I would come up with some great idea, tell the wrong person, and then have somebody steal it and make millions of dollars off of it. I did not, however, expect that someone would completely steal my life story and make a movie out of it without anyone even telling me. “The Sweetest Thing” is totally about me. In fact, 99% of its true and actually happened to me. The only difference is that in the film they changed the gender to female and then cast Cameron Diaz to play me. Here are some examples;

1. I totally grabbed some guys @ss at a club in San Francisco trying
to hook my friend up who had recently broke up with his boyfriend.

2. I totally stared into what is described, in the film, as a “glory hole” and had a penis stuck into my eye after which I proceeded to pour contact solution all over my face while b!tching about it to a friend who witnessed the whole thing go down.

3. I’ve totally been caught on a “piercing”. Although, not in the same way as portrayed in the movie. Well, I haven’t been caught but I have interacted with one.

4. I totally lived in San Fransciso, California. (Ok, I haven’t lived there but I’ve seen it on the map and I hear it’s a great place to visit. I’m totally planning a vacationthere as soon as I accumulate enough hours to take off of work.)

5. I totally perform dance movie montages in dressing rooms all the time.

I am hurt and outraged that Hollywood thinks it is “Ok” to steal someone’s identity, flip gender, and then cast Cameron Diaz to play them. They even changed the name from Joshua to Christine. That is totally not cool.

“The Sweetest Thing” is about three twenty-something females who live together in San Francisco. Christine is the player of the group. What we would call a “maneater” (listen to the song by “Hall and Oates”). She meets men and then chews them up. Or kisses them and runs away. There is also her best friend played to perfection by Christina Applegate. She is a successful lawyer and she is wild and rambunctious. I love her. No seriously. I…love…her. She completes me. I might drive to San Francisco right now and find her and have a litter of kittens. Only she’s not real. I just gotta keep telling myself that. She is not real. She’s only a character. Anywho, the third friend is Selma Blair. She falls in love easily and just broke up with her boyfriend. The movie starts with Cameron e and Applegate taking Selma to a club to get her a transitional man to ease her pain. Cameron grabs Peter’s ass, played by Thomas Jane, to try to get his attention so she can hook up Selma with….

SIDE STORY: I once saw Thomas Jane while waiting in line to get into a bar in Hollywood. He was slowly walking down the full length of the line very, very, very slowly while holding the hands of a little girl. I probably wouldn’t have noticed him except that he was looking deeply into the eyes of everyone he passed. He would stare at someone for a moment, pause, and then go on to the next person and start the cycle over again. No one recognized him until he got to me and then looked into my eyes. I very calmly nodded my head and said, “What’s up, man.” He gave me a scowl as if to say, “How dare you say what’s up to me in front of this little girl.” And then he moved on, passing the transgender musician near the front of the line. He crossed the street and disappeared. The guy in front of me said, “Was that f@cking Thomas Jane?”, to which his buddy replied, “Who?”. True Story.

Back to “The Sweetest Thing”.....

…and that is what really got me thinking in the movie. I mean could this really happen? How do they know how to make up geese sculptures out of foil. These are the sort of things I think about on a daily basis.

This isn’t really the type of film to really, truly, write up a review for because it doesn’t take itself that seriously. It also has some great scenes with the always good Jason Bateman. I didn’t hate and I probably could sit through it again. My beer of choice was a no-name brand called “Simpler Times Lager” that was an average lager. The DVD has some interesting “making of” featurettes.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 3 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 3 manly high fives (out of 5)

Sex And The City: The Movie (2008) - The First 20 Minutes

2009-06-10T16:15:00.014-04:00

Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, and Cynthia Nixon
Directed by Michael Patrick King

Due to my inability to watch the entire film in a single viewing (only making it 20 minutes on my first attempt) I have decided to write my review for “Sex And The City: The Movie” (2009) broken up into an -As Many Viewings As It Takes to Make it Through The Entire Movie- Part Series. Let’s begin.

I’ve got to admit I’ve never really liked “Sex And The City” when it was on television. In fact, I couldn’t stand it. When I first saw the title on HBO I thought it was some sort of “Skin-o-max” type show. I remember trying to watch an episode a few years back and couldn’t focus for more than 10 minutes. It gave me immediate ADHD. I had the attention span of a chicken with the tiny head of baby squirrel on methamphetamines . Those 10 minutes were all I had ever seen other than a random scene here (specifically one with the slutty one) and there (another one with the slutty one) and there again (I watched that last one I referred to with the slutty one quite a few times). I would hear girls talking about some “Mr. Big” and “how amaaazing the show was” but I never could get into it. Borrinnng. And, why should I? I’m a guy and I don’t wait for the ships to come in. Okay, maybe sometimes I wait for the ships to come in. Well, you know…wink, wink. ;)

When this film was recommended to me it was suggested that I should watch it while drinking a Cosmo (that’s short for Cosmo). Unfortunately, I don’t know how to make a Cosmo and I don’t like olives or cranberry juice or pickle juice or cherries. So, instead, just to make it special, I went with a red wine. It was a blend; 42% Cabernet, 18% Something, 40% Something else, 100% Dee-lish. I know I’m breaking my own rules but they’re my rules and I’m allowed to break them. Hell, rules are made to be broken especially the ones I make. Moving on…

So I have no idea about anything. I don’t know any of the chick’s names. I just know there’s the blonde one, the slutty one, the brunette one, and the redhead. They are like a freaking boy band. I even think Lance Bass is somewhere in there with Scary Spice. So, the movie starts and BOOM!! Sarah Jessica is doing here thing…being her and being fabulous…she is still dating some guy named “Mr. Big” while the redhead went off and married some guy and moved to Brooklyn or the Bronx which is called the “New Manhattan” and the slutty one got herself some nice boymeat and moved to Hollywood and is rockin’ it Cougar style while the brunette finally got married after a long, long search and is happy and there might be some kids somewhere and 40 is the new 20 and 20 is the new 15 and 15 is the new 37 (Have you seen what teenagers are wearing these days? It’s disgusting!). Honestly, the intro was pretty amazing. I had no idea what was going on. Ok, so we are all caught up, right?

Now, Sarah Jessica is looking for a new place with Mr. Big and…let’s stop on Mr. Big…Why is he called Mr. Big….is it because of the size of his….wallet? Haha, got you there. . I’ve never been “Mr. Big”, maybe “Mr. Average” or “Mr. It’s Not Really the Size That Matters But How You Use It”, but never “Mr. Big”. I’m only 5’ 8 3/4” tall. Apparently, he is Mr. Big because he is the man and he is Sarah Jessica’s…Mr. Big…because she has always been looking for Mr. Big…and life is grand. Anywho, they are looking at apartments in NYC and Mr. Big is so much the sh!t that he just randomly decides to buy some badass penthouse. We learn of his badassessnessness when he casually says, “I got it”. Just like I say, “I got it” when I buy someone a hotdog or a can of soda. Now, let’s change the scene where I will be playing the part of Mr. Big. If I was looking for apartments with Sarah Jessica in the Big Apple the scene would have played out differently. If she was going off about how amazing the penthouse was and looking at me like its pipe dreams I wouldn’t have said, “I’ve got it”. I would have said, "I farted." And, she would have said, “What? Did you say you got it?” And, I would say, “No, I said …I farted. Now, let’s get the f@ck outta here, Because this sh!t is way too expensive.” Like I said, I’ve never been called Mr. Big….and with good reason.

Now, ladies, I’ve got to ask you this? What is up with Sarah Jessica’s wedding dress? I don’t know anything about dresses…and I mean anything. But, that thing is hideous. Please don’t tell me she ends up wearing that. And, why does the redhead keep haten’ on Sarah Jessica? The slutty one was haten’ too but at least she called right back and was like, “Girl, my bad”. And, the brunette was screaming (high pitch) way, way, way too much. I couldn’t take it anymore right about twenty minutes in when Murphy Brown showed up and wanted Sarah Jessica to be in a Fabulous 40 profile in her magazine. I had to turn it off.

Stay tuned for the next 20 minutes.

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)*
DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Wine: 3 manly high fives (out of 5)

*Strictly for the amaaazing Intro.

New In Town (2009)

2009-06-04T11:50:00.008-04:00

Starring Renee Zelwegger and Harry Connick Jr.
Directed by Jonas Elmer

I went to the grocery store in search of the perfect beer to drink while watching “New In Town”. I wasn’t completely sure what exactly that beer was. From reading some of the synopsis of the film I knew that it took place in Minnesota so I scrolled the beer selection for something possibly brewed in Minnesota. No luck. Maybe I’m an idiot. Maybe some mainstream beer like Pabst comes out of Minnesota and I didn’t know this. Although, I do know that I like Pabst, especially when it is iced down in a trash can and sold for $3.00 at happy hour. The $3.00 Pabst is the most delicious. Especially when everyone else is drinking appletinis and $6.00 Smithwicks. No Pabst, though. I needed something in spirit of the movie, something that would reflect what I hoped to see in the film, something with that Zelwegger quirk or that Harry Connick, Jr. charm. Nothing was catching my eye and this grocery store had a huge selection. And, then he caught my eye.

He was starring at me from a distance with penetrating eyes and a crooked smile. He was challenging me to buy him and daring me to take one sip of his brewed evil. It was the devil himself, horns and all, branded right across the label. And, he was talking sh!t. He looked deep into my eyes and said, “You’re not worthy”. Excuse me? I’m not worthy? Who the f@ck do you think your talking to? I’m the most worthy beer drinker there is! Hell, there was a period when I could throw back a case of beer or more in day. I’ve tried it all. And, if they’ve brewed it then pretty much I’ve tasted it or had it poured on me in college when I was passed out. You dirty devil…you arrogant bastard…he winked at me…from the beer label…appropriately called Arrogant Bastard Ale. So I grabbed the beer… and turned to discover a rather large hippie/ stoner looking at me from a few feet down the aisle. I wonder how long he had been watching. Was he a hippie/ stoner or was he just a stoner? Why was he watching me? Wait? Is he watching me or am I watching him? Maybe he wasn’t staring at me. Maybe I just thought he was and then he saw me look at him and now were staring at each other. Sh!t. Just give him the “guy code head nod” and roll out. Head nodded and….the stoner/ hippie nodded back. Sweet. Ok, I’m out. I quickly purchased the beer and headed home ready to see if Renee and Harry do their thing.

“New In Town” is about an independent career minded women named Lucy who is sent by her company to oversee a factory in Minnesota. It’s your basic “fish outta water story” and there are plenty of funny moments to go around. What I noticed most about the beginning of the film is Lucy shoes. And, let me tell you…this woman really does know how to pick out a pair of heels. Even I was impressed. Nice legs, Renee (she must do pilates). Anyways, Lucy mingles with the town’s residents (their scenes are the ones that make this film watchable to me, especially, the character of Blanche) and crosses with Ted, played by Harry Connick Jr. Of course, they don’t get along and hijinks ensue. Let me warn you. This is not the Harry Connick Jr. from “Hope Floats”. I was hoping to find that Harry Connick Jr. and I was left in the cold; The Minnesota cold with brownish ale, and the arrogant bastard eerily mocking me. It’s not that his acting his bad its just I don’t believe Renee’s character would ever fall for him (Ladies, tell me if I’m wrong). And, I’m not saying she does fall in love with him. I wouldn’t want to ruin the movie for anyone.

Now, back to the beer….I didn’t really like it. It wasn’t really my cup of tea. It had a very bitter taste to me. It wasn’t a bad beer I could tell that. It just wasn’t my steez. It’s not like I could complain because the label actually says;

Questions or comments? If you don’t like this beer then keep it to yourself—we don’t want to hear from any sniveling yellow-beer drinkin’ wimps, ‘cause this beer wasn’t made for you.

I know I’m talking a lot about the beer. This should tell you something about the movie. I liked it better than the beer but it still is just your average cookie cutter “chick flick”. Nothing too special here. I could also go on about how “aged” Renee looks in some of her close-ups but I won’t do that here. It wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me. Let me just say she is not “new” to town. And, while I am it. Renee! What are you doing? You were so good in “Jerry Maguire” and “Cold Mountain”. At one time I really thought that you “completed me”. Didn’t I stalk you? Now, you’re doing some straight to DVD(?) no better than average chick flick? I mean come on. You could have been the next Meryl Streep instead of the next what’s her name? Actually, what is her name? I can’t remember.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 2 manly high fives (out of 5)

The Wedding Date (2005)

2009-06-01T10:26:00.010-04:00

Starring Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney
Directed by Clare Kilner

GUEST BLOGGER: BRIAN P.

First I must say that I’m not the “chick flick” fan at all. I don’t ever remember faking to like these movies in an attempt to make myself seem sensitive or romantic. All I know about chick flicks is the effect they have on my wife;

• Usually, she has the courtesy to watch them in the bedroom so the main television is not taken up.
• These movies seem to make her crave lots of chocolate.
• Of course, she always cries at the endings.
• Then we have a 45 minute argument about how I’m not romantic….
• To which I get suckered into rubbing her feet or massaging her shoulders in an attempt to make myself seem somewhat useful.

So I sat down to watch this movie and to be honest I dreaded it. I opened up a Miller Light and pressed play. My wife was at work and my son went to go see a movie with grandma, so the conditions were perfect for this review. This is the first time I have ever watched a chick flick from start to finish all by myself.

The plot of the movie stems around a lonely Kat Ellis (Debra Messing) who has just received a wedding invitation from her sister in London. Kat has apparently learned that her ex-boyfriend, whom she still loves, is going to be the best man at this wedding. Kat decides to hire a male escort, to well, escort her to the wedding so she will appear to have moved on with her life, make the ex-boyfriend jealous, and then force him into happily ever after-ness.

The monkey wrench in this whole scheme is the dashing Dermot Mulroney (Nick) who is the hired escort. He seems to know what to say, how to dance. He is your typical man’s man and all they crud that a normal dude isn’t. I must also mention in here that this Film was directed by Clare Kilner, a woman… who apparently has mastered the art of the rump shot. There are a good three to four minutes of bare man ass in this film so be prepared.

So anyway, as you may have predicted, (unless you are ______*) and I’m not even going to throw in a spoiler alert here because, seriously, if you haven’t figured out that Kat and Nick end up falling in love at the end, then you probably don’t have the attention span to read this review, or even watch the full movie. Let alone pick up on my overuse of the comma in that last sentence.

I do have to give props for the speed that this movie carries the plot. It literally jumps right into it. It is also a good first chick flick for the beginner like me. It hardly borders on romance or comedy. In fact, I don’t think I laughed once.

There are also two hot scenes worth mentioning. The first is a scene in which Nick is proving to Kat that he is a professional escort and knows how to tune into what people want him to be. He forces Kat up against a cab and makes her close her eyes. Then he tells Kat what she wants to hear about letting go, and moving on, while at the same time nearly kissing her. There is just something hot about a woman tossed up against a car.

The other hot scene is when Kat is drunk after the bachelorette party and goes to the ATM to withdraw some money. When she is getting out of the limo you can barley catch a glimpse of Debra Messing’s panties as she stumbles out of the limo. Just those subtle panty moments made it worth it. If you are paying attention I did say moments, which implies more than one panty moment, but you’ll have to rent it yourself to find the other.

All in all this was a good _____ _____* of a chick flick. The fast plot, harshly undeveloped characters, and double panty shots, makes this a good chick flick that a guy could actually get through without falling asleep.

Chick Flick- 4 bon-bon’s (out of 5)
Dvd- 2 panty scenes (out of 5)
Beer- 5 burps (out of 5)

Editor's Note:
*represents omissions or changes made by the editor in an attempt to not offend readers. Please enter your own appropriate descriptors.

A Walk To Remember (2002)

2009-05-26T08:47:00.006-04:00

Starring Mandy Moore and Shane West
Directed by Adam Shankman

Recommended by: Allison

I just finished watching “A Walk To Remember” about two minutes ago. And, I’ve got to say…Nicholas Sparks…What is your deal? I mean, come on, bro! Does someone have to die in every single one of your stories? I’ve been watching movies based on your books since before I even knew who you were and that there were movies based on your books and looking back I realize everyone single one has a death in the end. I think the first one I saw was “Message In A Bottle” starring Kevin Costner and Robin Wright Penn (Jen-nay). That one really got me. I didn’t know what the hell it was. I thought I was watching some movie about a hard, loner boat builder and all of a sudden this chick shows up…it gets all lovey dovey…life is great…and then (SPOILER ALERT)…a storm randomly hits at sea and Costner dies…and I’m fighting back tears. I didn't know who to blame so I just blamed the cable company. Screw you HBO! Then a few years later comes “The Notebook” well don’t get me started…I will say that at least that death seems reasonable…well, at least they are really old.

According the DVD cover, Mark S. Allen (UPN) says that, “Mandy Moore is Awesome."

The movie’s opening was great with one of my favorite songs from the early nineties, a buzz-clip, called Cannonball by The Breeders. It even played the whole song. I didn’t even let the douche crew on screen ruin the song for me. What’s with all the high fives and chest bumps? Who the hell is this wannabe Abercrombie model, circa 1999? Is that Mandy Moore? No, it isn’t. Who the hell is that chick? Where’s Mandy Moore? Did I hear Mandy Moore married Ryan Adams? That sandwich from lunch didn’t sit well. Or was it a burrito? I can’t remember. Why did I agree to watch this? All these guys look alike to me. That dude’s car looks pretty cool. Why do they keep yelling? I wonder if I have any Tums. I’m too young to own Tums. Should I pause it and go to the bathroom? What the hell is the douche crew talking about? Maybe I should go to the bath….Ohhhhhh! Some kid did a face plant. Oh shit, he looks paralyzed. What did these douchebags make him do? Cops! Action! Nicholas Sparks? Bathroom!

Finally, Mandy Moore enters the film and she looks pretty nerdy. Kinda got a church thing going on but, I dig it. I’m not even into Mandy Moore. Why was my interest in this film hinging on her involvement? Was it the "awesome" comment by Mark S. Allen (UPN)? Why am I asking so many questions? What happened to the kid that did a faceplant? Mandy Moore is singing. She looks young as hell in this. Peter Coyote is playing a preacher? Now, I’ve seen everything. Wait, no I haven’t. What the hell is the Abercrombie, circa 1999, doing? I’m not talking about the lead guy. I’m talking about the guy who keeps waving his arms around when he talks. The guy that gets hit in the face in the cafeteria after they make the “Virgin Mary” Mandy Moore flyers. What a chode! Hejust got hit in the face by the Main Guy and now he is calling him a chicken. How does that make sense? Watch the movie again (if you've seen it and look how he carries his backpack, it's worth it). I really can’t get over the Main Guy’s friends in this. They suck and the people playing them can’t act for sh1t. Think I’ll pour me a nice tall pint of Harp. Dee-lish.

The love story isn’t that bad. I’m feeling it. Seemed a little rushed at first, but they’re teenagers (Hell, I once drove from Florida to Pennsylvania for a girl I met on a cruise). I can buy this. This movie isn’t all that bad…wait…I forgot something. It’s Nicholas Sparks. Ok, whose gonna die? Well, its been on a while. No one seems to die yet. It might be safe to get slightly involved in the relationship between the characters…Nope….leukemia. Damn you, Nicholas Sparks! What are you trying to do to me? Mandy Moore doesn’t want a reason to blame God…Ok, Mandy, you don’t need one….just blame Nicholas Sparks…because he created you and then he gave you leukemia….that sucks. It is kinda sweet though that you and the Main Dude are getting married and fulfilling your #1 goal on your list. You go girl! Good job Buddy!

You know what? I agree with Mark S. Allen (UPN). Mandy Moore you are awesome.

Even though (SPOILER) she dies in the end I have to give it to Nicholas Sparks. This movie does have a pretty good message overall. I also like the fact that they didn’t make the church girl stuff seem slightly realistic and not too hokey. I also like that they didn’t cheapen the whole movie with sex.

Overall, a pretty good story. I will say that the leukemia and hospital sutff made me want to pour out my beer. Technically the movie needs a little work. But, not a bad story. The only problem is that it’s called “A Walk To Remember” and I don’t actually remember a walk or even that much walking…so, it loses a couple of “cool points”....when was the walk? When he brings two blankets and they look at the stars? If there was a walk it wasn’t that memorable.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)

DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)*

Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

*For the "awesome" comment by Mark S. Allen (UPN)

Grandma Likes Chick Flicks, Too!

2009-05-22T14:40:00.003-04:00

I think sometimes we forget that our Mothers, Aunts, and Grandmothers were once chicks too. We forget that they probably dragged our Fathers, Uncles, and Grandfathers to movies they had no desire or intention to see. So, in honor of Memorial Day Weekend, I’m remembering Grandma and suggesting you go out and watch one of her chick flicks. The movie I’m recommending to see this weekend (if you haven’t seen it yet) is “Casablanca” (1942). It’s a timeless love story, and there is some action, but in the end it’s a tearjerker. Most people won’t claim it’s actually a “chick flick” but it is. It’s also appropriate for Memorial Day because of its WWII themes and setting. It’s the type of “chick flick” that Grandpa would leave, saying “That was actually pretty damn good. Now where are my cigarettes and brandy?”

“Casablanca” was nominated for eight Academy Awards in 1944 and ending up taking three home (one for Best Picture). Now, a lot of you will go off, maybe take my suggestion, and end up watching “Casablanca”. Then you’ll turn around and attack me for the recommendation arguing it’s not a “click flick”. It is. While Humphrey Bogart shares the lead in this film I feel the real story is IIsa’s played by Ingrid Bergman. She is the one who has to make sacrifices for the different men in her life. And, it is truly heartbreaking. Good flick.

Now, if you’re the type of person who claims “black and white” films make you “sleepy” (like I was unbelievably once told by a fellow student in film school) then check out, “Steel Magnolias”. This was recommended as a possible “ultimate” chick flick. I’ve never seen it. But, it looks like it has a bunch of old ladies in it. So, that still goes along with the Grandma’s chick flicks theme I’m going with. However, I can’t see how it would have any military themes. Maybe it does.

Or, just watch whatever you want.

Whatever you do…HAVE A GREAT MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!

Mamma Mia! (2008)

2009-05-20T10:11:00.006-04:00

Starring Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, and Amanda Seyfried
Directed by Phyllida Llloyd

Let me start by saying, I loved this movie! Now, with that being said…

When I first saw the trailer for “Mamma Mia!” I thought, “Wait a minute? Is this a musical about a woman who can’t determine who the father of her daughter is? WTF? Wait, let me rephrase that. So they made a musical about a woman who had so much sex she doesn’t know who the Dad is between three different guys? And, it’s based on a Broadway musical? And, Meryl Streep is playing the Mom? And, Pierce Brosnan is dancing? And, its based on the songs of ABBA? I'm not judging but...Again, I say, WTF?

This is not the type of chick flick that I would ever have any interest in watching by myself or forced by a female...Girlfriend, Wife, Cousin, Sister, Mom, or otherwise…I would rather watch 14 hours of a Creed/ Limp Bizkit reunion tour than watch this. I would rather listen to Gilbert Godfrey read me passages from the bibles than watch this. And, I hate to admit it, I would rather watch “The Sex and The City” movie before watching this. Actually, No, I take that back…I would not rather watch SATC (apparently its longer than the Lord of the Rings Trilogy). And, I saw the "Mamma Mia!" trailer before I watched the George Clooney/ Renee Zellweger dud, “Leatherheads”, which proves I will watch just about anything.

So, what did I do? I watched it. Not just for the sake of my blog but because, as I said, I will watch just about anything including Gilbert Godfrey read passages from the Bible.

The movie opens in a small seaside town along the Mediterranean as a girl quietly mails three envelopes in the middle on the night. Mysterious. We quickly learn, in song if I’m remembering correctly, that this girl is getting married and these three invites are secret wedding invitations. She has lived her whole life fatherless and after recently discovering her Mother’s old diary she learns that it could possibly be three different men. One of these men is played by Pierce Brosnan…and he sings. Yes, that is right, I said it… James Bond sings and it is very weird and melodramatic…but still very entertaining. Another one is played by Colin Firth, who is in every British chick flick ever made. He sings and then turns out to be gay…I think…well, he dances off with a hunky Greek guy. And the third is played by this Swedish dude that you’ve seen in like 800 other movies as the intense/ stubborn guy. What else was he in? Oh yeah, he was the intense/ stubborn Professor that discovers Matt Damon in “Good Will Hunting”. He also plays an intense/stubborn security guard in “Angels and Demons” which I saw last weekend…not bad. Enter Meryl Streep….Oooooh….need I say more? Anyways, the daughter wants to figure out which one her father is so he can walk her down the aisle. And they sing;

Mamma Mia!
Here we go again.
My, My
How can I resist you?

Remember these lyrics because they will get stuck in your head!

The music is what made it for me. First of all it is ABBA so you have songs like “Dancing Queen” which is probably the most familiar. I’m not really a fan of ABBA and I have to admit I actually thought one of these songs was by Fleetwood Mac. What the hell does ABBA stand for anyways. (Ok, so I just wiki’d ABBA and apparently it is an acronym of all the band members names). I like the name Bjorn. What is that? Japanese?

The beer I chose to accompany “Mamma Mia!” was Weihenstephaner: Heff Weissbier (pronounced “Wei-hen-step-han-er”) and I think it’s German. The label claims it is from the World’s Oldest Brewery. I poured it into a frosty pint glass and it looked deliciously golden. It was fairly strong and since I have the tolerance of an 8-year old Geisha in training I was quickly buzzed. I think the buzz helped me get into the mood and into the musical. So, did the wine that followed the beer. I felt like Pirouetting around my apartment singing "Dancing Queen". Great song.

All in all, this was a great film. In fact, I was hesitant to mail it back to Netflix. I had resist the urge to run back and throw it back into the DVD player. Wait, I just added it back to my queue maybe next time I use the Sing-Along DVD feature…Mamma Mia! Here I go again.

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 5 manly high fives (out of 5)

Definitely, Maybe (2008)

2009-05-15T10:11:00.005-04:00

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Elizabeth Banks, Isla Fisher and Kevin Kline

Directed by Adam Brooks

GUEST BLOGGER: TYLER

First and foremost I want to say thanks for a great Furby day on Monday, although I never received any sweaty Budweisers or cans of dip; but then again the mail is slow so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Yep, you guessed it; it’s me Tyler on this track. Reason being that Joshua had alluded to watching “Definitely Maybe” as his next film for the website, but I insisted on writing this one because there is no way that he truly understands this film the way I (and you soon) do. You see this film is complex in its simplicity and filled with other oxymoronic hyperboles that a Film School grad cannot appreciate…however a Film Minor haver can (I’ll have a business card for that soon).

“Definitely Maybe” came on Cinemax this evening at 9pm CST which presented an excellent opportunity for reviewing the film for this article. BUT, I have missed the last six episodes of The Office and started watching them on Hulu at about eight o’clock. The significance of this event is two-fold; the first being that OnDemand is awesome; allowing me the best of both worlds, and the second will follow shortly. As is, its 11:05pm and I’m betting that I’m the only single 29 year-old male sitting in a recliner with a pinch of Copenhagen in who is watching this movie OnDemand and actually blogging about it. My beer of choice for this movie is of course Budweiser, but my roommates drank all mine this weekend so I’m stuck with two cans of dip, some watered down blue Powerade from the super-sized double cheeseburger value meal I had for dinner, and yes I also ordered a spicy mc-chicken for good measure.

Before I blow your mind with the true meaning of the film, let’s go over the basics. The film is a retrospective of Will Hayes’ (played by Reynolds) love life as told by him to his daughter Maya (girl from “Little Miss Sunshine”). Maya had gone through sexual education in school that day, prompting her to ask her dad the story about how he met her mother. If you’ve never heard a child say the words thrust, penis, and vagina in the same sentence, you’re probably better off, but provides for some laughs similar to hearing old people rap (see “Wedding Singer”). This is where the unseen complexity begins. If you made it through 6th grade than you know what the three-act structure is: Intro, setting, call to action/quest, pursuit, challenge/achievement, resolution, and conclusion. “Definitely Maybe” incorporates this in a broader sense, having each act serve as a three-act within itself, while being narrated by the protagonist who at times also serves as the chorus keeping the story in line, creating a unique storytelling device. This is Shakespearean sh!!t right here, and that’s where the chickflickiness ends! Yeah, you heard me (sorry Joshua) THIS IS NOT A CHICK FLICK!

“I don’t think anyone ever imagines that their wedding day they’ll be part of the 46% that doesn’t end up living happily ever after…then again I never thought I’d spend my days weeks and years working at an advertising agency trying to figure out how to get kids to eat Captain Crunch instead of Fruit Loops.” These are the first words spoken by Reynolds (as the narrator) and set the entire tone of the movie. This film serves as an opus for all men in their late 20’s and early 30’s, married or unmarried, employed or unemployed. You see it’s really about our failed dreams, past relationships, binge drinking, and sex with multiple partners; and I don’t care who you are, if you’re married, happily or miserably, in a relationship or single, successful or losery, or sitting naked in a kiddie pool, EVERY last one of us tells this story in our head more than we will ever admit. If anything this movie is anti-chick. Women are responsible for every setback Will experiences in the movie, even beyond the heartbreak. While working on the Clinton campaign the mistress issue becomes very prevalent, eventually leading to his ultimate breakdown and loss of respect for President Clinton, and more significantly throwing away his dream of being president. No guy has ever noticed this, probably due to the fact that they were focused on getting some HJ action from the woman who forced them to watch it. Hell, Isla Fisher is the female lead and she is hot as shit. Not just based on looks, but also because she’s married to one of the most genius comedy minds of all-time, Sasha Baron Cohen (Ali G for the layperson). Ladies, this is what men want: Hot-a$$ chick with a banging body with a sense of humor that rivals their own, complete with a little gypsy soul (I’ll concede that maybe not all men like that, but they wouldn’t be on this website and are not as cool as me and my friends) and a non-dream destroyer.

Now back to the significance of my watching The Office earlier this evening. Michael Scott, although in different ways, displays the same characteristics that Will Hayes and almost all men do. First, an almost blind optimism regardless of circumstance, Second, an artificial sense of confidence and strength, Third, a sensitive and sentimental disposition, Fourth, a wry sense of humor and physique that is not befitting of the character. The quote “Maybe you should go to life rehab” could have easily been said by either character, and definitely maybe by every man to a woman (under our breath usually).

Well as the movie ends and my dip cans are empty (I’m enjoying a Skoal/Copenhagen hybrid made famous by Jeremy Carter) I will bring this to a close and make a few concessions in the process. The movie does have a happy ending, tells a decent love story, and focuses on true love not just between man and woman, but also father and daughter; all of which are chick flick devices. Other notes of importance are a great soundtrack, no nudity (big let down), penguins, unrealistic social circles (politically correct), and random classic literature references. All in all it’s a great film and I’m not afraid to say it, hell I’ve watched it at least 15 times. I urge you to revisit this film after reading this because you will see it in a whole new light, and for the dudes out there you can rent it to look all sensitive to your lady and probably get at least an HJ. If I had to classify it, and I do, it’s a “Biblical, Shakespearean D!ck-flick for chicks” and you can quote me on that.

D!ck Flick: 5 cheeseburgers (out of 5)

On Demand: 5 hugs from Furby (out of 5)

Dip: 4 big gulpy spits (out of 5)*

*Cope was a little old, but the Skoal was magnificent and well balanced for that smooth spit you need while watching a movie.

Terms of Endearment (1983)

2009-05-11T09:34:00.010-04:00

Starring Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, and Jack Nicholson
Directed by James L. Brooks

Recommended by: Sarah

In honor of Mother’s Day I chose to watch (due to a recommendation) the 1983 film “Terms of Endearment”. It turned about to be especially appropriate because it is a film about mothers (and a drunk Jack Nicholson, not like that has anything to do with mothers, unless your mother is a drunk and likes Jack Nicholson. Mine hates him and she doesn’t drink). Also, in honor of the maternal day I also decided to drink red wine instead of beer. The wine of choice was a 2008 [yellow tail] Shiraz- Cabernet finely aged (because I cook with it and its been corked for a while, and by cook with it I mean mix it into Prego marinara sauce and throw it in the microwave) and economically easy on the wallet with the friendly price of $5.87. I had to drink it out of juice glasses because I do not actually own any wine glasses.

I know you must be asking yourself why, “Terms of Endearment”? Why not, something like say, “Monster In Law”, or something with Meryl Streep? I ask myself the same questions? Why not something with Meryl Streep? Perhaps “Sophie’s Choice” would be an excellent Mother’s Day pick. Why does J-Lo have such a bubbly ass? These are questions that need answers.

The idea to watch TOE came about during a dinner discussion. I claimed that “Marley and Me” was one of the saddest films I had ever seen. What can I say? Dogs strike a nerve. The counter argument was that nothing is sadder than “Terms of Endearment” when Debra Winger’s character tells her son on her cancerous deathbed, “I forgive you”. I thought there is no way that compares to “Marley and Me” when Owen Wilson bends down to Marley in the Veterinarian’s office and whispers to him; “You know when I told you that you were a bad dog? I was wrong. You’re not a bad dog. You’re the best dog.” Heartbreaking. How can anything be sadder than that?

Well, “Terms of Endearment” is pretty sad. Especially, when you’ve had three full juice glasses of stale red wine. And, the fact that it’s Mother’s Day doesn’t help either. Good Lord. Is it a good film? No, it’s a great film. If you haven’t seen it then you should. And, let me warn you. You are going to cry. It is f-cking sad. I won’t ruin it for you and tell you what it’s all about. It’s about mothers and daughters, and mothers and sons, and drunk astronauts played by Jack Nicholson. It’s funny and its sad as hell, sad sad and good sad. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and then the movie will end and you’ll pass out on your air mattress from the stale red wine at 1 o’clock in the afternoon only to wake up confused 3 hours later.

Chick Flick: 4 1/2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 3 manly high fives (out of 5)

Don't Forget Mother's Day and Furby Day 2009!

2009-05-08T13:55:00.006-04:00

Just a reminder to everyone out there who's paying attention. Do not forget to send your Mommy a beautiful bouquet of roses and cards and chocolates with love. Or, the least you can do is give her a call and let her know that you care. Is that so hard to do? Just do it!

Also, because he is my first, and my only follower (as of right now) I have decided that Monday, May 11 while be forever known by me as Furby Day. So, do not forget to send Furby some roses and cards and chocolates. Or, the least you could do is send him a can of dip or six pack of sweaty, ice cold Budweiser. He would love that. If you don't know who Furby is well then you can't really send him any presents but if you do then celebrate away.

Everyone have a great weekend! Look back here on Monday for my new chick flick and beer review.

Girl Power!

2009-05-06T11:19:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo and I went out after work and drank two Blue Moon’s with a delicious orange slice to celebrate. I also had a quesadilla that wasn’t very good. But, hey, when in Rome do as the Romans do. Or, when in America celebrate anything that gives you a reason to consume mass quantities of alcohol. Oktoberfest- Awesome, Cinco de Mayo- Superb, St. Patrick’s Day- Green Beer!, Christmas- Why not! Egg Nog!. We are a melting pot…I’m not complaining. I drank my beers in honor of my half Puerto Rican- half Mexican friend…Ole! He can get a darker tan than me in the summer and he’s always tan in the winter. Anyway’s, I getting off topic.

I drank my two dee-lish beers and headed in Barnes and Noble (pronounced No-blay) and discovered a great book called, “The Ultimate Guide To Chick Flicks: the Romance, the Glamour, the Tears, and more,” by Kim Adelman. This book has it all. Romance! Glamour! Tears! And More! OMG! This looks incredible. It includes an incredible index of films. Here are few that I’m sure to review in the future;

-Breakfast At Tiffany’s
-Bridget Jones; The Edge of Reason
-Dirty Dancing
-Funny Face
-Kate & Leopold
-Prelude to a Kiss
-Sweet Home Alabama
-Somewhere In Time
-Shall We Dance
-Teen Witch

Apparently, there are rules to the chick flick. I tried to form a definition of “Chick Flick” in an earlier post. Here are some of the rules according to the guide;

1. Create a sympathetic heroine.
2. Offer up a love-worthy hero
3. Don't forget the best friend.
4. Something is wrong with the heroine type.
5. They meet.
6. Toss in impediment to the romance.
7. They dance.
8. Memorable
9. The hero employs the three magic words.
10. Achieve the ultimate happy-ending

I can’t wait to read this thing. I will work my way through the entire list of Ultimate Chick Flicks. I’m also interested in finding out if there is a list of AFI (American Film Institute) top 100 Chick Flicks or Romantic Comedies. I’ll keep you updated. Girl Power!

Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

Bride Wars (2009)

2009-05-05T14:34:00.004-04:00

Starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway
Directed by by Gary Winick

The tagline for this film is, “Even best friends can’t share the same wedding day.” Sounds titillating. Did somebody say cat fight? Grrrrr. I definitely wouldn’t kick Anne Hathaway off the air mattress and Kate Hudson is a M.I.L.F. (MILF I’d Like To Be Friends With). Didn’t she have a couple kids with that skinny bearded dude from The Black Crowes? I quickly grab a Mich Light and press play. Time to see if Princess Diaries can take on Kurt Russell’s stepdaughter. Sounds like a cage match for the ages.

The concept is simple. Two best friends dream of having their wedding at the Plaza Hotel in June. Somehow, they get booked on the same day which means they can’t be each other’s maid of honor and insanity ensues. It gets crazy. Poor Anne gets sprayed bright orange and looks like one of the midgets from Willy Wonka. And, Kate’s hair gets her hair dyed blue a week before her wedding day. OMG! Watch out girlfriend!

For some reason, I could see this being more hilarious if it was about two guys fighting over their wedding dates. It could called “Groomfighter: Fists of Groom” and star Hugh Grant and Colin Firth. They’re Metro-Sexual Americans living in NYC and…Guess what? (In Sing Song Voice) They both want the Plaaazaa! Can you see Hugh Grant’s face when he realizes his hair is turned blue? Laugh Riot all the way!

I couldn’t help but root for Anne in this one…I mean come on Kate, you got a nice ass, but why don’t you get the f-ck outta here. Anne seems sweet at first and Kate’s character always gets what she wants. Pause. Gotta get another Mich Light…mmmm…dee-lish.
Hit Play…They arguing again…Is this movie still on?

Honestly, I don’t care how adorable (to annoying) Anne Hathaway can be or how Milfy Kate Hudson is, this flick just got…borrrrrinnnnng. But, in the end…I won’t tell you the end but I bet you can figure it out. (In Sing Song Voice again) Insanity. This movie had a lot of potential and went nowhere fast.

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 3 manly high fives (out of 5)

Sleepless In Seattle (1993)

2009-05-05T11:55:00.005-04:00

Starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan
Directed by Nora Ephron

I decided my first chick flick would be one of the two films that actually got me into chick flicks. One is“Sleepless In Seattle”. The other is “When Harry Met Sally”. They are both co-written by Nora Ephron. I liked this movie when I younger and I still like it today. So, I ran out and picked up the Anniversary Edition on DVD, rushed home, threw it into the DVD player and grabbed a beer.

I don’t care who you are…man or woman…if you don’t think Tom Hanks is the shit…then you’re lying. Because, he is, most definitely, the shit (pronounced slow like, Sheee- It). Almost everything he has ever done is classic from “Big” to “Saving Private Ryan”. And, if he happens to be in a crappy movie (i.e. “The Ladykillers”) his acting is still superb. When Tom feels it, I feel it…and so do you.

Don’t get me started on Meg Ryan. I think I was in love with her at some point and she is at her best in SIS. In 1998, a friend and I were soo into Meg Ryan, that after we were stood up by our dates we went to see “You’ve Got Mail” with each other. Then, we quickly vowed never to tell another soul. I think I actually kept that secret…until now. Meg Ryan was the It girl for a while. Then she ran off and had a fling with Russell Crowe, got plastic surgery, and now she looks kinda like the Joker. Why did she have to mess with her face?!!!

Ok, so there I am, watching SIS again for the first time in years. The title clears and we see Tom and his son at a funeral. Tom’s upset…therefore I’m upset. Everyone is telling him to get help. He decides to move. Seattle. Enter Meg Ryan looking good with her fiancé, Walter, played to perfection by Bill Pullman (I actually forget it’s him). They are going to her parents’ house so Walter can meet her parents for the first time. He is allergic to everything. Wait….We have a problem. Now, I know that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are going to get together at some point, they have to…but, Holy Crap, she lives in Baltimore and he lives all the way across the country….how the hell is this supposed to happen?…and, Meg Ryan doesn’t believe in signs…Oh, No!...now I’m sucked in. It’s a good thing this Bud Select is so dee-lish.

SIS is the one of the deepest of all the chick flicks. It's like the Charlie Kaufman version of the romantic comedy other then, like, the actual Charlie Kaufman version of the chick flick, “Eternal Sunshine and The Spotless Mind”. Why? Because it works on so many levels and basically retells the story of a movie that is within the movie (kinda like the Charlie Kaufman version of an adaptation of a novel called “Adaptation”). It retells or spins the events of “An Affair to Remember” starring Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr (or is it Karr? I can’t remember) within the action of “Sleepless In Seattle”. How deep is that?

I’ve already rambled on too long about “Sleepless In Seattle” because we all know it’s a good movie. My next chick flick will be the newly released “Bride Wars” starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway.

Chick Flick: 5 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 3 manly high fives (out of 5)

Real Men Wear Pink!

2009-05-05T09:59:00.006-04:00

One rainy night I was sitting home alone in my furniture-less apartment watching the semi-classic Tom Cruise/ Nicole Kidman film “Far and Away”, directed by Ron Howard, when a friend called and asked what I was doing.

ME
Watching a movie and drinking a beer.
FRIEND
What movie are you watching?
ME
Far and Away.
FRIEND
Is that the one with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman that’s
directed by Ron Howard?
ME
Yeah.
FRIEND
Is there a chick with you?
ME
No, why?
FRIEND
So, you’re telling me, you are sitting at home watching a chick flick
all by yourself and drinking a beer. That’s ridiculous.
ME
It’s not ridiculous and it’s not a chick flick. It’s an historical Irish epic
about the Oklahoma land rush starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman
that’s directed by Ron Howard.
FRIEND
It’s a chick flick.
ME
It’s a swashbuckling romance.
FRIEND
Does drinking a beer make you feel manlier while watching chick
flicks?
ME
No, I like beer. It’s refreshing.

And, then it struck me. While “Far and Away” isn’t the ultimate chick flick it does have many elements that would classify is it as such. It is a timeless love story about two people from different classes who overcome the odds to fulfill their dreams of love and happiness. Did my subconscious recognize this? Why was I drinking a beer? Did it make me feel manlier? Why was I wearing a pink rob and socks? Where the hell did I get a pink robe? Wait, this robe’s not pink, it’s forest green. Thank God! Why am I questioning my masculinity? Who cares! I like chick flicks and I like beer. The two actually go together quite harmoniously.

And, then it struck me, again. Why not create a blog in which I review and muse over chick flicks while drinking a beer. You can do it yourself…the rules are simple…the movie must be a chick flick…and you’re allowed no more than two beers. How does one determine what is or isn’t a chick flick? That’s easy. If you even have the slightest thought or question about a movie being a chick flick then I probably is.

If you need more help determining what is or isn’t a chick flick, dictionary.com defines chick flick as follows;

Main Entry:
chick flick
Part of Speech:
n
Definition:
a movie intended for and marketed to females, with themes, characters, or events more likely to appeal to women than men; also called chick’s
flick
Usage:
slang

You can also start with “Far and Away” starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. It’s directed Ron Howard. Real Men Wear Pink!