The Switch (2010)

Directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck
Starring Jason Bateman, Jennifer Aniston, with Jeff Goldblum and Juliette Lewis

Yo People! What's up People! What's up...People? people? People are you there? The truth is I really don't care if you are there or not. I don't care if you're reading, and I don't care you're watching. I don't care if you're drinking, and I don't care if you're forcing your boyfriend to watch horrible stereotypical movies that Hollywood tells you that you like even though they are sappy, and really insulting to women as a whole. People! People! I don't even care if you noticed I posted the Spanish poster for "The Switch".

Ok, I'm lying! I do care! I love you all so much! I know you like me! You really, really love me! Right now! You LIKE me!



So, maybe you should go watch, "The Switch". Maybe, just maybe. And, maybe you will laugh and maybe you will cry. But then again. Maybe you won't. Maybe you'll fall asleep and your Morretti will spill down your chest and down on to the floor. Then a little Yorkie will run over and lick it up and you'll think "Am I ruining this cute lil' dog's future?" I can't live with this sort of responsibility!

The concept of "The Switch" is simple. Originally, called "The Baster", and based on a short story of the same title, it's about Kassie (Jennifer Aniston) and her best friend, Wally (Jason Bateman). She is getting older and wants a baby even though she is unmarried. She turns to a baster, but Wally, her bff, fills it up with his own sperm and viola, its cinematic magic!

This movie was actually pretty funny in parts. Granted, our girl Aniston has played practically the same part in a dozen or so reviews on here, but it still is entertaining and I found myself laughing in more than a few parts. Is it predictable? Yes. But, no one said watching these movie would lead to originality. If I wanted experimental German art-house cinema I'm pretty sure I won't find it in a rom-com;



I read in a Men's Health Magazine (you know, the one's that always say "Lose Your Gut"...on every cover!) that a beer that is stout is better for you than say, Miller Lite. So, I chose a delectable Moretti la Rossa. It was very good! Question: How many beers have I not liked on here?

But, a bigger question remains...Should you watch the switch? Answer: Jeff Goldblum!!!!



Well, if that didn't do it for you then go ahead and check out the trailer;



No, I didn't for get about the amazing Patrick Wilson...and does every chick flick have you use the line, "She's put you in the friend zone!"

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 7 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Watch if you liked...ummm, Aniston, or Bateman, or Goldblum, or Basters.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

The Bounty Hunter (2010)

Directed by Andy Tennant
Starring Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler

I saw this in the theater and I was alone. So, I sort of followed my own rules. The only problem is the theater didn't sell beer so I had to go with a Coke Zero...or Coke Z...or Z...as I call it. I love Coke Zero (yes, I am going to give it 5 stars). I think there was a total of 6 people in the theater including myself.

So, this is actually the first chick flick I have gone to see in the theater. And, I realized while watching it that actually paying and going to see this movie in theater puts it into a whole new category for judgement. You have to understand that the last movies I have seen in the theater were all great, great experiences (The Ghost Writer, Shutter Island, Sherlock Holmes)...Immediately, I was bored with this one. Cliche writing and characters...stupid locations...unrealistic situations...cheesy lines...all stuff in all the chick flicks I've seen before...and probably rated it lightly and gave it at least 3 stars. The only difference is that seeing it on the big screen just makes the missteps of the movie all the more noticable and hard to ignore.

The concept is simple. Gerard is a bounty hunter. Jennifer is a reporter. She skips court to follow a lead for a story and blah blah blah, Gerard has to bring her in. What's the catch. They are ex-husband and ex-wife. Whoo hoo...let's party.

This movie was bad...I'm actually bored writing this and having nothing else to say. Although, the Coke Z was delicious...but I already knew that.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 4 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Bounty hunting is pretty manly right?

Watched if you liked...Jennifer Aniston doing her thing...although she has done it better before.

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)-
DVD: 0 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- saw it in the theater
Coke Zero: 5 manly high fives (out of 5) - best diet drink around

Love Happens (2009)

Directed by Brandon Camp
Starring Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston with Dan Fogler, John Carroll Lynch, Martin Sheen and Judy Greer

I really wanted this movie to be really bad so I could play with the wording of the title a little bit. You know...instead of "Love Happens" I say "Sh!t Happens". Wouldn't that be a lot of fun. I think it would. I also think it's clever and original to use the term "Sh!t Happens" because well, sometimes it does happen. That's what I think and I'm sticking to it. Problem is, the movie wasn't sooo bad that I can slam it and say that the title should have been "Sh!t Happens". But, I will ask...Where in this movie does love happen? Specifically, between the two leads.

Aaron Eckhart plays Burke Ryan, a motivational speaker whose most recent best-selling book helps people deal with the loss of a loved one. Burke himself is a widower and he bases much in his book in dealing with his death of his wife. He travels to her hometown (Seattle)for a seminar and meets a flower shop owner named Eloise, played by Jennifer Aniston. They're intro is rocky but they soon hit it off and are spending time together. The catch is that Burke is hiding a lot of frustration and guilt (you know...feelings) concerning his wife's passing.

FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN IT READ THIS: If you haven't seen the film then watch it and continue down to the next paragraph.

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SEEN IT READ THIS: Am I wrong here or would Burke's action throw him right into the "friend zone"? After their second interaction in which he goes of on her and gives her the finger, he turns all mushy and complicated, and doesn't make any moves other than staring at her ackwardly. Is that considered a move nowadays? He does seem like he needs her help but he also is very guarded. Granted Eloise seems like the type of girl who is into guy's that need fixing. But, why would she like him so quickly? He has like 50 oppurtunities to kiss her and then doesn't...I know, I know...they shouldn't really kiss until the end...classic chick flick rule...introduce the characters, split them apart, kiss at the end, roll credits. It just seemed to me that they seemed like better friends. What do you think?

FOR ANYONE: This movie wasn't that bad. It was really more of a movie about Burke than it was Eloise, or them together. In fact, it was sort of a serious subject matter with a rom com thrown into the middle. This made the tone of the film a little shifty. But, the serious scenes were played well. Maybe my problem was the chemistry between Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Anniston. This is the same type of part Anniston has been playing all-the-time recently and it seemed like she really phoned it in.

I had a really good beer for this screening. It was a beer from the great state of Michigan called Bell's Two Hearted Ale. It was a very hoppy, very full flavored beer and it was delicious. I definitely recommend it.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 6 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)- main character is really a male.

Watched if you liked...any chick flick with Jennifer Aniston.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 3 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)-for a wierd special feature that showcases how almost every scene was CGI.
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

He's Just Not That Into You (2009) PART 3

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck,Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Scarlett Johansson, Kevin Connolly, and Jennifer Connolly

Ok, so here is PART 3. Things got a little out of control here. Be extra forewarned...there is great discussion on the female anatomy. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm serious don't say it...because I did. Once again, included in the discussion are;

Me (Single)
Chris (Married with a newborn baby)
Brian P (Married with kid)
Giff aka SMG (Sober Guy that's Married with kids)
The Roose (Engaged)
Holly (Single)
Alyssa (Married)
Sarah (Married with twins)
Tyler (Single)

Warning: Contains some adult language and possible spoiler alerts...so readers beware.

JOSHUA: What do you think about the guy "mythology" mostly spewed by Justin Long in the film (i.e. He won't call you if he's not interested, etc)? Is it true that gay guys look at each other for over 3 seconds if they're interested? I think it is.

THE ROOSE: The "mythology" has some merit, the problem is that Justin Long is the person giving the speech. I don't buy him as the slick lothario, never did. Also, not calling back is not “guy” exclusive.

CHRIS: I agree with Roose. I had a hard time buying into Justin Long feeding us the hidden secrets of the "Bro Code" like he's a cool hip Gandalf explaining the secrets of the ring to Frodo. I think I laughed aloud in the scene where his hostess was trying to set up a date and he was acting all nonchalant that they hooked up. Are you kidding me? A guy like Justin Long in real life (meaning he's not an actor) would be grateful for a hostess hookup. In fact, he was the worst cast character in this movie...well maybe Drew Barrymore was. When will people get over this calling thing, why the hell is it such a big deal? Obviously, the guy will call if he likes you, if he doesn't call he doesn't like you. How damn simple can it be, there are no excuses, it is so black and white, there are no hidden secrets. Do girls really try and make up crazy excuses why he DIDN'T call. When I was in single and lucky enough to actually get a number there was no way in hell I wasn't calling. That's my other gripe...guys in this movie getting numbers and then not calling. Why would you ask a girl you don't like for a number? Do guys really do this? I know I didn't...it seems like a waste of time for me. If I didn't like a girl I was talking to I usually just made fun of her without her realizing it (because she was a moron) and me and my friends laughed at her until she got mad and then hooked up with Willie or Ben Ray. I guess some guys collect numbers just so they can brag...yeah I got 13 numbers last night...douche. So maybe since I wasn't a "playa" and an expert in "spitting game" my numbers were always quality numbers and I always called. Now the girl calling back....that's another situation all together because as someone mentioned the calling thing goes both ways.

SARAH: I also think the “guy mythology” has some merit but shouldn't be taken overboard. I was literally hiding my face with embarrassment for Gigi's character; some girls NEED to hear it because they are completely accepting of the excuses they have generated in their heads. But some guys like the Kevin Connoly “vaginitis” character need some girl mythology too...God help him. He was her door mat and had no clue. Tooooool.

Gay guy look - I really don't know but I think it has some merit just from what I have heard/seen. Josh, you left out having a gay representative on the round table discussion.

JOSHUA: Maybe I did leave out a gay perspective… (Dr. Evil pinky in the mouth)… but, then again, maybe I didn’t.

TYLER: Two things…One, a door mat doesn't know it’s a door mat until someone wipes shit on it (sorry).And B, did anyone pay attention to this movie?There is an often mention history between Connor (Kevin Connolly) and Anna (Scarlett) that goes back far more than one night, so the once boned thing is out. He says that he slept with her more than a few times and if caring about someone who's company you enjoy, feel comfortable around, and truly want to be with makes you a vagina, then I guess I am what I eat...SUCK IT MONKEES!!

JOSHUA: Did Tyler secretly write this movie? Also, Is Scarlett (in general) over-rated? I'm going to call her the female Seth Rogen. She is too many places at once. Although, she is rather attractive.

ALYSSA: Yes, ScarJo is overrated. I don't think she's gorgeous and i think she is incapable of playing different parts. She has zero depth! I felt like she is the same character in every movie she's in. But, she did score herself Ryan Reynolds...I guess that counts for something.

JOSHUA: ScarJo? Did you make that up?

ALYSSA: No...I'm not that good.

THE ROOSE: Yes, she's been overrated for a while, now at least she's taking roles where she can act like who she really is...A big-breasted moron. Sorry, but she doesn't do it for me anymore, has no class either. Give me Zooey Deschanel any day.

GIFF: i love me some Scar Jo! Bring it!

SARAH: Wait, back to Tyler. How do you not see his character as a vagina or door mat? A chick is talking to you on the phone, says she will call back; doesn't and you call her back the same night? She comes over one night gets a foot rub and leaves with no hooking up or any excuse of being sick or tired - the relationship is working in reverse at that point. If a girl hooked up with a guy a few times and continued to pursue the relationship she is labeled as 'obsessive' or 'desperate'; if a guy does it he should suffer the label of vagina. I thought of door mat because ScarJo used him for foot rubs and self assurance that she would always have him as a rebound but thats just me.

TYLER: I think we are guilty of looking over what we call the "4th wall" and that is seeing what the characters aren't. If we as the audience were unaware of what Anna was doing behind Connor's back, perhaps we would side with him more, almost worried that she was ok. It’s very difficult to turn off the like switch even in the worst of situations (we all know people who cheated or got cheated on that stayed together). But when you like someone, are unsure or unaware of their feelings (especially when given mixed signals) it almost makes you like them more (goes back to inherent narcissism we all have). Let me pose this scenario: Say we see Anna ending the call with Connor in the store and then her checking out at the register and talking to Ben, that’s it. Cut to Connor and his roomate talking about the call and Connor decides to say screw her you’re right. Next we see her calling him the next day, night, etc and he just doesn’t answer. Does that make him not a vagina? Cause guess what, since we didn’t see anything more with Anna, turns out that Ben raped her and took her thousandth customer prize and left her for dead...which now makes Connor a dick. Perspective is everything and just because we could see what we couldn't doesn't make him a vagina.

CHRIS: I think I am officially tired of hearing the word "vagina." It used to be taboo, but after birthing classes, talking to doctors, and this discussion it has lost its effect.

TYLER: Wizard’s sleeve.

CHRIS: Is that slang for "vagina?" I'm not in college anymore, so someone might need to explain this to me.

JOSHUA: I think it was in the title for a Harry Potter book, “Harry Potter and the Wizard’s Sleeve”.

TYLER: “Borat” uses this vernacular.

GIFF: I was always a fan of "the box".

THE ROOSE: "The box" is good. I like "cooz" and "gash”. I heard it watching “Vision Quest” with Matthew Modine.

CHRIS: I've been married for too long. I'm not allowed to use those words.

SARAH: My husband’s terms got blacklisted as well - hatchet wound, furburger, twat...

JOSHUA: Furburger is my Dad's favorite term...although, I like the term va-jay-jay...

ALYSSA: My husband calls it a split face whisker biscuit. Classy :)

SARAH: Husbands rock.

GIFF: Hahah....all of those are great....come on Chris...be a man....stand up for your vocabulary. P.S. Don't tell my wife about this post!

BRIAN: Hairpie?

CHRIS: Haha, we are so off topic.

JOSHUA: Well, what did youthink of the movie? Did you not think the movie was funny? I laughed my ass off. What isn't funny about an obsessive "needy" girl, a douchebag husband, a controlling OCD wife, Justin Long as a playboy, a maniacal Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston getting dumped, Ben Affleck with overly white teeth on a boat, etc?

CHRIS: As far as this movie being funny...not really for me. I agree the confessionals were idiotic, the African American chicks had potential but still unfunny. The characters were so poorly developed that I had no feeling but contempt for most of them. I give this movie 2 out of 5, because I have seen worse, but my wife was actually able to sit through the whole thing...so we spent some quality time together. I also got a little pregnant loving from my wife afterwards because she felt I was a much better husband than Bradley Cooper's character, although I fear she was probably envisioning me as Bradley Cooper. Oh well...

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Final Analysis: Overall, I don't think everyone that participated liked the movie that much or thought i was that funny. I'm going to rate it below on what I personally thought of the movie.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 5 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)*

*It was a sweaty, ice cold Bud.