New In Town (2009)

Starring Renee Zelwegger and Harry Connick Jr.
Directed by Jonas Elmer

I went to the grocery store in search of the perfect beer to drink while watching “New In Town”. I wasn’t completely sure what exactly that beer was. From reading some of the synopsis of the film I knew that it took place in Minnesota so I scrolled the beer selection for something possibly brewed in Minnesota. No luck. Maybe I’m an idiot. Maybe some mainstream beer like Pabst comes out of Minnesota and I didn’t know this. Although, I do know that I like Pabst, especially when it is iced down in a trash can and sold for $3.00 at happy hour. The $3.00 Pabst is the most delicious. Especially when everyone else is drinking appletinis and $6.00 Smithwicks. No Pabst, though. I needed something in spirit of the movie, something that would reflect what I hoped to see in the film, something with that Zelwegger quirk or that Harry Connick, Jr. charm. Nothing was catching my eye and this grocery store had a huge selection. And, then he caught my eye.

He was starring at me from a distance with penetrating eyes and a crooked smile. He was challenging me to buy him and daring me to take one sip of his brewed evil. It was the devil himself, horns and all, branded right across the label. And, he was talking sh!t. He looked deep into my eyes and said, “You’re not worthy”. Excuse me? I’m not worthy? Who the f@ck do you think your talking to? I’m the most worthy beer drinker there is! Hell, there was a period when I could throw back a case of beer or more in day. I’ve tried it all. And, if they’ve brewed it then pretty much I’ve tasted it or had it poured on me in college when I was passed out. You dirty devil…you arrogant bastard…he winked at me…from the beer label…appropriately called Arrogant Bastard Ale. So I grabbed the beer… and turned to discover a rather large hippie/ stoner looking at me from a few feet down the aisle. I wonder how long he had been watching. Was he a hippie/ stoner or was he just a stoner? Why was he watching me? Wait? Is he watching me or am I watching him? Maybe he wasn’t staring at me. Maybe I just thought he was and then he saw me look at him and now were staring at each other. Sh!t. Just give him the “guy code head nod” and roll out. Head nodded and….the stoner/ hippie nodded back. Sweet. Ok, I’m out. I quickly purchased the beer and headed home ready to see if Renee and Harry do their thing.

“New In Town” is about an independent career minded women named Lucy who is sent by her company to oversee a factory in Minnesota. It’s your basic “fish outta water story” and there are plenty of funny moments to go around. What I noticed most about the beginning of the film is Lucy shoes. And, let me tell you…this woman really does know how to pick out a pair of heels. Even I was impressed. Nice legs, Renee (she must do pilates). Anyways, Lucy mingles with the town’s residents (their scenes are the ones that make this film watchable to me, especially, the character of Blanche) and crosses with Ted, played by Harry Connick Jr. Of course, they don’t get along and hijinks ensue. Let me warn you. This is not the Harry Connick Jr. from “Hope Floats”. I was hoping to find that Harry Connick Jr. and I was left in the cold; The Minnesota cold with brownish ale, and the arrogant bastard eerily mocking me. It’s not that his acting his bad its just I don’t believe Renee’s character would ever fall for him (Ladies, tell me if I’m wrong). And, I’m not saying she does fall in love with him. I wouldn’t want to ruin the movie for anyone.

Now, back to the beer….I didn’t really like it. It wasn’t really my cup of tea. It had a very bitter taste to me. It wasn’t a bad beer I could tell that. It just wasn’t my steez. It’s not like I could complain because the label actually says;

Questions or comments? If you don’t like this beer then keep it to yourself—we don’t want to hear from any sniveling yellow-beer drinkin’ wimps, ‘cause this beer wasn’t made for you.

I know I’m talking a lot about the beer. This should tell you something about the movie. I liked it better than the beer but it still is just your average cookie cutter “chick flick”. Nothing too special here. I could also go on about how “aged” Renee looks in some of her close-ups but I won’t do that here. It wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me. Let me just say she is not “new” to town. And, while I am it. Renee! What are you doing? You were so good in “Jerry Maguire” and “Cold Mountain”. At one time I really thought that you “completed me”. Didn’t I stalk you? Now, you’re doing some straight to DVD(?) no better than average chick flick? I mean come on. You could have been the next Meryl Streep instead of the next what’s her name? Actually, what is her name? I can’t remember.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 2 manly high fives (out of 5)