Bride Wars (2009)

Starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway   
Directed by by Gary Winick

by Joshua Simpkins

The tagline for this film is, “Even best friends can’t share the same wedding day.” Sounds titillating. Did somebody say cat fight? Grrrrr. I definitely wouldn’t kick Anne Hathaway off the air mattress and Kate Hudson is a M.I.L.F. (MILF I’d Like To Be Friends With). Didn’t she have a couple kids with that skinny bearded dude from The Black Crowes? I quickly grab a Mich Light and press play. Time to see if Princess Diaries can take on Kurt Russell’s stepdaughter. Sounds like a cage match for the ages.

The concept is simple. Two best friends dream of having their wedding at the Plaza Hotel in June. Somehow, they get booked on the same day which means they can’t be each other’s maid of honor and insanity ensues. It gets crazy. Poor Anne gets sprayed bright orange and looks like one of the midgets from Willy Wonka. And, Kate’s hair gets her hair dyed blue a week before her wedding day. OMG! Watch out girlfriend!

For some reason, I could see this being more hilarious if it was about two guys fighting over their wedding dates. It could called “Groomfighter: Fists of Groom” and star Hugh Grant and Colin Firth. They’re Metro-Sexual Americans living in NYC and…Guess what? (In Sing Song Voice) They both want the Plaaazaa! Can you see Hugh Grant’s face when he realizes his hair is turned blue? Laugh Riot all the way!

I couldn’t help but root for Anne in this one…I mean come on Kate, you got a nice ass, but why don’t you get the f-ck outta here. Anne seems sweet at first and Kate’s character always gets what she wants. Pause. Gotta get another Mich Light…mmmm…dee-lish.

Hit Play…They arguing again…Is this movie still on?

Honestly, I don’t care how adorable (to annoying) Anne Hathaway can be or how Milfy Kate Hudson is, this flick just got…borrrrrinnnnng. But, in the end…I won’t tell you the end but I bet you can figure it out. (In Sing Song Voice again) Insanity. This movie had a lot of potential and went nowhere fast.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND:  2 out of 10 (Skip it)

Beer Pairing Recommendation
Gotta go with a Mich Light on this one...or six

For more on this movie go to IMDB
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  1. Hi Josh, this is Kelly (Nate's girl)
    I wanted to comment on this because I totally agree with your review. A friend told me how good this movie was, so I went out and bought it since I am the biggest bride movie fan that has ever existed. TERRIBLE MOVIE!! Beginning was cute but the end was down right ridiculous. What a waste of $20

  2. Thanks, Kelly! Yeah, what a waste...and it had so much potential.

  3. my wife also saw this movie and was disappointed...if only she had taken your review seriously.