The Sweetest Thing (2002)

Starring Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Selma Blair, and Thomas Jane
Directed by Roger Kumble

Recommended by: Ashley

Ok, so I was always paranoid that I would come up with some great idea, tell the wrong person, and then have somebody steal it and make millions of dollars off of it. I did not, however, expect that someone would completely steal my life story and make a movie out of it without anyone even telling me. “The Sweetest Thing” is totally about me. In fact, 99% of its true and actually happened to me. The only difference is that in the film they changed the gender to female and then cast Cameron Diaz to play me. Here are some examples;

1. I totally grabbed some guys @ss at a club in San Francisco trying
to hook my friend up who had recently broke up with his boyfriend.

2. I totally stared into what is described, in the film, as a “glory hole” and had a penis stuck into my eye after which I proceeded to pour contact solution all over my face while b!tching about it to a friend who witnessed the whole thing go down.

3. I’ve totally been caught on a “piercing”. Although, not in the same way as portrayed in the movie. Well, I haven’t been caught but I have interacted with one.

4. I totally lived in San Fransciso, California. (Ok, I haven’t lived there but I’ve seen it on the map and I hear it’s a great place to visit. I’m totally planning a vacationthere as soon as I accumulate enough hours to take off of work.)

5. I totally perform dance movie montages in dressing rooms all the time.

I am hurt and outraged that Hollywood thinks it is “Ok” to steal someone’s identity, flip gender, and then cast Cameron Diaz to play them. They even changed the name from Joshua to Christine. That is totally not cool.

“The Sweetest Thing” is about three twenty-something females who live together in San Francisco. Christine is the player of the group. What we would call a “maneater” (listen to the song by “Hall and Oates”). She meets men and then chews them up. Or kisses them and runs away. There is also her best friend played to perfection by Christina Applegate. She is a successful lawyer and she is wild and rambunctious. I love her. No seriously. I…love…her. She completes me. I might drive to San Francisco right now and find her and have a litter of kittens. Only she’s not real. I just gotta keep telling myself that. She is not real. She’s only a character. Anywho, the third friend is Selma Blair. She falls in love easily and just broke up with her boyfriend. The movie starts with Cameron e and Applegate taking Selma to a club to get her a transitional man to ease her pain. Cameron grabs Peter’s ass, played by Thomas Jane, to try to get his attention so she can hook up Selma with….

SIDE STORY: I once saw Thomas Jane while waiting in line to get into a bar in Hollywood. He was slowly walking down the full length of the line very, very, very slowly while holding the hands of a little girl. I probably wouldn’t have noticed him except that he was looking deeply into the eyes of everyone he passed. He would stare at someone for a moment, pause, and then go on to the next person and start the cycle over again. No one recognized him until he got to me and then looked into my eyes. I very calmly nodded my head and said, “What’s up, man.” He gave me a scowl as if to say, “How dare you say what’s up to me in front of this little girl.” And then he moved on, passing the transgender musician near the front of the line. He crossed the street and disappeared. The guy in front of me said, “Was that f@cking Thomas Jane?”, to which his buddy replied, “Who?”. True Story.

Back to “The Sweetest Thing”.....

…and that is what really got me thinking in the movie. I mean could this really happen? How do they know how to make up geese sculptures out of foil. These are the sort of things I think about on a daily basis.

This isn’t really the type of film to really, truly, write up a review for because it doesn’t take itself that seriously. It also has some great scenes with the always good Jason Bateman. I didn’t hate and I probably could sit through it again. My beer of choice was a no-name brand called “Simpler Times Lager” that was an average lager. The DVD has some interesting “making of” featurettes.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 3 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 3 manly high fives (out of 5)