Past Pilar Barks's Questions

Week of May 18, 2014

Dear Pilar,

My wife is really into action flicks but I don't really like them.  I do enjoy an occasional chick flick but ironically my wife won't go near them.  How can I convince her to watch more chick flicks?

James, Iowa City, Iowa

Dearest James,

Is this a joke?  Occasionally, I get the odd question or two that I know is attempting to set me up for failure.  It is an obvious attempt to bait me.  This is one of those questions.  I might be a yorkie, James, but I don't bite.  What do you want me to say?  You want me to tell you to be more of a man?  I won't do it.  You want me to ask who wears the pants in the family?  What an easy set up.  You want me to say that when your wife leaves I think you dress up in her clothes and dance around the house?  I wouldn't dare.  But, I will say if she likes action flicks then leave her alone.  I love action flicks.  I don't know who wears the pants in the family but it's probably her.  And, if its not, it should be.  You can't get your wife to watch a chick flick?  Sounds like you can't tie your own shoes, or make your own breakfast in the morning.  Well, I take that back.  I can't make my own breakfast in the morning, either, but I'm dog.  It's time for you to stand up James, kick down the door, and put in a chick flick and exclaim, "I'm a man, and I like chick flicks," and then press play.  Even if she won't watch it, at least, she'll respect you a little bit more.  Although, I wouldn't.  You sound like a wimp.

Yorkie has spoken,


Week of May 11, 2014

Dear Pilar,

In honor of Mother's Day I was looking for a chick flick to watch with my Mom but I couldn't find one we both could enjoy.  Any ideas what else we might do together?

Stephen, Newark, NJ

Dear Stephen,

Hey, I've have an idea.  How about I write to a dog and ask what I should do with my Mom on Mother's Day.  Dear magical dog, please tell me what I should do, oh magical one.  Please!  I'm guessing you're not very smart, Stephen, or should I call you Stevie B, or whatever douchbag nickname you go by when you hang out at the mall on a Saturday night.  There's an idea.  Why don't you go and introduce her to the girl that works at Cold Stone Creamery.  You know, the one that always rejects your advances.  I'm sure she would want to meet your Mother.  Maybe, they could make a sitcom out of your love story.  I'll be sure not to watch.  In the meantime, it's not about what chick flick you and your Mom would both enjoy.  It's about what chick flick your Mom would enjoy.  Period.  End of story.  I guess I can't fault you too much.  At least, you are trying to hang out with your Mother.  Pilar the Magical Yorkie has spoken.  The End.


Week of September 9, 2012

Dear Pilar,

Why does Chick Flicks and Beer give decent reviews to some of the crappiest, sappiest movies?

Derrick, Reston, VA

Dear Derrick,

Why are you asking me this question? I don't write the reviews. That would be a question for Joshua. But, even though you are too stupid to direct the question to the right person, I feel your pain. Sometimes I feel as if Joshua is giving too much slack to some of these sub-par movies. When I approached and questioned him, his response was that these films aren't supposed to be that good, so he rates them accordingly. If they have the slightest bit of enjoyability he gives them a favorable review. Or, if he feels like a boyfriend, manfriend, partner, or husband can sit through it, then he gives it a favorable review. Honestly, as I have said before, I hate chick flicks. They really get under my fur. He should be ripping these things to shreds like a a toilet paper roll left out on the bathroom floor. Apparently, he believes in keeping an open mind about these flicks. What a douche!


Week of August 23, 2012

Dear Pilar,

If I watch chick flicks should my wife watch action flicks with me?

Stephen, Aspen, CO

Dear Stephen,

It depends on what you mean by "action" flick. If you mean a killer movie starring Bruce Willis running around yelling "yippeekayay" then why wouldn't she want to watch it? Who wouldn't? That's what has me questioning your definition of "action" flicks? I think your real question is, "Should I get laid after watching a chick flick?" Is watching a chick flick and getting in touch with your sensitive side really that difficult? So much so, that you feel like you should get laid? It's not like your were out digging ditches all day to save her and your children's life. My answer is No!



Week of August 16, 2012

Dear Pilar

What is your favorite chick flick from the collection?

Holly, Santa Rosa Beach, FL

Dear Holly,

First off, let me say that I am glad a chick finally asked me a question about chick flicks. It is a breath of fresh hair, I mean, air. Second, why would you ask such a question? Everyone knows not to ask people what their favorite movie is of any kind, especially yorkies. You know, I almost answered because you were another female. But, from one girl to another, don't ever ask me, or another yorkie, that question again.  Personally, I don't really like chick flicks.  But, if I had to pick one let's say...Marley and Me...or...Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  Girl Power!


Week of August 8, 2012 

Dear Pilar,

What's the difference between Chick Lit and a Chick Flick?

Rusty, Monroe, LA

Dear Rusty,

Hmm, that's a difficult one.  Let me think.  Oh, wait.  I don't have to think because you just answered your own question.  And, that is, "You're an idiot."  What's the difference between being dumb and being not smart.  The answer is, Rusty.  Lit means literature.  It doesn't mean driving out to a cow farm and getting "lit" with your buddies.  I know you got all excited thinking that chicks enjoy getting "lit" and that maybe you could get lucky.  Well, I hate to be the one to break the news to you, Rusty, because you weren't born very lucky.  You have a very low IQ.


Week of August 1, 2012

Dear Pilar,

How should I get my wife to watch the new Batman?

Steve, Iowa City, IA

Dearest Steve,

I don't know?  How did you get her to go out with you to begin with?  You must be fairly attractive because it sounds to me like you're not very smart.  Is this the biggest problem in your life?  Trying to get your wife to see the new Batman?  Everyone wants to see that movie, so if she doesn't want to see it something else must be going on.  I think she's cheating on you.  Just kidding.  But, seriously, help out around the house a little more.  Is it too much to ask for someone to take the trash once in a while?  Help out and maybe she'll offer to go.

Get a life,

Week of 7/21/2012

Dear Pilar,

Are chick flicks manly?

 Chris, Santa Ana, CA 

Dear Chris, Are Chick Flicks manly? Are you serious? No, they aren't manly, they're called chick flicks? Your question should really be, "Are you intelligent?" The answer to that is also, no, because if you were you would know chick flick are made for chicks, aka females. Wake up and smell the coffee! I'm sick of stupid individuals asking stupid questions. But, then again, I guess that is my job. If it is,

You're stupid,


Week of 7/15/2012

Dear Pilar,

Should I watch Magic Mike?

Dustin, Kansas City, MO

Dear Dustin,
I don't know.  Should you?  Sounds a little personal to me.  Do you like man-abs and banana slings?  Personally, I don't mind a taste of a good banana every now and then.  They're delicious.  However, I can't stand banana slings, thongs, or whatever you want to call them.  They're disgusting!  In fact, you're disgusting!  Get a grip on yourself, quit questioning your sexuality, and man up!  I heard it's a great flick.  Especially, for those that are confident enough to go see it.  I guess, the real question is, "Are you man enough to see it?".  I don't think you are, Dustin.  Looks like Fast and Furious:  Tokyo Drift might be more your speed.

Never yours,


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