How Do You Know (2010)

Directed by James L. Brooks
Starring Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson, and Jack Nicholson

I guess the big question with this romcom chick flick is, "How Do You Know?" How do you know you should rent it? How do you know should watch it? How do you know you should stream it? How do you know you should even read this review? Well, I watched this movie and I DO KNOW.

Now, I could be mysterious. I could linger on what I actually know and what I don't know. I could save the best part for last. Like any great mystery I could wait until the final moments of this review and pull one last reveal, What I actually know. Or, I could tell you now....

But, wait! I won't do that. Because isn't the formula of every great chick flick this...guy and girl meet...they can't get together...they get together, kiss, and live happily ever after....roll credits. That IS the formula. I've seen enough to know. I've even studied it a little bit. So, why would I tell you what I actually know (i.e. kiss, and live happily ever after) and let the credits roll? But, wait again...

THE WHOLE REASON WE WATCH CHICK FLICKS IS BECAUSE WE KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO GET TOGETHER...WE ALREADY KNOW THE ENDING!

...which would mean...that I should just go ahead and tell you what I know. But, let me digress for a moment...

"How Do You Know" is about about a Team USA softball player named Lisa (Reese Witherspoon) whose life spins out-of-control when she is unexpectedly cut from the team. She gets together with Matty (Owen Wilson), a not-to intelligent, womanizing, professional baseball player.

Wait a minute...

"How Do You Know" is about corporate everyman George (Paul Rudd) whose life is in crisis as he is in the middle of a federal investigation. He works the hotheaded Charles (Jack Nicholson), who also happens to be his father.

And, somewhere in the middle Lisa and George meet because they all live in DC.

NOW, let me digress...

I was living in DC when they shot this movie. My co-worker, Paul, and his wife, Abby, actually sat next to Owen Wilson while he was dining at the Four Seasons. Name-dropping is fun.

Let me digress some more....

I was bored with my job and so I actually applied to work on, "How Do You Know". Only thing is I didn't know how to get in touch with anyone. So, like this review the mystery began and after hours of investigation I found a contact to send my resume. It was a lonely email address. I sent this off and dreamily imagined running to get coffee for the great James L. Brooks (Terms of Endearment, Broadcast News, As Good As It Gets), and 24 hours later I received this automated reply;

Thank you for contacting us at How Do You Know Inc. As you can imagine, we receive a great deal of emails and cannot personally respond to every one. Please be assured that we have received your resume and it will be delivered to the proper department.

Thanks,
Production

Was it automated? How Do I Know? (I must say though after years of dragging myself around the gutter of the film industry, any reply, good or bad, is golden.)

So, finally, you ask....WAS THE MOVIE ANY GOOD?

First, let me talk about the beer. A cool, and refreshing Corona Light. No, it was not anything special. It's Corona Light (see picture). And, of course it had nothing to do with the movie. Other than the fact that I DID KNOW what it tasted like.

Hmm....hmmmmmmm....(sorry had to clear my throat).....

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS MOVIE? Well, I'll tell you...

DON'T! IT SUCKED! It should have been called, "Who gives a @#$%!". Really, it was that boring and that bad. Which is really a shame. I love James L. Brooks. I love Owen Wilson. I love when they have worked together in the past (see Bottle Rocket). I like Reese Witherspoon. Paul Rudd is great. And, Jack Nicholson is, well, Jack Nicholson.

So, what happened? HOW SHOULD I KNOW? (roll credits)




FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Both of you can skip this all together.

Watch if you liked...two stories that are stuck together and don't really make sense.

Chick Flick: 1 carton of ice cream (out of 5)
Beer: 1 manly high fives (out of 5)- It's Corona Light (see picture).

Terms of Endearment (1983)

Starring Shirley MacLaine, Debra Winger, and Jack Nicholson
Directed by James L. Brooks

by Joshua Simpkins

In honor of Mother’s Day I chose to watch (due to a recommendation) the 1983 film “Terms of Endearment”. It turned about to be especially appropriate because it is a film about mothers (and a drunk Jack Nicholson, not like that has anything to do with mothers, unless your mother is a drunk and likes Jack Nicholson. Mine hates him and she doesn’t drink). Also, in honor of the maternal day I also decided to drink red wine instead of beer. The wine of choice was a 2008 [yellow tail] Shiraz- Cabernet finely aged (because I cook with it and its been corked for a while, and by cook with it I mean mix it into Prego marinara sauce and throw it in the microwave) and economically easy on the wallet with the friendly price of $5.87. I had to drink it out of juice glasses because I do not actually own any wine glasses.

I know you must be asking yourself why, “Terms of Endearment”? Why not, something like say, “Monster In Law”, or something with Meryl Streep? I ask myself the same questions? Why not something with Meryl Streep? Perhaps “Sophie’s Choice” would be an excellent Mother’s Day pick. Why does J-Lo have such a bubbly ass? These are questions that need answers.

The idea to watch TOE came about during a dinner discussion. I claimed that “Marley and Me” was one of the saddest films I had ever seen. What can I say? Dogs strike a nerve. The counter argument was that nothing is sadder than “Terms of Endearment” when Debra Winger’s character tells her son on her cancerous deathbed, “I forgive you”. I thought there is no way that compares to “Marley and Me” when Owen Wilson bends down to Marley in the Veterinarian’s office and whispers to him; “You know when I told you that you were a bad dog? I was wrong. You’re not a bad dog. You’re the best dog.” Heartbreaking. How can anything be sadder than that?

Well, “Terms of Endearment” is pretty sad. Especially, when you’ve had three full juice glasses of stale red wine. And, the fact that it’s Mother’s Day doesn’t help either. Good Lord. Is it a good film? No, it’s a great film. If you haven’t seen it then you should. And, let me warn you. You are going to cry. It is f-cking sad. I won’t ruin it for you and tell you what it’s all about. It’s about mothers and daughters, and mothers and sons, and drunk astronauts played by Jack Nicholson. It’s funny and its sad as hell, sad sad and good sad. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and then the movie will end and you’ll pass out on your air mattress from the stale red wine at 1 o’clock in the afternoon only to wake up confused 3 hours later.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND:  7 out of 10 (Great movie!)

Beer Pairing Recommendation

I actually skipped the beer and in honor of Mother's Day

went with a stale 2008 Yellow Tail Shiraz- Cabernet