Chick Flicks & Beer: Cheeseburgers

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A Walk To Remember (2002)

Starring Mandy Moore and Shane West
Directed by Adam Shankman

Recommended by: Allison

I just finished watching “A Walk To Remember” about two minutes ago. And, I’ve got to say…Nicholas Sparks…What is your deal? I mean, come on, bro! Does someone have to die in every single one of your stories? I’ve been watching movies based on your books since before I even knew who you were and that there were movies based on your books and looking back I realize everyone single one has a death in the end. I think the first one I saw was “Message In A Bottle” starring Kevin Costner and Robin Wright Penn (Jen-nay). That one really got me. I didn’t know what the hell it was. I thought I was watching some movie about a hard, loner boat builder and all of a sudden this chick shows up…it gets all lovey dovey…life is great…and then (SPOILER ALERT)…a storm randomly hits at sea and Costner dies…and I’m fighting back tears. I didn't know who to blame so I just blamed the cable company. Screw you HBO! Then a few years later comes “The Notebook” well don’t get me started…I will say that at least that death seems reasonable…well, at least they are really old.

According the DVD cover, Mark S. Allen (UPN) says that, “Mandy Moore is Awesome."

The movie’s opening was great with one of my favorite songs from the early nineties, a buzz-clip, called Cannonball by The Breeders. It even played the whole song. I didn’t even let the douche crew on screen ruin the song for me. What’s with all the high fives and chest bumps? Who the hell is this wannabe Abercrombie model, circa 1999? Is that Mandy Moore? No, it isn’t. Who the hell is that chick? Where’s Mandy Moore? Did I hear Mandy Moore married Ryan Adams? That sandwich from lunch didn’t sit well. Or was it a burrito? I can’t remember. Why did I agree to watch this? All these guys look alike to me. That dude’s car looks pretty cool. Why do they keep yelling? I wonder if I have any Tums. I’m too young to own Tums. Should I pause it and go to the bathroom? What the hell is the douche crew talking about? Maybe I should go to the bath….Ohhhhhh! Some kid did a face plant. Oh shit, he looks paralyzed. What did these douchebags make him do? Cops! Action! Nicholas Sparks? Bathroom!

Finally, Mandy Moore enters the film and she looks pretty nerdy. Kinda got a church thing going on but, I dig it. I’m not even into Mandy Moore. Why was my interest in this film hinging on her involvement? Was it the "awesome" comment by Mark S. Allen (UPN)? Why am I asking so many questions? What happened to the kid that did a faceplant? Mandy Moore is singing. She looks young as hell in this. Peter Coyote is playing a preacher? Now, I’ve seen everything. Wait, no I haven’t. What the hell is the Abercrombie, circa 1999, doing? I’m not talking about the lead guy. I’m talking about the guy who keeps waving his arms around when he talks. The guy that gets hit in the face in the cafeteria after they make the “Virgin Mary” Mandy Moore flyers. What a chode! Hejust got hit in the face by the Main Guy and now he is calling him a chicken. How does that make sense? Watch the movie again (if you've seen it and look how he carries his backpack, it's worth it). I really can’t get over the Main Guy’s friends in this. They suck and the people playing them can’t act for sh1t. Think I’ll pour me a nice tall pint of Harp. Dee-lish.

The love story isn’t that bad. I’m feeling it. Seemed a little rushed at first, but they’re teenagers (Hell, I once drove from Florida to Pennsylvania for a girl I met on a cruise). I can buy this. This movie isn’t all that bad…wait…I forgot something. It’s Nicholas Sparks. Ok, whose gonna die? Well, its been on a while. No one seems to die yet. It might be safe to get slightly involved in the relationship between the characters…Nope….leukemia. Damn you, Nicholas Sparks! What are you trying to do to me? Mandy Moore doesn’t want a reason to blame God…Ok, Mandy, you don’t need one….just blame Nicholas Sparks…because he created you and then he gave you leukemia….that sucks. It is kinda sweet though that you and the Main Dude are getting married and fulfilling your #1 goal on your list. You go girl! Good job Buddy!

You know what? I agree with Mark S. Allen (UPN). Mandy Moore you are awesome.

Even though (SPOILER) she dies in the end I have to give it to Nicholas Sparks. This movie does have a pretty good message overall. I also like the fact that they didn’t make the church girl stuff seem slightly realistic and not too hokey. I also like that they didn’t cheapen the whole movie with sex.

Overall, a pretty good story. I will say that the leukemia and hospital sutff made me want to pour out my beer. Technically the movie needs a little work. But, not a bad story. The only problem is that it’s called “A Walk To Remember” and I don’t actually remember a walk or even that much walking…so, it loses a couple of “cool points”....when was the walk? When he brings two blankets and they look at the stars? If there was a walk it wasn’t that memorable.

Chick Flick: 3 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)

DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)*

Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

*For the "awesome" comment by Mark S. Allen (UPN)

Definitely, Maybe (2008)

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Elizabeth Banks, Isla Fisher and Kevin Kline

Directed by Adam Brooks

by Tyler Woolson
Guest Blogger

Yep, you guessed it; it’s me Tyler on this track. Reason being that Joshua had alluded to watching “Definitely Maybe” as his next film for the website, but I insisted on writing this one because there is no way that he truly understands this film the way I (and you soon) do. You see this film is complex in its simplicity and filled with other oxymoronic hyperboles that a Film School grad cannot appreciate…however a Film Minor haver can (I’ll have a business card for that soon).

“Definitely Maybe” came on Cinemax this evening at 9pm CST which presented an excellent opportunity for reviewing the film for this article. BUT, I have missed the last six episodes of The Office and started watching them on Hulu at about eight o’clock. The significance of this event is two-fold; the first being that OnDemand is awesome; allowing me the best of both worlds, and the second will follow shortly. As is, its 11:05pm and I’m betting that I’m the only single 29 year-old male sitting in a recliner with a pinch of Copenhagen in who is watching this movie OnDemand and actually blogging about it. My beer of choice for this movie is of course Budweiser, but my roommates drank all mine this weekend so I’m stuck with two cans of dip, some watered down blue Powerade from the super-sized double cheeseburger value meal I had for dinner, and yes I also ordered a spicy mc-chicken for good measure.

Before I blow your mind with the true meaning of the film, let’s go over the basics. The film is a retrospective of Will Hayes’ (played by Reynolds) love life as told by him to his daughter Maya (girl from “Little Miss Sunshine”). Maya had gone through sexual education in school that day, prompting her to ask her dad the story about how he met her mother. If you’ve never heard a child say the words thrust, penis, and vagina in the same sentence, you’re probably better off, but provides for some laughs similar to hearing old people rap (see “Wedding Singer”). This is where the unseen complexity begins. If you made it through 6th grade than you know what the three-act structure is: Intro, setting, call to action/quest, pursuit, challenge/achievement, resolution, and conclusion. “Definitely Maybe” incorporates this in a broader sense, having each act serve as a three-act within itself, while being narrated by the protagonist who at times also serves as the chorus keeping the story in line, creating a unique storytelling device. This is Shakespearean sh!!t right here, and that’s where the chickflickiness ends! Yeah, you heard me (sorry Joshua) THIS IS NOT A CHICK FLICK!

“I don’t think anyone ever imagines that their wedding day they’ll be part of the 46% that doesn’t end up living happily ever after…then again I never thought I’d spend my days weeks and years working at an advertising agency trying to figure out how to get kids to eat Captain Crunch instead of Fruit Loops.” These are the first words spoken by Reynolds (as the narrator) and set the entire tone of the movie. This film serves as an opus for all men in their late 20’s and early 30’s, married or unmarried, employed or unemployed. You see it’s really about our failed dreams, past relationships, binge drinking, and sex with multiple partners; and I don’t care who you are, if you’re married, happily or miserably, in a relationship or single, successful or losery, or sitting naked in a kiddie pool, EVERY last one of us tells this story in our head more than we will ever admit. If anything this movie is anti-chick. Women are responsible for every setback Will experiences in the movie, even beyond the heartbreak. While working on the Clinton campaign the mistress issue becomes very prevalent, eventually leading to his ultimate breakdown and loss of respect for President Clinton, and more significantly throwing away his dream of being president. No guy has ever noticed this, probably due to the fact that they were focused on getting some HJ action from the woman who forced them to watch it. Hell, Isla Fisher is the female lead and she is hot as shit. Not just based on looks, but also because she’s married to one of the most genius comedy minds of all-time, Sasha Baron Cohen (Ali G for the layperson). Ladies, this is what men want: Hot-a$$ chick with a banging body with a sense of humor that rivals their own, complete with a little gypsy soul (I’ll concede that maybe not all men like that, but they wouldn’t be on this website and are not as cool as me and my friends) and a non-dream destroyer.

Now back to the significance of my watching The Office earlier this evening. Michael Scott, although in different ways, displays the same characteristics that Will Hayes and almost all men do. First, an almost blind optimism regardless of circumstance, Second, an artificial sense of confidence and strength, Third, a sensitive and sentimental disposition, Fourth, a wry sense of humor and physique that is not befitting of the character. The quote “Maybe you should go to life rehab” could have easily been said by either character, and definitely maybe by every man to a woman (under our breath usually).

Well as the movie ends and my dip cans are empty (I’m enjoying a Skoal/Copenhagen hybrid made famous by Jeremy Carter) I will bring this to a close and make a few concessions in the process. The movie does have a happy ending, tells a decent love story, and focuses on true love not just between man and woman, but also father and daughter; all of which are chick flick devices. Other notes of importance are a great soundtrack, no nudity (big let down), penguins, unrealistic social circles (politically correct), and random classic literature references. All in all it’s a great film and I’m not afraid to say it, hell I’ve watched it at least 15 times. I urge you to revisit this film after reading this because you will see it in a whole new light, and for the dudes out there you can rent it to look all sensitive to your lady and probably get at least an HJ. If I had to classify it, and I do, it’s a “Biblical, Shakespearean D!ck-flick for chicks” and you can quote me on that.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 8 out of 10 (This isn't a chick flick!)

Beer Pairing Recommendation

For more on Definitely, Maybe - visit IMDB

!!!!COMMENTS HALL OF FAME!!!!

GET OVER THE CATS, ALREADY!

"Yes, I admit, we single ladies have cats. God, is it so wrong for a guy to actually like a f*cking cat?! They are self sufficient, just like they "really want their women" and they aren't dumb...well, I'll admit, like guys want their women. I really enjoyed the middle of this movie but hated the predictable ending and beginning as well. There was some good advice in it but obviously, it backfired on the neurotic, control freak and she resulted in telling the "ugly truth" about herself. Guys expect us to accept them as they are and look past their poor grooming habits "down there" (if you know what I mean boys).... and their inability to look at themselves as not "perfect specimens". However, we women go through some brutal and I mean brutal shit to become the perfect, idealistic, bimbo-esque-with a brain, but not too much so he isn't threatened, selves!

It is hard to just lay it out there for someone and be yourself!!!! I admit. I play the game and I play it well. But it is tiring. It is frustrating. And, it has left me 100% alone. Therefore, I am left wondering, what is better...The girl he wants me to be or the girl I am. Dark Beer drinker, skinny because of Pilates which means yes, boys, I am flexible...look past the mouth that is telling you to f*ck off and realize, it is all in good fun...embrace it, scotch drinker...etc...I could go on and on but until someone is ready to take on a challenge and not take the easy way out...I would rather be single. "

-Jill, FL (on the film, "The Ugly Truth")

Window Shop

A Walk To Remember (2002)

Definitely, Maybe (2008)