Sex and the City 2 (2010)

Directed by Michael Patrick King

Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis

Sex and Cities are back! It’s “Sex and the City 2”. SATC 2. Yeah, baby!

If you think I’m excited about this…you’re wrong. I only made it 20 minutes into the first one before I had to shut it off (see SATC: The Movie – the first twenty minutes). In an effort to make something fresh that has lived through a long, drawn out series and two movies I decided:

To write my review in “real time” as I watch it. So here it goes…

In New York…blah blah blah…it’s New York. What are those shoes? They’re Loub’s (Thanks Tiffany). Apparently there’s going to be a “gay” wedding. Apparently, I should stop calling it a “gay” wedding. Ok, now it’s ok to call it a “gay” wedding. (Thanks, Carrie). Swan, “gay” things, Liza Minelli…if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. Surrogate service? Wtf! Ah, it sets up Carrie to need to have a baby.

This wedding scene is way, way too long. Ahh, dog humping…now that is funny.

Apparently, the nanny should wear a bra. It should be a law. The “Jude Law”. Ah, this sets up Erin’s worry about her husband wanting to sleep with the nanny.

Why can’t Mr. Big kick back and throw his feet up?

Now, Marinda quits her job and “makes” it to her son’s science fair. He wins and she “makes” it. She never “makes” it.

Samantha is rubbing some sort of cream on her hoo haw to “freshen up”. Now, she is invited by some dude with abs to a red carpet event. Now, she has to go. She’s pulling up her panties to get to the lunch date.

At this point, I questioning or not whether this movie is actually evil. Why? Because, these women live in NYC. And, women (including young girls) are watching this and thinking that they have to be “fabulous”, or “whatever” even though they live in the Midwest, or New England, or…

Why can’t Mr. Big install a big screen TV for their anniversary because it represented a nice time they have together? She got him a vintage Rolex and he got her a TV because he wanted to spend time with her. I’m going with Mr. Big on this one.

JAY Z is rapping again…I like this part…This leads to Miley Cyrus at the premiere. Oh crap, her and Samantha are wearing the same dress. Oh snap, girls unite!

Carrie and Mr. Big are fighting about the TV again.> Cuisine Art paid some money for an extreme close-up of their new state-of-the-art coffee maker.> Carrie’s at her old apartment so she can knock out some magazine articles.

Girls Lunch! This sets up the girls to go to Abu Dhabi. I mean Samantha went to all those birthday parties for Erin. Ring, Ring…who is that…Mr. Big…in a limo…a limo…omg…they missed each other. And, the TV stayed “off” the entire night. The End.

Wait, this movie is still going….Mr. Big and Carrie are talking again about their marriage…gag me. Seriously, gag me so I pass out and can’t watch the rest of this. More marriage talk…the closet, the bathroom, the breakfast table. “Carrie, we are adults without children. We have the luxury to design our life.” Good one.

Sidenote: Skip ahead to the scene where they fly to Abu Dhabi and take a look at Carrie’s hat. If you women, think that hat is fashionable then I am allowed to wear whatever I want until the end of time because that hat is the most hideous thing I have ever seen in my life. It looks like some creature landed on her head and died, birthed something, and then that something died…and then sat on her head.

At this point, I don’t know if I can write anymore. I mean…I’m going brain dead. I don’t have much more to say about this…culturally, culturally, or…culturally. I see why women love this series. It’s glitz, it’s glamour, it’s Abu Dhabi! I’ll let them have it. I just want to watch the rest of this without have to think about what I’m actually seeing.

I selected a beer that I thought was appropriate. It is Michelob Ultra- Pomegranate Raspberry. It tastes like juice and I don’t think it has any alcohol in it. It’s light and crispy. But, I don’t really consider it a beer. Nuff said.



* Throughout the entire movie I thought that Charlotte's name was actually Erin. Shows you how much I know about Sex and Cities.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 1 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Find a girlfriend to watch this one with and everyone will thank you for it :)

Watch if you liked...anything else regarding Sex and the City.

Chick Flick: unrateable
DVD: unrateable
Beer: 1 manly high fives (out of 5)

BON BON TUESDAY- SEX and the CITY 2

So, all of you "Sex and The City" fans. Here you go...here is the first teaser trailer for the new movie entitled, "Sex and the City 2". Enough said.



This one is directed by Micheal Patrick King and has all the girls...it releases on May, 28 2010 and honestly I could barely make it through the minute and a half. What do you think?

Sex And The City: The Movie (2008) - The First 20 Minutes

Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, and Cynthia Nixon
Directed by Michael Patrick King

Due to my inability to watch the entire film in a single viewing (only making it 20 minutes on my first attempt) I have decided to write my review for “Sex And The City: The Movie” (2009) broken up into an -As Many Viewings As It Takes to Make it Through The Entire Movie- Part Series. Let’s begin.

I’ve got to admit I’ve never really liked “Sex And The City” when it was on television. In fact, I couldn’t stand it. When I first saw the title on HBO I thought it was some sort of “Skin-o-max” type show. I remember trying to watch an episode a few years back and couldn’t focus for more than 10 minutes. It gave me immediate ADHD. I had the attention span of a chicken with the tiny head of baby squirrel on methamphetamines . Those 10 minutes were all I had ever seen other than a random scene here (specifically one with the slutty one) and there (another one with the slutty one) and there again (I watched that last one I referred to with the slutty one quite a few times). I would hear girls talking about some “Mr. Big” and “how amaaazing the show was” but I never could get into it. Borrinnng. And, why should I? I’m a guy and I don’t wait for the ships to come in. Okay, maybe sometimes I wait for the ships to come in. Well, you know…wink, wink. ;)

When this film was recommended to me it was suggested that I should watch it while drinking a Cosmo (that’s short for Cosmo). Unfortunately, I don’t know how to make a Cosmo and I don’t like olives or cranberry juice or pickle juice or cherries. So, instead, just to make it special, I went with a red wine. It was a blend; 42% Cabernet, 18% Something, 40% Something else, 100% Dee-lish. I know I’m breaking my own rules but they’re my rules and I’m allowed to break them. Hell, rules are made to be broken especially the ones I make. Moving on…

So I have no idea about anything. I don’t know any of the chick’s names. I just know there’s the blonde one, the slutty one, the brunette one, and the redhead. They are like a freaking boy band. I even think Lance Bass is somewhere in there with Scary Spice. So, the movie starts and BOOM!! Sarah Jessica is doing here thing…being her and being fabulous…she is still dating some guy named “Mr. Big” while the redhead went off and married some guy and moved to Brooklyn or the Bronx which is called the “New Manhattan” and the slutty one got herself some nice boymeat and moved to Hollywood and is rockin’ it Cougar style while the brunette finally got married after a long, long search and is happy and there might be some kids somewhere and 40 is the new 20 and 20 is the new 15 and 15 is the new 37 (Have you seen what teenagers are wearing these days? It’s disgusting!). Honestly, the intro was pretty amazing. I had no idea what was going on. Ok, so we are all caught up, right?

Now, Sarah Jessica is looking for a new place with Mr. Big and…let’s stop on Mr. Big…Why is he called Mr. Big….is it because of the size of his….wallet? Haha, got you there. . I’ve never been “Mr. Big”, maybe “Mr. Average” or “Mr. It’s Not Really the Size That Matters But How You Use It”, but never “Mr. Big”. I’m only 5’ 8 3/4” tall. Apparently, he is Mr. Big because he is the man and he is Sarah Jessica’s…Mr. Big…because she has always been looking for Mr. Big…and life is grand. Anywho, they are looking at apartments in NYC and Mr. Big is so much the sh!t that he just randomly decides to buy some badass penthouse. We learn of his badassessnessness when he casually says, “I got it”. Just like I say, “I got it” when I buy someone a hotdog or a can of soda. Now, let’s change the scene where I will be playing the part of Mr. Big. If I was looking for apartments with Sarah Jessica in the Big Apple the scene would have played out differently. If she was going off about how amazing the penthouse was and looking at me like its pipe dreams I wouldn’t have said, “I’ve got it”. I would have said, "I farted." And, she would have said, “What? Did you say you got it?” And, I would say, “No, I said …I farted. Now, let’s get the f@ck outta here, Because this sh!t is way too expensive.” Like I said, I’ve never been called Mr. Big….and with good reason.

Now, ladies, I’ve got to ask you this? What is up with Sarah Jessica’s wedding dress? I don’t know anything about dresses…and I mean anything. But, that thing is hideous. Please don’t tell me she ends up wearing that. And, why does the redhead keep haten’ on Sarah Jessica? The slutty one was haten’ too but at least she called right back and was like, “Girl, my bad”. And, the brunette was screaming (high pitch) way, way, way too much. I couldn’t take it anymore right about twenty minutes in when Murphy Brown showed up and wanted Sarah Jessica to be in a Fabulous 40 profile in her magazine. I had to turn it off.

Stay tuned for the next 20 minutes.

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)*
DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Wine: 3 manly high fives (out of 5)

*Strictly for the amaaazing Intro.