Blended (2014)

Starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore
Directed by Frank Coraci

by Joshua Simpkins

Adam Sandler is known for comedies. Occasionally, he slips in a romantic comedy. Or, you could say that most of them are the same romantic comedies over and over again. Two of his previous romantic comedies have costarred Drew Barrymore. First comes The Wedding Singer (1998), then comes 50 First Dates (2004), then comes Blended (2014) in a baby carriage. Who ever thought they would see a Sandler/Barrymore Trilogy. I know I sure didn’t, but hey trilogies equal dollar signs these days. Why not?

Blended is a blend (see what I did there) of previous Adam Sandler comedies and classic chick flick, (I know, I know, its romantic comedy) clichés. You know the ones. Boy meets girl on a blind date to hooters, girl and boy end up going to Africa on a thin, far-fetched plot device, monkeys play instruments in Hooters outfits to boy and girl, Boy and girl fall in love. We’ve seen it all before. Seriously, we’ve seen it all before. Well, everything except the monkeys which I really enjoyed. Monkeys win.

Adam Sandler plays Jim, a widowed Dick's Sporting Goods manager with three daughters who goes on a disastrous blind date with Lauren (Drew Barrymore).  Lauren is the organized single mother of two boys who runs a closet organizing business called "Closet Queens".  At first, they hate each other, but after falling into a cheap trip to Africa where both of their families must "blend" they both start to see each other's good qualities.

Blended really is a blend. And, if you pay close attention you might find the hidden surprises and cameos, aka easter eggs, hidden with the film from Sandler and Barrymore's earlier films. "Hi, I'm Tom." But, slipping in a few cameos doesn't hide the fact that their is some rather lazy story telling going on. Is it a horrible film? No. But, some of it does seem a little phoned in. Hey, I've got an idea. Africa seems like a fun place, right? Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s make a movie and then everyone can go. Hurry, somebody write a script! (Sandler voice) Ahh, Let’s go!

Now, don't get me wrong. I like Adam Sandler movies. I grew up with Sandler. Literally. No, that's a lie. But, I'm the age that was his demographic. Although, I'm not sure if I still am. It just seems his past five (or 10) attempts have been an excuse for him to have fun with his friends and get paid for it. I’m not a stick in the mud, I’m all for fun. But, it’s a shame when we’ve seen him make hilarious movies, as well as, take great dramatic acting turns.

Now, should you force the boyfriend to watch this? It's probably the other way around. While on paper it appears to be a chick flick, it never really decides whether it wants to be a classic Sandler comedy, or allow us to engage emotionally with the characters. Every time things turn emotional it is quickly undermined by a gag (some really bad stereotyping going on) or a stunt. It really doesn't allow itself to stay as sweet as The Wedding Singer, or 50 First Dates.  Drew Barrymore is great as Lauren.  It is funny at times, though (Be sure not to make fun of a Mom's kid).  And, a little sweet in others.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND:  5 out of 10 (Who's Forcing Who)

Beer Pairing Recommendation

Nothing says summer vacation more than a delicious summer ale. 

And, Blue Point makes a good one.  Some enjoy a few this summer on

while out on vacation with Adam Sandler.  Oh, he won't return your 

voicemails or emails or texts or when you drop by for a quick

visit?  Well, drink one anyway.  Stalker.

(click to read more)

Whip It (2009)

Directed by Drew Barrymore
Starring Ellen Page, Marcia Gay Harden, Kristen Wiig, Juliette Lewis, Jimmy Fallon, Daniel Stern, Andrew Wilson, and Drew Barrymore

Recommended by: Ashley M.

Roller Derby, anyone? I don't know what to say about this movie other than I really enjoyed it. Could I tell where the story was headed? Yes. Was it kinda the typical "fish out of water" story? Yes. Was it kinda the typical "coming-of-age" story? Yes. Was it kinda the typical "gotta get out of this smalltown" story"? Yes, again. Did all of that take away from me enjoying it? No. Did I know anything about rollerball? No. Did I enjoy watching tattooed chicks beat up on each other in tight shirts and short shorts? Yes. Did I enjoy the Modelo Especial? Yes. Did Ellen Page bother me as much as she did in "Juno" (2007)? No....

Let me digress (on a couple of things)...First, I hate "Juno" (2007). I think it is an overrated stupid film that got a lot of hype for being an "independent" film (which it wasn't) just because it was written by ex-stripper turned writer...or maybe she was just stripping to support her writing...whatever...I actually like strippers...its not the stripper thing that bothers me...it was the story of "Juno"(2007). Why? Because Juno gets pregnant, gives away the baby, and learns nothing. I also love Micheal Cera and think he is hilarious...he is stupid in this..."Juno" (2007) is a stupid, stupid movie that tries too hard to be quirky. I could go on but I wont...think about it an you'll agree.

On to my second digression, I may have drank and rated Modelo Especial before, I can't remember. It's a great beer to drink in the heat and also great with, or without, a lime. It's a little richer than Corona and if you feel like being snoody and not drinking a Corona then grab a Modelo Espeicial and tell people you prefer it over Corona. I also don't think I'm good at reviewing beers because I like most of them. I actually love beer and I want to give them all 5 stars. Except for a beer called a Odd Notion. It's horrible and looks like this;
















It is a Magic Hat winter seasonal and it literally taste like cat piss, etc. etc. If you have ever seen the original Willy Wonka movie and remember the scene in which the gum chewing girl chews a piece of gum that is like a 5 course meal then think of the Odd Notion winter seasonal. It is a multiple taste transformation...beer...bitter...dirt...sh!t...cat piss...that is actually what it tastes like. Let me give a shout out to my boy, Rob, for letting me taste it. And, Chris, I knew you weren't manly enough to finish it. I give the Odd Notion "0 stars" or maybe I should give it "5 stars" because any beer that actually manages to taste that bad is genius. I won't comment on the stuff in the background.

Enough with the digressions...moving on...to the actual movie. It was good. I was throughly entertained and it could have been longer and I wouldn't have cared...I would have kept watching. It is a fine directorial debut for Drew Barrymore and it was a solid story with an even emotional arch. Not like the normal chick flick. Guys and girls could both like this one even though, it is a total "Girls Rule" and "Girl Power" movie. For fans of "Bottle Rocket" (1996) lookout for a decent role for Future Man, the least popular of the Wilson brothers. Also, for people that are normally as annoyed by Jimmy Fallon as I am...he isn't that annoying in this...

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 8 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it) - Go ahead and force him...I think he'll like it.

Watch if you liked...Juno (2007) and girls beating up on each other with tattoos and short shorts...

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)-
DVD: 1 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)- no special features
Modelo Especial: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)

He's Just Not That Into You (2009) PART 3

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck,Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Scarlett Johansson, Kevin Connolly, and Jennifer Connolly

Ok, so here is PART 3. Things got a little out of control here. Be extra forewarned...there is great discussion on the female anatomy. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm serious don't say it...because I did. Once again, included in the discussion are;

Me (Single)
Chris (Married with a newborn baby)
Brian P (Married with kid)
Giff aka SMG (Sober Guy that's Married with kids)
The Roose (Engaged)
Holly (Single)
Alyssa (Married)
Sarah (Married with twins)
Tyler (Single)

Warning: Contains some adult language and possible spoiler alerts...so readers beware.

JOSHUA: What do you think about the guy "mythology" mostly spewed by Justin Long in the film (i.e. He won't call you if he's not interested, etc)? Is it true that gay guys look at each other for over 3 seconds if they're interested? I think it is.

THE ROOSE: The "mythology" has some merit, the problem is that Justin Long is the person giving the speech. I don't buy him as the slick lothario, never did. Also, not calling back is not “guy” exclusive.

CHRIS: I agree with Roose. I had a hard time buying into Justin Long feeding us the hidden secrets of the "Bro Code" like he's a cool hip Gandalf explaining the secrets of the ring to Frodo. I think I laughed aloud in the scene where his hostess was trying to set up a date and he was acting all nonchalant that they hooked up. Are you kidding me? A guy like Justin Long in real life (meaning he's not an actor) would be grateful for a hostess hookup. In fact, he was the worst cast character in this movie...well maybe Drew Barrymore was. When will people get over this calling thing, why the hell is it such a big deal? Obviously, the guy will call if he likes you, if he doesn't call he doesn't like you. How damn simple can it be, there are no excuses, it is so black and white, there are no hidden secrets. Do girls really try and make up crazy excuses why he DIDN'T call. When I was in single and lucky enough to actually get a number there was no way in hell I wasn't calling. That's my other gripe...guys in this movie getting numbers and then not calling. Why would you ask a girl you don't like for a number? Do guys really do this? I know I didn't...it seems like a waste of time for me. If I didn't like a girl I was talking to I usually just made fun of her without her realizing it (because she was a moron) and me and my friends laughed at her until she got mad and then hooked up with Willie or Ben Ray. I guess some guys collect numbers just so they can brag...yeah I got 13 numbers last night...douche. So maybe since I wasn't a "playa" and an expert in "spitting game" my numbers were always quality numbers and I always called. Now the girl calling back....that's another situation all together because as someone mentioned the calling thing goes both ways.

SARAH: I also think the “guy mythology” has some merit but shouldn't be taken overboard. I was literally hiding my face with embarrassment for Gigi's character; some girls NEED to hear it because they are completely accepting of the excuses they have generated in their heads. But some guys like the Kevin Connoly “vaginitis” character need some girl mythology too...God help him. He was her door mat and had no clue. Tooooool.

Gay guy look - I really don't know but I think it has some merit just from what I have heard/seen. Josh, you left out having a gay representative on the round table discussion.

JOSHUA: Maybe I did leave out a gay perspective… (Dr. Evil pinky in the mouth)… but, then again, maybe I didn’t.

TYLER: Two things…One, a door mat doesn't know it’s a door mat until someone wipes shit on it (sorry).And B, did anyone pay attention to this movie?There is an often mention history between Connor (Kevin Connolly) and Anna (Scarlett) that goes back far more than one night, so the once boned thing is out. He says that he slept with her more than a few times and if caring about someone who's company you enjoy, feel comfortable around, and truly want to be with makes you a vagina, then I guess I am what I eat...SUCK IT MONKEES!!

JOSHUA: Did Tyler secretly write this movie? Also, Is Scarlett (in general) over-rated? I'm going to call her the female Seth Rogen. She is too many places at once. Although, she is rather attractive.

ALYSSA: Yes, ScarJo is overrated. I don't think she's gorgeous and i think she is incapable of playing different parts. She has zero depth! I felt like she is the same character in every movie she's in. But, she did score herself Ryan Reynolds...I guess that counts for something.

JOSHUA: ScarJo? Did you make that up?

ALYSSA: No...I'm not that good.

THE ROOSE: Yes, she's been overrated for a while, now at least she's taking roles where she can act like who she really is...A big-breasted moron. Sorry, but she doesn't do it for me anymore, has no class either. Give me Zooey Deschanel any day.

GIFF: i love me some Scar Jo! Bring it!

SARAH: Wait, back to Tyler. How do you not see his character as a vagina or door mat? A chick is talking to you on the phone, says she will call back; doesn't and you call her back the same night? She comes over one night gets a foot rub and leaves with no hooking up or any excuse of being sick or tired - the relationship is working in reverse at that point. If a girl hooked up with a guy a few times and continued to pursue the relationship she is labeled as 'obsessive' or 'desperate'; if a guy does it he should suffer the label of vagina. I thought of door mat because ScarJo used him for foot rubs and self assurance that she would always have him as a rebound but thats just me.

TYLER: I think we are guilty of looking over what we call the "4th wall" and that is seeing what the characters aren't. If we as the audience were unaware of what Anna was doing behind Connor's back, perhaps we would side with him more, almost worried that she was ok. It’s very difficult to turn off the like switch even in the worst of situations (we all know people who cheated or got cheated on that stayed together). But when you like someone, are unsure or unaware of their feelings (especially when given mixed signals) it almost makes you like them more (goes back to inherent narcissism we all have). Let me pose this scenario: Say we see Anna ending the call with Connor in the store and then her checking out at the register and talking to Ben, that’s it. Cut to Connor and his roomate talking about the call and Connor decides to say screw her you’re right. Next we see her calling him the next day, night, etc and he just doesn’t answer. Does that make him not a vagina? Cause guess what, since we didn’t see anything more with Anna, turns out that Ben raped her and took her thousandth customer prize and left her for dead...which now makes Connor a dick. Perspective is everything and just because we could see what we couldn't doesn't make him a vagina.

CHRIS: I think I am officially tired of hearing the word "vagina." It used to be taboo, but after birthing classes, talking to doctors, and this discussion it has lost its effect.

TYLER: Wizard’s sleeve.

CHRIS: Is that slang for "vagina?" I'm not in college anymore, so someone might need to explain this to me.

JOSHUA: I think it was in the title for a Harry Potter book, “Harry Potter and the Wizard’s Sleeve”.

TYLER: “Borat” uses this vernacular.

GIFF: I was always a fan of "the box".

THE ROOSE: "The box" is good. I like "cooz" and "gash”. I heard it watching “Vision Quest” with Matthew Modine.

CHRIS: I've been married for too long. I'm not allowed to use those words.

SARAH: My husband’s terms got blacklisted as well - hatchet wound, furburger, twat...

JOSHUA: Furburger is my Dad's favorite term...although, I like the term va-jay-jay...

ALYSSA: My husband calls it a split face whisker biscuit. Classy :)

SARAH: Husbands rock.

GIFF: Hahah....all of those are great....come on Chris...be a man....stand up for your vocabulary. P.S. Don't tell my wife about this post!

BRIAN: Hairpie?

CHRIS: Haha, we are so off topic.

JOSHUA: Well, what did youthink of the movie? Did you not think the movie was funny? I laughed my ass off. What isn't funny about an obsessive "needy" girl, a douchebag husband, a controlling OCD wife, Justin Long as a playboy, a maniacal Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston getting dumped, Ben Affleck with overly white teeth on a boat, etc?

CHRIS: As far as this movie being funny...not really for me. I agree the confessionals were idiotic, the African American chicks had potential but still unfunny. The characters were so poorly developed that I had no feeling but contempt for most of them. I give this movie 2 out of 5, because I have seen worse, but my wife was actually able to sit through the whole thing...so we spent some quality time together. I also got a little pregnant loving from my wife afterwards because she felt I was a much better husband than Bradley Cooper's character, although I fear she was probably envisioning me as Bradley Cooper. Oh well...

-----------------

Final Analysis: Overall, I don't think everyone that participated liked the movie that much or thought i was that funny. I'm going to rate it below on what I personally thought of the movie.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 5 out of 10 (1 means he'll hate it, 10 means he'll like it)

Chick Flick: 4 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 4 manly high fives (out of 5)*

*It was a sweaty, ice cold Bud.