No Strings Attached (2011)

Directed by Ivan Reitman
Starring Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Kevin Kline with Jake M. Johnson, Cary Elwes, and Chris "Ludacris" Bridges

by Joshua Simpkins

I was a little unsure of what this movie would be about. Maybe, it is some surreal hyper-realistic nihilistic science fiction film, set sometime in the apocalyptic future. It couldn’t be a chick flick. Not with Natalie Portman starring in it. Wait, she was in a chick flick. Remember, that one about heart and Walmart? So, maybe it is a chick flick after all. It does have Ashton Kutcher, in it as well. Or, Ashton Doucher, as I like to call him. Which should make it some wild ride!

Looks like the studios battled it out to have two chick flicks about friends being promiscuous hit theaters about the same time.(see Friend with Benefits). I mean this is a real high profile concept that people just couldn’t wait to see. Let’s get a couple of annoying actors to play the male leads and we have box office gold. Right? Wrong. If either of these movies made any money I would really be surprised. But, this one has Natalie Portman, so Star Wars Prequel fans…eat your heart out!

No Strings Attached is about Emma and Adam, played by Natalie and Doucher. They meet long ago at summer camp. He is a sort-of everyman, who just so happens to have a famous TV actor father (played brilliantly by Kevin Kline) and she is a weird, super-smart nerd. Their paths cross at numerous times throughout their lifetime until they both end up living and working in Los Angeles. Emma is a doctor, and Adam is an aspiring screenwriter/ assistant working on a “Glee” like television show. One day, Adam finds out his Dad is dating his ex-girlfriend, that in fact, they are in love, and has a breakdown. He gets drunk and ends up at Emma’s. At some point, because of his issues and her emotional unavailability, they decide to sleep together with no strings attached. Hence, the title of the movie.

Maybe, Asthon Doucher isn’t that bad of an actor after all. By the end, of the movie I kind of believe he is an everyday-sort-of nice guy. This is pretty hard for him to pull off, considering, we all know what a D-bag he really is. I found myself actually rooting for him. Natalie was pretty good as well. Although, I found it strange that she was even in this movie. I also found it odd how frivolously she had sexual encounters. I mean this is no way for a space princess to act! Luke and Leia are your children for goodness sakes! Then again, she did roll around in some field with Hayden Christensen, so, what do I know?

There are also some great supporting characters, and some pretty funny lines. Kevin Kline is excellent as Adam’s famous actor, drug-using Dad. Jake M. Johnson is also pretty great as his longtime buddy. Ludacris (I’m sorry…Chris Bridges) is in this as well for some reason. That in itself is actually…well…Ludacris.

The movie is directed by Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters, Stripes) so it holds together pretty nicely, and is funnier than I would have suspected.

FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 6 out of 10 (For some funny asides, and it has a male lead)

Beer Pairing Recommendation

Because it has Stars War Princess Natalie and its about white people

For more on the beer, click here
For more on the chick flick, visit IMDB 

Valentine's Day (2010)

Directed by Garry Marshall

Starring Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Topher Grace, Jessica Gardner, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah with Taylor Swift, the Werewolf Dude from Twilight, Hector Elizondo, and Shirley MacLaine

Just in time for Halloween comes my review for Valentine's Day! is the type of well-written, soul-searching, deep and meaningful drama that you might expect. This thing comes off at the frenetic pace of a David Mamet play..."Put that coffee down!" (side note: That line wasn't actually in that play)...if you don't believe me then "wiki" it. Scratch that...Google it!

Now, some of you readers might remember my strict rules about watching chick flicks. One of those very strict and very broken rules by me was that I had, of course, to drink a beer. Hence, the word "beer" in the title. I break that rule all the time. I actually am ashamed to admit that I watched this movie beer free. But, this time I actually broke the rule that I never, ever, ever, by any means break (except the exception of my Mom, and The Notebook) and I do mean by any means. Well....I finally broke my own rule. I watched it with a female...I'll leave it to you to figure out who...

On to the movie...Not sure what I should mention first...how about all of the bazillion actors involved...can somebody say paycheck?...Holla at your boy...I mean there were so many actors in this for 7 minutes a pop it was incredible. It's like a Who's Who of Who's Who...I figure it was easy material, a nice paycheck, and shot in LA.

It was directed of Garry Marshall, of many movies, most notably of Pretty Woman (hence Julia Roberts). And, the direction, well...it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist well, I mean....or maybe, just maybe its really really really good and I just don't see it. The best direction goes unnoticed after all.

This movie wasn't really that bad. Really it wasn't. Maybe it was and I'm just losing it. I don't know.



FORCE THE BOYFRIEND: 4 out of 10 (1 mean he'll hate it, 10 means he'll love it)

Chick Flick: 2 cartons of ice cream (out of 5)- Hugh Jackmanw as Ok.
DVD: 2 pieces of milky chocolate (out of 5)
Beer: 0 manly high fives (out of 5)- Didn't drink one